Blue Saturday

hmmm, work or suicide

i can't afford to be unemployed but my flaky efforts to turn up on time every day and then do some productive stuff and deal with other people and give a shit and justify my existence are not helping anybody i don't think cos everything looks slightly green and alien right now and i don't know where the twitches and the vacancies and the talking out loud to myself - just out of earshot of other people, i'm not crazy - and the missing of bed and the fight or flight and the shut the fuck up dumbasses have a place in this other people world yuk so creepy so messy so unfair

Can you get signed off for a bit?

Saying this as someone who has been lurking on this thread because I like your posts and I have similar issues myself but have never felt I had anything to add that you guys weren't saying better

i'm on reduced hours but lying in bed til i get delirious isn't helping either, i need structure but i hate structure, just responding to unwelcome pokes that keep me in the world

yeah yeah i mean i'm here but i'm not even

http://www.pavelmatela.com/images/parazit_Yves_Klein_leap_into_the_void_malir_prostoru_vrhajici_se.jpg

not sad not bored just hung out there

i don't get what this concrete is that fixes people into their world and stops them moving or wanting to move, so much words unnecessary, actions unexamined unfelt living

i guess people want to stay in the little safety sphere they've constructed and are afraid that stepping out of it will fuck everything forever

plus i've still got some good boxsets to catch and everything else seem's like it'd be work

ah man work seems like work

saw some packets of "SLIMING TEA" in a chinese supermarket window today

people with medical quals talking to me about 2 years to permanent abstinence from alcohol. quite scared of saying goodbye to my oldest friend.

On the other hand you might get to develop a passing acquaintance with your normal serotonin levels.

:) the bit of me i hate agrees with you and is going to do this

Excellent! Now that you mention it, does the sort of desperate desperation of the last few...weeks(?) have a sort of last gasp quality to it? I think you're ready to do something different.

when i read some of this thread back all you guys who i like to think of as my friends make me very happy, and i respect the ongoing struggles we all have to work out a liveable path, and i wish y'all nothing but understanding and love and whatever epiphanies you need :)

ah man work seems like work

― only Brod can judge me (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 22 November 2012

yeah but in it's favour i'll allow that work don't pretend to nothin fuckin else

is that its or it's ffs

fuckit grammar pedants can fuck off an all i'm plenty smart regardless and i'll argue it either way i guess

it's "its" but yeah grammar pedants gtf

its bramble

it's 'it's' because the 's belongs to it *slams drink on table*

get happy be happy stay happy all on this thread.

can be pedant king, fuck a pedant

can i just die now

just need you to get that report we spoke about yesterday on my desk first, ta

i cdn't even form the words this week

but hugs, clouds

i've been packing in booze for the dry years ahead, probly not a top plan. feel like you need to be incredibly selfish to detox but hey why not.

i feel like as long as there's soup and chocolate and Football Manager and books to read and some music, that's enough, that ought to be more than enough

and i'll just bumble thru the crap inbetween

i'm just holding on until the end of the semester

it's ridiculous, there isn't even that much stuff for me to do; just sick of the roles, the interactions, the meaningless conversations, 20 year olds, &c &c

i just want to do nothing

Italo: He likes people similar to himself and does not trust those who are different. That's why a normal man is a true brother, a true citizen, a true patriot...

Marcello: A true fascist.

that amazing picture of the kids with twp (and the one with ronaldo) doesn't seem to show up anymore

i know! i'm not sure why, seem to have put it on an odd host maybe. will check my photobucket.

hmmm i've got a Des Walker

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/DSCF8161.jpg

nice

des walker is a sort of ultimate early-90s fitba player like nicky summerbee or gianluigi lentini

some random pop star

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/dec07005.jpg

hey nv i don't really post here but i do lurk from time to time and i just wanted to let you know i think yr a good dude and much of this thread ~resonates~ and yeah keep on keeping on man that's about all.

thanx dude :)

i've always enjoyed yr work on here too and you seem to be having a rough old year so that injunction to koko is mutual

found them

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/ferdinandnotfranzampco.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/ronaldo.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/wholookshappierhannahorrooney.jpg

lmao all over again

notice Scholesy's "picking up the kids" form

Oh my goodness they're all so little. I mean the players.

lol @ at yr girl looking totally unfazed by Wayne Rooney.

twp

feel very meditative and dreamy today, walked to work listening to all the sounds around me like it was music. gonna be fine as long as i don't have to talk to people or answer sensible question.

ah bollocks.

can ask some nonsense questions if required

i'll be fucked if i'm going to class today

http://www.princeton.edu/~his291/Jpegs/Durer_Melancolia.JPG

at what point do you admit to yourself, without illusions, "i am pretty much a fucking loser"

been wondering that one myself lately

though i think my conclusion has been that if yr still thinking about the question yr probably not one

idk, i wonder if it is possible to fully-inhabit loserness, to cultivate it

my life cycle seems to be:

1. frantic burst of productivity -> 2. crash, burnout -> 3. video games/internet porn -> 4. refreshing same 3 websites for hours on end -> 5. suddenly freaking out at my shit state of living and -> back to 1.