Babygirl, unpack yr sweaters and get FABULOUS in FALL gay homo queer &c 2012

Side note: Guys, I actually replied to a message from someone on OKC. Noncommittally, but this is kinda a big step for me. Next up, sending one.

Honestly I was feeling totally A+ by the time I got home at 5 am about just giving him some space to figure out where he is at with stuff and not overcrowd, but then he called this morning to say he was glad we had the talk we did last night about ~stuff~ and that the space will be good but said it in a way that is weird and vaguely non-committal about what direction we are moving in? Like after a direct question it seems that we are still boyfriends but he thinks space to figure things out for each of us without expectations would be good? Which sounds like a break but he's not wanting/calling this a break and he's being totally vague on if he still wants to be seeing each other a few times a week or if he means -space- space. So essentially I'm just gonna relax and play it by ear and wait to hear from him whenever he figures it out. Talking about it or actively trying to convince him of something will only get his back up.

Feeling strangely zen about it all.

Which means for the time being I can shut up about my relationship drama and instead be REALLY EXCITED for Eric. Yay!

Also, Lex, don't worry - "why have I not finished my shit that I need to do in time to socialize without guilt?" Is a question I perpetually face also.

Looks like handle changes are all the rage lately! I'm the poster formerly known as j3r.fa1ra11, btw. Felt like it was time to make myself less googleable.

Alex, really sorry to hear that things are crap right now. It's funny, I always feel severely ill equipped at giving out relationship advise despite being in one of 10+ years. I have to think its a combination of sheer luck and the commitment and insistence of a strong willed partner that has kept us together this long. Certainly this is something I could not have managed through my own efforts without the assistance of the some combination of the two.

The 20s are rocky for long term relationships, I guess, particularly the part where you are still working out the direction your life is going in terms of career and whatnot. The cool part is when you reach the point where you know that whatever you end up doing, they're likely to follow (and vice versa). It certainly lessens the anxieties of career and relationship when you know that one is settled. And as for Lex's issue, only thing I can say is that the guilt over not socializing later turns into, even when/if yr living together, guilt over ignoring them while you work. Especially if your S.O. thinks it's kind of silly and mean for you to be ignoring him and the puppy in the next room so you can crank out overthought opinions on Justin Bieber.

And yeah, the whole "will every fight result in a break up?" stage is the worst. I wouldn't go back to that for anything.

(that Justin Bieber thing was a specific personal reference, btw. I don't remember if Lex has reviewed any Bieber, or ignored anyone in the process of doing so.)

Hey, so I finally got together with D again last night. (Btw, +1 to coshowering) I really like him but I kind of have the problem lex does but maybe moreso cause he lives in the city and I live 45 mins out and only go down to Seattle once or twice a week (or not) for social/cultural things. And when I was in the city for several days continuously earlier this month, he was visiting home in Detroit. A couple other times we tried to arrange something together one of us was busy or not up for it. So we finally just got together again after like a month plus. We really like each other though!

As a side note, and maybe this is TMI, I kind of have a sexual conundrum. I really enjoy being submissive, but I really do not enjoy being penetrated. One kind of leads to the other though. I love the idea in theory and fantasize about it all the time but when it happens I'm just kind of like...oh right, I don't like that. Trying to figure out how to reconcile this.

well, there are all kinds of ways to be submissive, as I'm sure you've discovered. Do what makes you (and somebody else) happy.

xpost practice

I'm glad this has gone TMI. One of my problems with the guy I'm seeing is his confessions of liking "deviant" (his word) sex with strangers: bus stops, rest stops, gas stations. Although I'm not prude and don't mind open relationships, my reluctance to get penetrated has become -- no other phrase -- a sore point. I'm still wary of him, his impulsiveness, and the theoretical plagues he carries.

uh, that is basically gone beyond psychological danger into actual physical danger. i would avoid, for real.

Yeah, that's like the difference between liking horror movies and being in one.

Stevie, with whom I discussed this the other day, agreed. I love my independence so much though that I wonder whether I second guess myself: using quirks, fetishes, and neuroses to avoid the complexity of dealing intimately with another human being.

I pursued Ortonesque deviancy at various times but never did any 'high risk' activities.... it sounds like you know this is not the case with this guy.

i'm ok with indulging quirks/fetishes/neuroses so long as they're not adverse or harmful to the myself/the other person/the relationship and the other person is willing to indulge in mine a little too, since i certainly have some of my own. otoh, the sort of thing you describe, alfred, sounds pretty risky and i wouldn't put up with it personally.

i used to say that i was the total inverse of a "bossy bottom" ("timid top"?)

In his defense, he sounds ready to be monogamous but I can't get reststopsexgerms out of my head.

It's not clear to me the specific thing that is causing you worry about health. Is it a. The sex w/ strangers, per se, b. The location of those encounters, c. Specific "deviant" activities that are likely to cause infection?

I've done it in apartments that were less clean than rest stops.

The most dangerous thing I've ever done was leave his apartment while he was sleeping and not lock the door behind me.

You've had sex before????

zing

Wait that sounded really rude and wasn't supposed to

Rev, is it a pain thing? Bcz I've talked to (and uh shown) a lot of guys who were averse to bottoming bcz tbey were doing it wrong (going too fast, not stretching enough, not enough lube, awk position, etc.) Like you really don't want to be putting a cock in there unless you've been doing it regularly or you've spent a good 10-15 minutes with some fingers first.

Though if it's a nervousness/mental discomfort thing that is different

It is worth persistence though bcz when you get it right it is like daaaaaamn

^^^ (moments when you forget that lots of other non-gays follow this thead oops sry loltmi)

Eh, think of it as educating the masses.

itt: butthole pleasures

Xposts I can count the number on one hand, so basically no, I haven't.

butthole pleasures

someone with photoshop skills needs to get to work altering the joy division album cover

Wait number of ppl or number of TIMES? Or are their boundaries coterminous?

lol @ coterminous

pain; not a lot of pleasure

also alfred: get tested together, let him know you won't put up with high-risk activities

good idea!

pain; not a lot of pleasure

Stevie's Guide To The Butt:

• lots of lube*, both on you and him
• slooowwwly start with one finger, then two fingers, then three
• take dat pee-pee

*NEVER use lube w numbing agents (often marketed as anal-specific lube though some anal-specific lubes are just thicker and have no numbing chemicals), bcz if it hurts yr body is telling you to stop. NEVER use a "warming" lube (trust).

People, tho times easily on two hands.

Deborah Kerr: "Not without an adding machine!"

More like Deborah Whorr.

http://youtu.be/yydxdWaoOJg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yydxdWaoOJg

buttsecks is awesome; in both roles

so, that's that.

after pretty much no contact for 36 hours, he popped online this morning and during pleasant conversation about my job interviews and his job applications for various museum things, he casually mentioned that he probably wouldn't come to rocky horror with my friends and i this weekend because per his request i'd been giving him space and he'd been feeling better and he wanted more space for unspecified time.

so i inquired if 'more space' meant 'breaking up' and he didn't want to do it, but he mostly wanted me to do it. he said too stressed and anxious etc. for a relationship right now, and i guess taking the romantic relationship-pressure off of us means that he can be friends with me without feeling anxious and i can support him without resenting him for being a crappy boyfriend?

i'd pretty much knew at some level that this was an inevitably and last night i'd made my peace with it and i am 100% sure it's for the best but i still kind of feel like crying and being gross but instead i need to go to an appointment and then get work done.

more excitingly, i got (at least) one second-round job interview. So, huzzah!

Goddamn, Alex. I'm sorry. Come to happy hour – I'll buy you a drink.

:-/

so sorry, alex. wishing you well. keep your head up, crush that interview, & remember that the gaylxors love you.

Very sorry to hear, Alex. Now go kill that interview (what is the job, if its ok to talk abt here?).

:(

sorry to hear this alex, comforting vibes your way

Job interview isn't until November 5th. Basically law is insane and at the beginning of your second last year of school you apply to a bunch of summer jobs and go through multi-step interview processes and get a job in theory by December for the summer and then if they like you at the end of the summer they invite you back for post-graduation when (in Canada) you have to article for a year - kind of a vestigial mandatory apprenticeship year. Unlike the us you can't just write the bar and start practicing. Then at the end of the articling year they can hire you back as a first-year associate etc.

But the only people who can really afford to hire summer and often articling students are bigger and some mid-sized firms and also the government. So all the people who don't get kept on post-articling or dont want to stay then can go on to in house counsel stuff or smaller firms or non-profits or whatever. Oh and you can clerk for a judge instead of articling iirc

Anyway, so a month ago were the first round of Toronto interviews where I got one with leg4l aid and two with small boutique firms that do a mix of litigation and also some really awesome cool social justice-y type work. The downside of those is that unlike big firms who hire ~20 or so a summer, these hire three. They interviewed 20 from my school first round but take only 18 nationally for second round for 3 spots so the odds were never amazing but I'm still a bit miffed. But I got a second round with Leg4l A1D so that isn't bad and there are lots of other applications in the future.