Blue Saturday

i dunno nv maybe it's best to recognize situations where a stoic/no-mind attitude could be useful as opposed to situations that seem to call for action?

i was gonna post "i like big drinks and i cannot lie" here but then i forgot

i dunno clouds, i feel like no-mind is really necessary or not? i can participate when i'm asked, contrary to my moaning up there, but it feels v. tenuous today. i guess most of us skirt the line of not getting fired as close as we can.

i like everybody's tunes today, just wasn't able to listen at work.

srsly, i got nothing. that's ok.

read a ton of interesting a/theology today when i shd've been working, too

still at it?

aren't we all? /frankie howerd

emotion for continuance

the more i write like Charles Pooter the happier i am

likewise, but veering mor towards aspirations of mencken

Veering Mor, former Dutch foreign minister

some days are better than others i guess, no matter how rationally one can approach... i don't know, lyfe

reading aurelius/lao tzu/et al can be comforting and attractive, especially living in a city and feeling like violence is underneath everything.

e.m. cioran might fit your mood? mb it would exacerbate it, i dunno.

i've finally mustered up enough energy to seriously look for a job where i can use whatever skills i've built up. i do have skills! it's good to remind oneself. really, i just can't work w/ teenagers or wear a fucking polo shirt.

drawing yr own limits is good and recognising yr own skills is better. and teenagers are exhausting as fuck tho i do enjoy their company :)

i think the whoel complaining vs consoling vs exacerbating vs trying to explicate is the whole reason i moan on this thread - i think you're right about comforting and attractive, typing misdirected words for my (much loved) but invisible internet friends is why i like this cosy hole of a thread - we can talk about nothing together and all get no closer - but flailing at the unpointable is good exercise

wanted to do smart epigraph here but bollocks, drunk. feel like i'm marching in time. it's just the other fuckers innit?

everyone needs to get the new lindstrom album, even if u are ambivalent about whether music has really been a worthwhile use of everyone's time these last few centuries, it has to be said that this is towards the better end of the music spectrum

is there guitars

is it better than Vitalogy?

it has production-sound and concept-sound and sound-sound. LOL.

why does he only use his surname

i have thought the same thing, but it is a good surname

that is true tbf

i feel like i am at an impasse wrt non-classical stuff; just autechre/drexciya/afx over and over

listening to a lot of prokofiev lately, esp the string quartets

thanking clouds for bringing dojo to our attention, but saddened by the suggestion in his newer posts that he might not actually be a native german speaker trying to improvise in concept-english, and positively DEVUHSTATED by the possibility that we will never get to see a dojo-hongro discourse unless the big norwegian returns in good time

i like prokofiev. the turkish/sufi/karnatic/dronetastic trail upthread is worth pursuing i think. i feel at an impasse with music tbh in terms of knowing what i want from it, but i like that sound right now, i like the unravelling of threads i can't follow

jo-hon cru

hongroe langsam style

lol

ha — i had assumed he was 17 yr old wasp progeny that had maybe read abt adorno on wikipedia

i will try to explore more indian classical music over the break. i've been interested for a while but hard to find an entry point, those youtubes should do wunderschön.

considered rebranding as "Lurching towards Jerusalem"

killed so many brain cells this past couple weeks but they weren't busy so hey

proposed CBBC show, Satori Superstore, we'll get Alain de Botton in to host and drown the fucker in a gunge tank

wd recommend Burton's Anatomy of Melancholy for such times (indeed any times). Forgive me quoting a big chunk, but this is one of my favourite written passages ever:

I hear new news every day, and those ordinary rumours of war, plagues, fires, inundations, thefts, murders, massacres, meteors, comets, spectrums, prodigies, apparitions, of towns taken, cities besieged in France, Germany, Turkey, Persia, Poland, &c., daily musters and preparations, and such like, which these tempestuous times afford, battles fought, so many men slain, monomachies, shipwrecks, piracies and sea-fights; peace, leagues, stratagems, and fresh alarms. A vast confusion of vows, wishes, actions, edicts, petitions, lawsuits, pleas, laws, proclamations, complaints, grievances are daily brought to our ears. New books every day, pamphlets, corantoes, stories, whole catalogues of volumes of all sorts, new paradoxes, opinions, schisms, heresies, controversies in philosophy, religion, &c. Now come tidings of weddings, maskings, mummeries, entertainments, jubilees, embassies, tilts and tournaments, trophies, triumphs, revels, sports, plays: then again, as in a new shifted scene, treasons, cheating tricks, robberies, enormous villainies in all kinds, funerals, burials, deaths of princes, new discoveries, expeditions, now comical, then tragical matters. Today we hear of new lords and officers created, tomorrow of some great men deposed, and then again of fresh honours conferred; one is let loose, another imprisoned; one purchaseth, another breaketh: he thrives, his neighbour turns bankrupt; now plenty, then again dearth and famine; one runs, another rides, wrangles, laughs, weeps, &c. This I daily hear, and such like, both private and public news, amidst the gallantry and misery of the world; jollity, pride, perplexities and cares, simplicity and villainy; subtlety, knavery, candour and integrity, mutually mixed and offering themselves...

Anatomy of Melancholy is a book i've long wanted to read but never quite found the right copy to snuggle up with

I picked up an unread NYRB edition from a local charity shop for a couple of quid recently, that find made my day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnZ3YtA1Q0

really wanna rock Eazy's bathrobe look irl

Dear N

Had a dream about you last night, another little psychic reminder that as much as we're friends and co-parents, everything else is irrevocably over. And I woke up crying and then I went back to sleep and then when I woke up I wasn't sure if I'd been crying or dreaming about it. And then I dragged myself into work and had a little chat with my boss about a student who felt I'd patronised them the other day and then I lost my shit altogether and months worth of crying started busting out of me, such a mess, sitting here now after the storm sleepy and weepy and god help me.

And much as the memory of the dream hurts I still keep picking at it because, y'know, if love is dead then even the ghost of love is better than nothing at all. If I can't remember how happy we used to make each other then thinking about how sad your memory makes me now is at least the negative of that memory and I can make a contact print where all the love becomes ouch.

I'm not gonna tell you this because it's not cool. You don't need my unburdenment any more. So into my dead letter office it goes.

Love
J

hey.

Life eh?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/P1000416.jpg

having a chat with an Occupational Health nurse this morning and struggling to explain what's "wrong", tho i don't feel so bad tbh, but i just wanted to say "look, the void, it's over there"

imagine she could see it, tho, hat'd be freaky enough, she'd say 'omg where did that void come from, how shocking'

where's the pic taken from NV?

in Rugeley where my mom and dad live, we were walking along the canal bank

hmmm, work or suicide

i can't afford to be unemployed but my flaky efforts to turn up on time every day and then do some productive stuff and deal with other people and give a shit and justify my existence are not helping anybody i don't think cos everything looks slightly green and alien right now and i don't know where the twitches and the vacancies and the talking out loud to myself - just out of earshot of other people, i'm not crazy - and the missing of bed and the fight or flight and the shut the fuck up dumbasses have a place in this other people world yuk so creepy so messy so unfair

Can you get signed off for a bit?

Saying this as someone who has been lurking on this thread because I like your posts and I have similar issues myself but have never felt I had anything to add that you guys weren't saying better

i'm on reduced hours but lying in bed til i get delirious isn't helping either, i need structure but i hate structure, just responding to unwelcome pokes that keep me in the world

yeah yeah i mean i'm here but i'm not even

http://www.pavelmatela.com/images/parazit_Yves_Klein_leap_into_the_void_malir_prostoru_vrhajici_se.jpg

not sad not bored just hung out there

i don't get what this concrete is that fixes people into their world and stops them moving or wanting to move, so much words unnecessary, actions unexamined unfelt living

i guess people want to stay in the little safety sphere they've constructed and are afraid that stepping out of it will fuck everything forever

plus i've still got some good boxsets to catch and everything else seem's like it'd be work

ah man work seems like work

saw some packets of "SLIMING TEA" in a chinese supermarket window today

people with medical quals talking to me about 2 years to permanent abstinence from alcohol. quite scared of saying goodbye to my oldest friend.