Hell Is Other People At Breakfast - Caring For Your Introvert

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"Although sometimes it's interesting to listen to other people talk. It's too bad it's not more acceptable to go to a party and just kind of soak things up."

ha. i know this guy who i would always see at parties who would just sit at the bar alone or stand by the wall, just watching people having fun. we're acquaintances, so i'd always felt bad for him, like "oh he doesn't have any friends here, i'll go chit-chat with him". i'd go over, make small talk, but he wouldn't be that responsive, so i'd talk even more to get him to talk more and 'have fun". i thought i was helping, but i guess really he just wanted me to shut the fuck up, go away, and let him soak things up. oh well. next time, i'll just wave from across the room.

― phil-two (phil-two), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:55 (twenty years ago)

haha

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:56 (twenty years ago)

This is why the good Lord invented sexy dancing

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Monday, 20 February 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

'introvert advantage' = same advantage as anyone who listens. You pick up information, information is helpful, this is not worth writing a book about.

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Monday, 20 February 2006 20:49 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

Me and my boyfriend have different bedrooms because we're both such severe introverts, no matter how much we love each other we just don't want to be forced to share the same space constantly even if it means somewhat higher rents.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:36 (nineteen years ago)

Abbott you are a wise, wise person.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:37 (nineteen years ago)

i did not mean to kibosh latebloomer's new thread on this by posting link to old thread btw :/

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:38 (nineteen years ago)

i am an optimistic misanthropist

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

i am writing a book on it

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

or at least a detailed website

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

www.happywhenitrains.ca

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:40 (nineteen years ago)

Every time I explain the living sitch to others, they're baffled. But when I say to some people, "You know, we're both geminis," they immeiately go, "Oh, okay, no wonder." Not that I believe in it, but easy way to get off the hook. I get tired of explaining that & my congenital anosmia over & over.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

it is actually called 'we are all special but please fuck off' dot com
xpost

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

rrrobyn, you should work on that instead of your thesis!

― estela, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

in theory i work on it every day

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:43 (nineteen years ago)

;_;

― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:44 (nineteen years ago)

He's painting things in very absolutist terms, as if there is ONLY a state of extroversion and ONLY a state of introversion, and everybody belongs to ONE of the two. Of course, as one who can be said to have many extroverted characteristics I probably haven't understood him properly. I'm cool with that.

― Just got offed, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:46 (nineteen years ago)

my first thought was, why didn't me and xxxxx think of this? but then, she wasn't near the introvert I am. and then i think, what are the chances i'll ever meet a true introvert? i barely leave the house myself! i envy your introvert luv, abbott.

xpost x 10^5 to abbott's living situation

― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:48 (nineteen years ago)

sorry rrrobyn, i'm afraid i have got a bit of a jiminy cricket streak, but without the songs

― estela, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:50 (nineteen years ago)

'Extroverts' can think to themselves for extended periods of time too. As I've grown I've learnt to temper my unstoppable spurts of verbal diaorrhea, calm down, take two seconds before leaping. That's not introversion, that's sophistication. To define oneself with a flip 'introvert' or 'extrovert' is to deny one's own independence and ability to adapt to different social situations, and I'd rather not do so, although I appreciate that the terms are generally used relativistically. If so, then let me be an extrovert, and let me point out the mild irony inherent in going HAY GUYS LOOKIT ME I'M AN INTROVERT GUYS GUYS. Now gods stand up for extroverts!

― Just got offed, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:53 (nineteen years ago)

i am also happy like that! that is the optimism part! and i am good with people but often generally dissappointed in them at the same time. unless they are good ones obv.
i try.
xpost

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:57 (nineteen years ago)

hmm... I would bet that introverts are possibly even more 'extroverted' than extroverts on teh intrewebs b/c the dynamic is totally different and gives the introvert a means of interacting freely with other people without all the baggage of actually being in their presence.

― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:03 (nineteen years ago)

maybe it's an ENERGY thing (cue windham hill tape)

― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:04 (nineteen years ago)

I'm just fine in interacting w/others IRL, but in small doses.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:04 (nineteen years ago)

Abbott, I would love to have a relationship situation like that. I fear most people would be awfully put out by the idea of not having one room, it's great that you understand each other that way!

― Maria, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:10 (nineteen years ago)

I smiled and I wished them well but it niggles to ignore the empty haiderr of ended fetishes.

― Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:11 (nineteen years ago)

stupidly shy attention-seeker, here.

― jed_, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:11 (nineteen years ago)

you need to be in a band

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:13 (nineteen years ago)

bonus: you get to make music

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:15 (nineteen years ago)

I once merely sought attention, but now I'm trying to only make myself seen if what I'm doing or saying is worth seeing or hearing. Selective extroversion based upon judgement of situation.

I also want to be in a band, but my band-mate hasn't got back in touch with me for over eight weeks :(

― Just got offed, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:17 (nineteen years ago)

my sense of humour can be fairly deadpan btw

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:21 (nineteen years ago)

I'm an introvert, too. I find it very difficult to find new friends with the same need for socializing as I have (i.e. very little). I'll make a new friend and they'll start calling and trying to make plans more than I'm comfortable with. I need a good dose of people every couple of weeks. Scott same way. That's why Beth Parker and Donwaldo are perfect for us -- they don't take it personally if we don't talk for a month, and it's always nice when they come over every few weeks (of course we also keep up with each other on the interweb).

I totally get the quote upthread about needing time alone with one's thoughts to recharge.

― Maria :D, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:47 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, i've made friends with people who felt like if they didn't see me at least once or twice a week one-on-one that i wasn't actually being their friend. and i'm like dudes unless you are my boyfriend or a really really good friend esp if you live nearby then that is not going to happen and it is not personal. i am a fan of parties though and could go to parties every weekend. and i do love the internet...

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:54 (nineteen years ago)

i would hang out with rrobyn once a month! and estela! but the rest of you frighten me. okay, that's not true. sometimes i wish i had friends, but i don't know what the hell i would do with them. i LOVE the time i get by myself these days. which isn't often. but i guess it's enough. before maria and the boys i could go weeks without talking to someone outside of work. work talk was enough for me. i think maria has actually made me more agreeable around other people. i even flew across the country and hung out with ned! i never would have done that on my own. not in a million years.

― scott seward, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:05 (nineteen years ago)

I'm suprised I didnt post to this thread last time round. People assume I'm all chatty and social but I'm totally not: I do it, but I find it an incredible strain and need to be alone a lot to balance it out.

I can be around a partner, but only one I trust enough to completely drop all my masks.

― Trayce, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:07 (nineteen years ago)

oh, and i am definitely thankful for Beth Parker and Donald. Cuz they are really the only people I talk to at all. And you should at least talk to two other people outside of your family. in case you need help moving furniture some day.

― scott seward, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:07 (nineteen years ago)

Hahah. Its so true.

― Trayce, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:12 (nineteen years ago)

I would bet that introverts are possibly even more 'extroverted' than extroverts on teh intrewebs b/c the dynamic is totally different and gives the introvert a means of interacting freely with other people without all the baggage of actually being in their presence.

http://www.ilxor.com/

― Curt1s Stephens, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:13 (nineteen years ago)

There are only two kinds of people in the world, introverts and extro... no, wait, that can't be right.

― Aimless, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:15 (nineteen years ago)

i tend to have lots of aquaintances and then some people i'd like to be better friends with but we don't manage to see each other v often and then good friends i don't talk to enough and then a smallish group of good friends with whom i have dif kinds of friendships too. it is interesting and makes me love the world, this variety. but then i also meet all kinds of people who make me cringe. i am mostly about mutual respect and if that's not there, then y'know. i.e., friends are people who will help you move if they can.

xpost - haha yeah curtis i thought that was pretty captain obvious too

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

obvious and prob true

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:20 (nineteen years ago)

It's hard for me to even meet acquaintances.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:20 (nineteen years ago)

Fortunately after a very lonely childhood I am excellent at entertaining myself. This can be a disadvantage, as I'm not especially creative about entertaining others, esp. if they don't like non-sport games or mini golf.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:21 (nineteen years ago)

nobody should have to 'entertain' others, i think

i have this new-ish friend who is a total talker but i actually like it b/c he talks abt interesting things and is happy that i listen and engage, but sometimes i want to say "hey, you keep talking and i'm just going to lay down on this patch of grass in the sunlight and zone out, but i'm still listening!" which i am, listening, thinking. but i prob can't say that. yet.

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:26 (nineteen years ago)

oh i mean nobody should have to entertain others unless they are in a position of entertainment where they desire to entertain and/or are a clown/juggler/unicyclist/personiwanttopunch

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:27 (nineteen years ago)

interview tih the author:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts

― moley, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:30 (nineteen years ago)

Sometimes I talk way too much out of sheer nerves because I think the other person is bored with me if theyre not talking :( :(

― Trayce, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:32 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 113 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

As someone who is often extremely extroverted but then has to recoup that energy later with some low-demand days, I'm balancing today between people I have to put a TON of energy into being around, ie people who I'm not on the same wavelength as, so I have to heavily moderate my behavior/reactions...and later, going to see people who are very low-effort ie we're on the same page on so many things that being around them is a pleasure.

More of the latter in my life, pls.

― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Thursday, 24 November 2022 16:52 (three years ago)

I mean idk if that's being extro OR intro-verted, I think it's just "being around people" but whatever.

― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Thursday, 24 November 2022 16:52 (three years ago)

amen to the latter

― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 17:12 (three years ago)

It's folks who talk about themselves at length but never once think to ask how I'm doing that I cannot be doing with anymore, which sadly is 90% of my wife's extended family.

― MaresNest, Thursday, 24 November 2022 17:54 (three years ago)

Sorry. Feeling that one.

Seems to me some people just keep talking the way they would keep the engine running in their car so their battery won’t die.

― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:18 (three years ago)

when I used to hang out with people my favourites were those who talked about themselves without wanting or expecting any reciprocity

― oscar bravo, Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:25 (three years ago)

This is a interesting point. People talking about themselves at length is fine as long as they are picking up on the subtle or not-so-subtle cues of body language and such on whether you want to keep listening.

― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:46 (three years ago)

Which is similar to what MaresNest said.

― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:50 (three years ago)

I only learned “body language” is real a few years ago, I had thought it was made up for detective stories

― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 24 November 2022 19:39 (three years ago)

i’m hyper-aware of body language & micro-expressions so my stories are like two sentences long bc i’ll cut it short at the slightest hint of boredom

but my inner self just constantly tells me to shut up even when ppl seem intetested so i’m a better listener than talker lol

― werewolves of laudanum (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 24 November 2022 20:00 (three years ago)

I feel like I'm a pretty good listener and am genuinely interested in other people's lives.

I don't think I really require much reciprocal engagement, but when someone is sorta stuck on transmit all the while, I begin to get nervous and wonder why I'm even here.

― MaresNest, Thursday, 24 November 2022 22:53 (three years ago)

Otm

― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 23:02 (three years ago)

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