Babygirl, unpack yr sweaters and get FABULOUS in FALL gay homo queer &c 2012

I just posted a whole ton of stuff in thread of ballroom chants, vogueing beats, and associated cuntiness (MikeQ, B. Ames, Vjuan Allure, Jay Karan, etc.) in case you want want to get your spin, dip, and duckwalk on.

i came out to my parents this week. went very well... no one was shocked.

Hey congratulations that is awesome news!! Good on your parents!

yay!

yeah, i'm def lucky

congrats, J!

doncha all just love the non-shocked response?

Excellent! Congrats!

Neat! I wish I could do it again. I may still.

i make a point of coming out every day by using some strategically-placed gender-specific pronouns.

congrats jordan, well done

it does feel better, doesn't it?

I just recall that, as awkward as it is leading up to it, that it takes a certain crouched / cramped psychic dynamic and unfolds it and lets you breathe a little easier (says the person whose parents were-- mostly-- cool about it). There will be awkward follow up conversations galore, but still, way to go

yay j0rdan!

so many hugs and smiles for you.

There will be awkward follow up conversations galore, but still, way to go

― the tune was space, Sunday, November 4, 2012 11:10 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

yeah... sorta not anticipating this, but oh well. i guess they'll mostly happen on the phone tho.

thanks y'all

awesome j0rdan

hooray! congrats!

way to go, j0rdan!

good for you. never saying anything worked out fine for me.

Jordan, that is so rad!! I am way happy to hear it worked out so well.

Right now I'm in the process of learning that breakups are bad and then get better but then sometimes get worse again!! Who knew?

I feel like I'm in a tremendously fucked-up and weird and not-very-healing situation right now (ex and I are both dating faeries and I have to see him at events making out w/ his guy) and I don't really know what to do.

And I tried to tell him like "hey, we are still close and care about each other and are working on a friendship but the way we are doing it is not working out v well for me w/r/t like watching each other make out with other ppl and stuff, it stirs up weird feelings" and he basically told me that he was fine with seeing me see other people, I was being territorial and that it was my problem, he didn't know what I wanted him to say, and that he wishes I would've just dealt with this on my own instead of having to tell him. So then I spent half a day at work like hiding in the bathroom trying not to cry and then the other half so fucking pissed I could barely think straight.

You can make out with his guy.

His guy and I have a sort of rocky history; he is maybe not my favorite person. He's pretty territorial himself and will a) assert himself and, like, make sure to be noticeably touchy-feely with my ex when I try to talk to him b) be a dick to other people that try to have conversations with my ex

Also he wouldn't give a shit

ex and I are both dating faeries

I have a possible solution.

*evil laugh*

eric's solution is correct

thx guys

Stevie, what would be the ideal solution?

stevie all my sympathy and stuff, your ex and his man are being dicks but tbh

he wishes I would've just dealt with this on my own instead of having to tell him

this is right. he's not going out with you any more. you have to deal with them being dicks because they're not obliged...not to be. and from the sounds of it, they're not gonna stop it. you don't need to put effort into maintaining a friendship with your ex, it's nice when it pans out that way but it sounds like you're putting in more work than he is when, again, you're not dating any more and it shouldn't be occupying more of your time or emotions than is absolutely necessary and you have a new man anyway, work on him! if they're gonna be dicks, cut em off and don't feel guilt. emotions might happen but emotions schmemotions, fuck those too

Ideal solution: we both roll in totally separate circles, limit interaction to one-on-one time or less sexually-charged spaces. Obv that's not really the situation here.
More realistic solution: he at least gives one fucking shit abt trying to build this friendship/exhibits an ounce of sensitivity

Yeah, the problem is that you're both way into what I have to assume is a very insular community.

My advice is to date a very successful businessman in order to put your ex in his place.

xps that is actually p otm. I mean the friendship thing was a mutual agreement we had and something he really wanted to do too, but I feel like it's falling more on me at this point since I'm the one w/ the problem? I mean in our convo I told him that there is no easy solution, I'm not telling him to stop coming around to stuff or something, that really I don't know *what* to do but that I also felt like it was something we ought at least discuss and I guess I was a little caught off guard when he just didn't care at all.

eric also otm

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_683/133509604888H1t2.jpg

Am I fucking insane though? Is it wrong to feel weird about watching your ex + his new guy rolling around on a bed making out?

I don't think that's unreasonable

I thought that's all faeries did. Sit in circles and watch each other join genitals.

Is it the bed that makes it weird?

xp not quite

i don't think anyone would want to witness that but at the same time if you're going to go to parties - any parties - with them you kind of have to expect it?

you've done all you can do, which is tell him how you feel - imo going above and beyond the call of duty there, and if he's not interested in hearing you then your options are pretty much a) deal b) not be in that scene.

I have been leaning v heavily toward b) recently

(i don't mean to sound harsh but as detailed elsewhere on ilx my advice tends to be very #realtalk #fuckyofeelings and it's even more so irl, i wag my finger at people and everything and i'm ALWAYS RIGHT)

All joking aside, though, I agree with lex. Given (and this might not actually be given) the atmosphere of free sexuality in the scene ... I'm not sure I see that many other viable options except to truly embrace the freedom or gtfo.

The insularity of the social group is the problem. Eric otm. But I don't know how to fix it.

i think the best solution given the obstacles is to DEAL!

it sucks seeing your ex make out with someone else etc and it's totally understandable that it hurts but y'know what just force yourself to put up with it, focus on YOUR man, REFUSE to be upset - perhaps an easier way is to refuse to let him see that you're upset because that means he's "won" - and in time you'll wake up one day and you won't actually be upset

exactly. it's so fucked up, like, okay, we break up, and we take a month off, and then SURPRISE we both wind up in this same fucking thing where everything gets stirred back up

An ex-lover and close friend of mine, "A", he started dating an attention-starved young guy who'd clear his throat and place himself between anybody talking to A, he'd call A away from conversations, interrupt people talking to A, and so forth. It was especially directed toward me, as A and I still have a strong relationship that sometimes includes arms around each other in a brotherly way.

Anyway at first I was like "wow this guy sucks" but there was a strange pleasure I took in ignoring his pleas for attention, being unruffled when he'd split up any conversation. Stevie I think there's an immense amount of pleasure to be had in stoicism in the face of asshole exes (or their asshole new bfs). I hope you find that feeling soon.

i agree with lex for the most part here but otoh man the whole "i have to WIN this failed relationship" thing just...idk, sits uneasy with me. like i once dated this guy, i liked him i guess more than he liked me, things obv didn't work out but there was also this social situation where i ended up seeing him out every week for months after it ended, and i went ahead with the "ok, stiff upper lip, don't let him see you're upset, WIN this thing" etc, and it honestly just made me feel fucking miserable. i guess what i'm saying is if you think it'll aid in yr self-preservation, dropping out of the "scene", even if just for a time, is absolutely an option and one worth considering. (i think i am increasingly on whatever the opponent of team #fuckyofeelings is)

yeah taking time away can be important. like sometimes forcing yourself to deal with something is just not good for you. learned that one the hard way!

jordan that is so cool :-) :D :P <3

:-) :D :P <3

Reading all of those in a row makes it appear that the final one is mooning.