"I am the beast I worship"
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:39 (thirteen years ago)
"I bought it in an online auction. It's that sofa that bloke from ILX said that his room-mate and some random hipster in a trucker hat were having sex on when he came home unexpectedly!"
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:40 (thirteen years ago)
"You've heard of G-Unit? Well this is the latest rap sensation - G Plan!"
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/11/26/p465/121126_contest_p465.jpg
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:40 (thirteen years ago)
He didn't come home, he *was* home.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:41 (thirteen years ago)
xp what is this, Spot The Difference?
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:42 (thirteen years ago)
"Thanks, Daddy. And before you jump could you just please add the Park Avenue duplex."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:43 (thirteen years ago)
"You're Jewish, aren't you, Dr Kippelstein? I've come to talk to you about the Mercy Seat, and conduct the sacred rituals of the Ark of the Covenant."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:45 (thirteen years ago)
"You've mastered being an Armchair Critic, now it's time for you to try being a Couch Potato!"
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:46 (thirteen years ago)
"It's very bad news, I'm afraid. You might want to be sitting down for this. Twice."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:48 (thirteen years ago)
"Your arse has become so big that you need half a sofa for each cheek."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:49 (thirteen years ago)
"Yes, I'm well aware that Bruce Nauman did this in 1972. But this time it's ironic."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:51 (thirteen years ago)
"My husband did what you said and died. But at least he's no longer sofa-ing."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:54 (thirteen years ago)
"Is this While-U-Wait Upholsterers? I've brought my sofa in for it's ten thousand mile service."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:54 (thirteen years ago)
"It's actually a praying mantis."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:55 (thirteen years ago)
"Sorry about last time. I've re-upholstered the sofa and stuffed the men."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:57 (thirteen years ago)
"Hello, is this Remote-Controls-Removed-From-The-Backs-Of-Sofas While-U-Wait? I've got an emergency here."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:58 (thirteen years ago)
"Oh, it's not for us. It's for the pot plant, the desklamp, and the telephone."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 22:58 (thirteen years ago)
"Apparently the cartoonist doesn't know how the fuck to draw doors either."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:00 (thirteen years ago)
"These are my three husbands, Jeff, Sofa and Mike."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:01 (thirteen years ago)
"Dungarees look really stupid, don't they."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:02 (thirteen years ago)
"I figured with a larger armchair there'd be a bit more breathing space for your erection."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:04 (thirteen years ago)
"We're going to kill that triffid in the corner of the room by dropping this sofa on it. While you wait."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:05 (thirteen years ago)
"Why do we have curtains and Venetian blinds?"
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:06 (thirteen years ago)
"Do you mind if my uncles sit in? Don't worry, they're imbeciles."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:06 (thirteen years ago)
"Doctor, I'm suffering from nose-shaped-like-a-penis envy."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:08 (thirteen years ago)
"Do you mind if my two previous analysts sit in? Don't worry, they're catatonic subhumans."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:10 (thirteen years ago)
Man standing right behind woman: "Have you ever seen anyone carrying a sofa this way in real life? This is so unrealistic."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:11 (thirteen years ago)
"While admittedly this might not be the ideal space to workshop my 'Straw Dogs' musical ..."
― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:11 (thirteen years ago)
"That's your chair. And this is your chair on drugs."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:12 (thirteen years ago)
"We're all staring in completely different directions. This picture would make one hell of a difficult 'spot the ball' competition."
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:13 (thirteen years ago)
"I've killed your arch-enemy, the evil dentist Dr Blok, and covered this sofa with his skin."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:16 (thirteen years ago)
"Bernie Madoff sent me. He's sorry about the $45m, but believes his favorite sofa can go some way towards repaying you."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:18 (thirteen years ago)
"Take this down, Stevens."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:20 (thirteen years ago)
"Here's that sofa with the strine green stripe pattern you ordered. We're so glad you didn't pretend to be terminally ill at a whole load of support groups, meet some crazy woman, go off with your imaginary friend, and form a quasi-terrorist anti-capitalist organisation!"
― Dermot O'Leary, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been (snoball), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:21 (thirteen years ago)
"I'm sorry we're late, but they kept making Freudian slips."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:21 (thirteen years ago)
"Look what we found in the trash - the return of the repressed!"
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:23 (thirteen years ago)
"Do you have two dollars for Deleuze and Guattari?"
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:24 (thirteen years ago)
"Fumes... everywhere.. like I can't breathe."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:25 (thirteen years ago)
"I thought I was sick until I ran into these guys at Ikea. So I gave them your fee."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:29 (thirteen years ago)
"Wow, I thought it was only McDonalds that gave free plastic gifts with a Happy Meal."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:30 (thirteen years ago)
"I'm sorry, we overran on the porn shoot. Do you mind if Brad and Swinger do the money shot in your office?"
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:32 (thirteen years ago)
"There's a brand new dance, but I don't know its name."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:34 (thirteen years ago)
"I've been cheating on you with a taxidermist."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:36 (thirteen years ago)
"I know you said I should keep my feet firmly on the ground, but the chiropodist down the hall told me to put them up."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:37 (thirteen years ago)
"Ceci n'est pas une pipe, AMIRITE?"
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:38 (thirteen years ago)
"In Soviet Russia, couch lies on YOU in therapy sessions!
― 5-Hour Enmity (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:39 (thirteen years ago)
lol
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:41 (thirteen years ago)
first one that made me lol
"These bastards wolf-whistled me from their truck. Give them the same painful vasectomy you gave George, please."
― Grampsy, Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:42 (thirteen years ago)