Blue Saturday

lol

ha — i had assumed he was 17 yr old wasp progeny that had maybe read abt adorno on wikipedia

i will try to explore more indian classical music over the break. i've been interested for a while but hard to find an entry point, those youtubes should do wunderschön.

considered rebranding as "Lurching towards Jerusalem"

killed so many brain cells this past couple weeks but they weren't busy so hey

proposed CBBC show, Satori Superstore, we'll get Alain de Botton in to host and drown the fucker in a gunge tank

wd recommend Burton's Anatomy of Melancholy for such times (indeed any times). Forgive me quoting a big chunk, but this is one of my favourite written passages ever:

I hear new news every day, and those ordinary rumours of war, plagues, fires, inundations, thefts, murders, massacres, meteors, comets, spectrums, prodigies, apparitions, of towns taken, cities besieged in France, Germany, Turkey, Persia, Poland, &c., daily musters and preparations, and such like, which these tempestuous times afford, battles fought, so many men slain, monomachies, shipwrecks, piracies and sea-fights; peace, leagues, stratagems, and fresh alarms. A vast confusion of vows, wishes, actions, edicts, petitions, lawsuits, pleas, laws, proclamations, complaints, grievances are daily brought to our ears. New books every day, pamphlets, corantoes, stories, whole catalogues of volumes of all sorts, new paradoxes, opinions, schisms, heresies, controversies in philosophy, religion, &c. Now come tidings of weddings, maskings, mummeries, entertainments, jubilees, embassies, tilts and tournaments, trophies, triumphs, revels, sports, plays: then again, as in a new shifted scene, treasons, cheating tricks, robberies, enormous villainies in all kinds, funerals, burials, deaths of princes, new discoveries, expeditions, now comical, then tragical matters. Today we hear of new lords and officers created, tomorrow of some great men deposed, and then again of fresh honours conferred; one is let loose, another imprisoned; one purchaseth, another breaketh: he thrives, his neighbour turns bankrupt; now plenty, then again dearth and famine; one runs, another rides, wrangles, laughs, weeps, &c. This I daily hear, and such like, both private and public news, amidst the gallantry and misery of the world; jollity, pride, perplexities and cares, simplicity and villainy; subtlety, knavery, candour and integrity, mutually mixed and offering themselves...

Anatomy of Melancholy is a book i've long wanted to read but never quite found the right copy to snuggle up with

I picked up an unread NYRB edition from a local charity shop for a couple of quid recently, that find made my day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnZ3YtA1Q0

really wanna rock Eazy's bathrobe look irl

Dear N

Had a dream about you last night, another little psychic reminder that as much as we're friends and co-parents, everything else is irrevocably over. And I woke up crying and then I went back to sleep and then when I woke up I wasn't sure if I'd been crying or dreaming about it. And then I dragged myself into work and had a little chat with my boss about a student who felt I'd patronised them the other day and then I lost my shit altogether and months worth of crying started busting out of me, such a mess, sitting here now after the storm sleepy and weepy and god help me.

And much as the memory of the dream hurts I still keep picking at it because, y'know, if love is dead then even the ghost of love is better than nothing at all. If I can't remember how happy we used to make each other then thinking about how sad your memory makes me now is at least the negative of that memory and I can make a contact print where all the love becomes ouch.

I'm not gonna tell you this because it's not cool. You don't need my unburdenment any more. So into my dead letter office it goes.

Love
J

hey.

Life eh?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/P1000416.jpg

having a chat with an Occupational Health nurse this morning and struggling to explain what's "wrong", tho i don't feel so bad tbh, but i just wanted to say "look, the void, it's over there"

imagine she could see it, tho, hat'd be freaky enough, she'd say 'omg where did that void come from, how shocking'

where's the pic taken from NV?

in Rugeley where my mom and dad live, we were walking along the canal bank

hmmm, work or suicide

i can't afford to be unemployed but my flaky efforts to turn up on time every day and then do some productive stuff and deal with other people and give a shit and justify my existence are not helping anybody i don't think cos everything looks slightly green and alien right now and i don't know where the twitches and the vacancies and the talking out loud to myself - just out of earshot of other people, i'm not crazy - and the missing of bed and the fight or flight and the shut the fuck up dumbasses have a place in this other people world yuk so creepy so messy so unfair

Can you get signed off for a bit?

Saying this as someone who has been lurking on this thread because I like your posts and I have similar issues myself but have never felt I had anything to add that you guys weren't saying better

i'm on reduced hours but lying in bed til i get delirious isn't helping either, i need structure but i hate structure, just responding to unwelcome pokes that keep me in the world

yeah yeah i mean i'm here but i'm not even

http://www.pavelmatela.com/images/parazit_Yves_Klein_leap_into_the_void_malir_prostoru_vrhajici_se.jpg

not sad not bored just hung out there

i don't get what this concrete is that fixes people into their world and stops them moving or wanting to move, so much words unnecessary, actions unexamined unfelt living

i guess people want to stay in the little safety sphere they've constructed and are afraid that stepping out of it will fuck everything forever

plus i've still got some good boxsets to catch and everything else seem's like it'd be work

ah man work seems like work

saw some packets of "SLIMING TEA" in a chinese supermarket window today

people with medical quals talking to me about 2 years to permanent abstinence from alcohol. quite scared of saying goodbye to my oldest friend.

On the other hand you might get to develop a passing acquaintance with your normal serotonin levels.

:) the bit of me i hate agrees with you and is going to do this

Excellent! Now that you mention it, does the sort of desperate desperation of the last few...weeks(?) have a sort of last gasp quality to it? I think you're ready to do something different.

when i read some of this thread back all you guys who i like to think of as my friends make me very happy, and i respect the ongoing struggles we all have to work out a liveable path, and i wish y'all nothing but understanding and love and whatever epiphanies you need :)

ah man work seems like work

― only Brod can judge me (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 22 November 2012

yeah but in it's favour i'll allow that work don't pretend to nothin fuckin else

is that its or it's ffs

fuckit grammar pedants can fuck off an all i'm plenty smart regardless and i'll argue it either way i guess

it's "its" but yeah grammar pedants gtf

its bramble

it's 'it's' because the 's belongs to it *slams drink on table*

get happy be happy stay happy all on this thread.

can be pedant king, fuck a pedant

can i just die now

just need you to get that report we spoke about yesterday on my desk first, ta

i cdn't even form the words this week

but hugs, clouds

i've been packing in booze for the dry years ahead, probly not a top plan. feel like you need to be incredibly selfish to detox but hey why not.

i feel like as long as there's soup and chocolate and Football Manager and books to read and some music, that's enough, that ought to be more than enough

and i'll just bumble thru the crap inbetween

i'm just holding on until the end of the semester

it's ridiculous, there isn't even that much stuff for me to do; just sick of the roles, the interactions, the meaningless conversations, 20 year olds, &c &c

i just want to do nothing

Italo: He likes people similar to himself and does not trust those who are different. That's why a normal man is a true brother, a true citizen, a true patriot...

Marcello: A true fascist.

that amazing picture of the kids with twp (and the one with ronaldo) doesn't seem to show up anymore

i know! i'm not sure why, seem to have put it on an odd host maybe. will check my photobucket.

hmmm i've got a Des Walker

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/DSCF8161.jpg

nice

des walker is a sort of ultimate early-90s fitba player like nicky summerbee or gianluigi lentini

some random pop star

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/dec07005.jpg

hey nv i don't really post here but i do lurk from time to time and i just wanted to let you know i think yr a good dude and much of this thread ~resonates~ and yeah keep on keeping on man that's about all.