Severe Anxiety

I got so mentally unbalanced and had a middle of the night brain anxiety thing last Thursday and ended up calling in sick to work on Friday. All the advice here is pretty good.

Z S otm about the joys of guttural screams in a car, although I can't speak as to its efficacy. I've been doing this on the rare occasion for years!

i've been doing some reading about OCD lately, since i'm wondering if i have a form of it. not compulsions as much as obsessive/fixating thoughts about really horrible stuff that intrude on my thought process at inopportune times and make me feel really anxious and awful about myself. i just read a comic book about a character who suffers from this, and it hit pretty close to home for me. it doesn't affect my life too horribly (unlike previous bouts of generalized anxiety), but it will often catch me at a moment when i'm happy or content, and then instead of being happy or content, i just wonder why i am so awful.

You're not awful; that does sound like OCD. I've had intrusive thoughts about self-harm. I have NO INTEREST in doing this, but it crosses my mind that it's POSSIBLE and then I get freaked out. Thing you've got to realize is these thoughts occasionally flicker across almost everyone's mind from time to time, just most people brush it off or maybe don't even notice it. Just because you think it doesn't mean it's going to happen, and it doesn't make you a bad person. I think people who suffer OCD tend to overvalue their thoughts.

yup ocd. what a shit show. tends to jump in right when you're most content, attacks "what you value most"

so how do you deal with OCD? are there CBT-like techniques that help? i guess i've had this my whole life - it just seems different than my fear-based anxiety. i feel afflicted by anxiety like i'd feel afflicted by illness, but the OCD stuff seems more like it's just my worthless, disgusting self being worthless and disgusting. in other words, anxiety is a problem i have, and this other stuff is just who i am.

i mean, i can identify with ocd a bit -- my general philosophy is don't worry too much about it unless it gets in the way of other things i want to do. when that happens, i check myself (however necessary) and so far i have wound up ok.

do i think this could last forever? honestly, maybe. i hope so! it is kind of who i am. obsessing about things is fun for me in most ways! the c and the d are the things that need to be checked. everyone's different though so obvs ymmv.

OCD is (can be dealt with as) an illness, too. If you can move compulsions from the "worthless & disgusting self" category to the illness/pathology/maladaption category, that's a start.

(but don't move those compulsions to the "do I have a life-threatening illness?" category, because lemme tell you from personal experience that shit will drive you insane)

how to deal with OCD.

well there are a few things. 1 is you have to realize that some wheels are just going to turn. like, you don't have a choice. certain obsessions will just turn round and round in your brain and you have to let them. help what you can change as opposed to trying to change what you cannot.

OCD is very, very personal, so dealing is v different for everybody. some CBT mechanisms work more universally than others. 1 is embracing imperfection. a lot of people dealing with this are obsessed with perfection and beauty and so training yourself to find the beauty in imperfection, disorder and ugliness can be crucial. those things are beautiful too. say the wrong thing, mess up your hair and act like a total goofball when you need to. it helps.

other than that i'm still tryin to figure it out so i'll keep you posted

appropriately enough i have been going thru a series of extreme OCD attacks for the past couple of days, and i was hoping to wake up on the day of thanksgiving feeling thankful and free of anxiety but that didn't happen. i am at a loss. every time i think i may have a good go at a reasonable day my brain flips out. and at this point i am just tired, all i want is to lie in bed. but it's thanksgiving and there are people coming here and as much as i feel like a broken record, and as sick as i am of all of this, i really just don't know how i'm going to put on a face and be full of mirth. pretty sure my only answer is to get tanked.

you're gonna be ok, surm. take breaks from the people if you need to. hell, take a nap if you need one! <3

thanks sweetie. Ryan just reminded me to breathe and take it one step at a time, dunno why i always forget my own advice. i hope you are enjoying this feast of food!

You too! I am cooking up a storm, already full after breakfast, wondering if I can eat even 1/4 of the food I'm cooking. I have cursed the people from America's Test Kitchen already multiple times.

baby steps, surm <3 hope you make it thru okay

i made it thru, but i need to talk to my mom. i'll call her tomorrow.

goodgod my anxiety levels really shoot through the roof whenever i decide to sort out/find receipts etc for tax purposes + feeling like i'm The Most Disorganized Person in the World, who should have better systems for all this by now right. haha wrong. aaaagh! i need some preventative care in the form of organization, but that feels like kind of a mystery.

i almost cried but i didn't cry

might still cry

I haven't filed my 2012 taxes yet, how's that? And I'm not even a freelancer.

Take heart, young rrrobyn. You are a good person who knows things and is competent at life. Just maybe not this one little skill that you only need once a year anyway and can probably get by without.

in orbit otm

buck up, lil buckaroo

logically, it's cool
in my anxiety brain it's like zoopzoopzoopbraaaahurrrrr

but a good thing: i just called about an old govt money-owing thing that was a mistake on their part i'd never dealt with and they said it's all good, zero balance, not gone to collection or anything scary like that, owe nothing.
taking care of business, slowly but surely...

i let my desk get beyond crazy in the past couple of months but am dismantling the mountain...
thanks :)

when things really aren't going well in a longish-term (for a 22 year old at least) relationship, and you're constantly worried about money and having to work 55-60 hour weeks to cover rent/bills/food/life, and you're neglecting your MA (which is what has gotten you into the money worries, and then the stresses that brings to a relationship)...that's an ok time to feel horrible anxious all the time and live with a permanent sense of very real dread, right?

yeah

clear ur mind and stay focused on the ma though, it is the one non-transient thing that will get u out of this in time

which isnt to freight it like its ur one shot at life, just yknow it's learning and creativity and stuff, it's cool, dont look at it purely as a source of stress

my anxiety treatment involves thinking of something very simple to do, carving out a slice of time, and then doing it. even if it means going a few blocks away from my normal routine to sit reading the newspaper over coffee for half an hour. not as useful if your anxiety stems from a lack of having any sort of routine, but intentionally doing something trivial can be a break.

It's bad.

So bad that I almost called an ambulance for myself last night because I thought I was having a heart attack and I don't know what to do at this point. Either I actually have developed a heart condition which, you know, I guess I could have or I am more anxious than I've ever been before. I feel horrible and I'm really scared.

And now I feel dumb for even posting that.

medical advice or at least a therapist is pretty much your best option here.

don't feel dumb. it's ok.

x-post - I know. I see my therapist tomorrow. I just don't know what to do right now.

find some kind of task, even an organizational one that you can turn your attention to, or some kind of exercise or music or something to kind of immmerse yourself into. the more you sit and think about it the more you're going to feed the anxiety. without any meds or tools to help you, you just kind of need to shift gears for right now.

pull back out of that mindset however you can for right now, because it's sort of addictive, like an itch you can't stop scratching.

your brain is tell you that you're under attack, and your body is responding to that feeling. whatever you can do to tell yourself you're okay *right now*, whatever you can do to try to relax, will help for the moment. but you need to try as hard as you can to not relive that experience from last night.

*telling you

Ime cognitive behavioral therapy is a big help managing those physical symptoms - learning to control your breathing etc.

Can you get out and go for a walk? That has always been my go-to emergency treatment. It usually only helps the duration of the walk but at least its some respite.

Thanks guys. I took two ativan and just called my doctor. I can't keep having this happen. I've never felt like like before and it's horrible. I have a couple meetings to get me through the afternoon but fuck I feel like I'm literally going to die. I know I'm not but that's what it feels like and having this happen over and over is making me feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

major stress can make you p vulnerable to anxiety, and then once they set in, the fear of having the attacks can bring them on, putting you in the kind of spiral you're in now.

just even somewhere quiet, somewhere outdoors for 10 minutes where you can breathe and center again can help. but don't hunker down waiting for it to happen. try whatever distraction you can to get out of the headspace you're in right now.

one of my best friends went through a horrible period where she didn't leave her house for a year because of anxiety attacks...that was a long time ago but it's still really scary for her when they come back. she's mostly fine now though. you can manage them and you can have a normal life.

the biggest takeaway is you won't feel like this all the time. it'll just take a bit of work to undo and diffuse the anxiety.

I know. I mean, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so anxiety is not new to me but panic attacks of this intensity and frequency are. Also, I had my GAD pretty under control but this stress has just completely reversed that.

I just wrote to some friends and asked if I could stay over tonight. I'm literally afraid to be alone because I'm afraid I'm going to die. I know this sounds crazy and that I'm not I just don't know what to do. I have to fly on Thurs and am freaking out about that too but I can't not go see my parents - they've been waiting for this visit since Christmas and if I don't go they'll freak out. I just don't want to panic on the plane which is exactly what you were explaining here: major stress can make you p vulnerable to anxiety, and then once they set in, the fear of having the attacks can bring them on, putting you in the kind of spiral you're in now.

The Ativan kicked in and I feel a little better but fuck me.

keep your head in what can i do in this hour, what can i do in this afternoon, what can i do tonight, break everything down into small chunks.

ask yr therapist specifically to help you address the flight on thursday. whether it's upping or changing yr meds for that flight so you can deal, some kind of toolkit so that you know that that is a thing that is now 'taken care of'.

but yeah the generalized worry about yr new panic attacks, flying, your parents, etc etc is going to make you crazy. do whatever you can to make everything really small and manageable.

Hey VG? Thank you. Seriously. This is some really good advice. You're extremely kind. <3

aw np. I was just going to apologize for overdoing it <3

i just know how scared and lost my friend gets when it happens, and I have had a couple of bad attacks myself. it's a horrible, horrible feeling. it's nice to have some cognitive things, kind of like a handrail, to help get you out of that place.

Crap! I have been there.

Regarding the trip: on the one hand, you don't want to avoid stuff and reinforce the anxiety, but otoh it sounds like you need a serious TIME OUT. A big part of self-care for me has been setting boundaries and sometimes disappointing people when I am simply not feeling up to certain things.

You'll get through this patch, though. I thought I was truly dying almost every day for the past year & I thought I would never be ok, I would always have attacks & never enjoy life again. None of that was true.

Veg has great advice, especially about manageable chunks! I think part of my anxiety problems stem from ADHD. I get overwhelmed and can't break things down easily. Are you like that, too?

One thing you should know is that literally no one has ever died from a panic attack, so just remind yourself of that frequently. Make sure you're breathing through your nose and not hyperventilating.

Yeah, not going away this weekend isn't really an option at all and I think it'll actually be OK. I'm just gonna lay around the pool and let my dad cook for me basically. There's a bunch of potentially really stressful shit that could happen while I'm down there but I'm not gonna worry too much about that until it happens.

My PCP Dr. called in some Effexor for me which is what I used to be on for anxiety and I think I'm gonna start again even if it's only for a couple months until I get better adjusted. That should be ready to pick up early next week. Hung out with friends last night which was good and feel generally better today.

So it goes.

yay <3

Glad you're feeling better :)

chill with Maggiisho

oh there will be lots of that :)

i probably said this upthread, and so i apologize for repeating myself -- this sounds like bogus self help advice, but it has really helped me with panic anxiety symptoms in the past, both situational and non. panic symptoms feel like things that happen TO me, even IN SPITE OF ME, and they have this inevitable, unavoidable quality around them, which is a large part of why they're so terrifying. however, simply realizing (and coming up with rigid cognitive steps to help me remember) that i can control my response to the symptoms, and that controlling my response to the symptoms will make them go away, has helped me avoid countless panic attacks. i even managed to fly without medication using that simple cognitive foundation. it took a lot of exercise to really drill it into my mind, but even just starting the process helped an amazing amount. i really hope you feel better soon.