If you could push a button and simply cease to exist, would you press it?

leave me out of this

"high ledges with no barriers" heh

i don't get high anymore and have a few barriers so i think i'm safe.

I couldn't find anything worth buying at Target yesterday. Knowing consumerism had failed me, I figured pushing this button might have been a better alternative to such a boring sunday afternoon

I had 5 rehearsals and a concert in the past 48 hours

the appeal of the button is beginning to reveal itself

also, if you're ever really frustrated by the fact there's nothing good on television, the button sounds nice

i would prefer this to be a thread where we discuss our daily itinerary and debate whether we'd rather be doing what we're doing right now or opt for the void

just had coffee, not pushing the button right now.

I haven't experienced anything in life to make me not want to push the button.

Not pushing the button would be a pretty selfish thing to do. Think of how many resources each of us takes up during the course of our lives.

can I have yr resources after you push the button?

Only if you share.

The button actually just sends you a copy of The Secret.

does it happen as soon as you press the button, or when you release it?

coffee effect disappears, pushes button

i'm more eager to see these poll results than any other ilx poll in a while, i must say

jim furyk, in post ryder cup meltdown despair, decides to hit button, spends eternity missing it from six inches

I get the same feeling about balconies/ledges. Not afraid of heights, but don't trust myself not to just throw myself off of them.

Oh wow! I forgot how I used to constantly think like this as a kid! Not just about suicidey stuff, but about all kinds of outrageous things like if I saw a baby at a store, I'd worry that I'd mutilate it. I didn't have the urge to mutilate the baby, but I was worried that it might happen.

As a teen I also used to worry that I was on hard drugs without knowing it. I would get sweaty and shaky trying to remember every minute of the last week to make sure I hadn't started taking drugs. But of course I didn't remember sleeping, so I was terrified I had nocturnal alcoholism and a smack habit. I'd never done drugs, so I didn't understand that I'd know if I was addicted.

Fucking Nancy Regan and after school specials gave me a ridiculously inaccurate concept of what drugs do.

As a teen I also used to worry that I was on hard drugs without knowing it. I would get sweaty and shaky trying to remember every minute of the last week to make sure I hadn't started taking drugs.

Love you, Je55e, but this is fucking mental. :D

Like, don't get me wrong, I completely understand that sort of second-guessing one's personal mental state.

I have wanted a stream of consciousness thread for such a long time. is this it.

Really?

Not even by reading what it's 'like' and imagining the 'feeling' ?

xposts obv

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imp_of_the_Perverse

i have had a fear very much like that -- more in terms of valuable things. babies, sure, but also priceless objects, people's stuff. i still have breath-catching moments when i'm in museums, which is pretty funny because i love them.

really i think this is a fear of responsibility. or maybe the mind rehearsing worst-case scenarios. what's the shittiest thing that could happen right now? what would i have to do to make that happen -- ok don't do that!

xp yes that "imp" thing -- i was just looking for a an article in the times (?) that got into the psychology of that, i know we talked about it here somewhere

I've had dreams where I've taken hard drugs / psychedelics which is pretty confusing because it allows my mind to account for all sorts of crazy shit

i have had a fear very much like that -- more in terms of valuable things. babies, sure, but also priceless objects, people's stuff. i still have breath-catching moments when i'm in museums, which is pretty funny because i love them.

really i think this is a fear of responsibility. or maybe the mind rehearsing worst-case scenarios. what's the shittiest thing that could happen right now? what would i have to do to make that happen -- ok don't do that!

― there is no dana, only (goole), Monday, 15 October 2012 16:52 (49 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I always wonder if this relates to tourettes, where most people have a thing where their brain says "yes, doing this would be socially dangerous/unacceptable so don't do it" but people who are affected by it sometimes can't help acting on these instincts? I dunno much about the syndrome beyond a couple of tv docs though...

if I saw a baby at a store, I'd worry that I'd mutilate it. I didn't have the urge to mutilate the baby, but I was worried that it might happen

when I was a crazy depresso sleep-deprived student I was in a doctor's waiting room with a narrow aisle between two rows of chairs, and someone came in with a very tiny baby in a not-so-tiny baby carrier which they put on the floor in the aisle, and I started to think "what if I'm called for my appointment and stumble and tread on that tiny baby's soft, fragile skull" which turned into "what if I'm called for my appointment and on my way past I suddenly tread on etc etc why because I suddenly, uncontrollably FEEL LIKE IT even though I am horrified by the very thought"

then I spent the rest of the waiting time in a loop of "what if I am making it worse by thinking about it" "oh god I can't stop thinking about it"

NB I did not tread on the baby and I should probably not have posted this from work, ahem

obsessive thoughts

i think what we know about tourette's is that it's not a personality-level disorder at all, it's 'deeper' in the brain

my understanding of tourettes (i have a sibling w/ it) is that the tics are more obsessive repetitive behaviors than lack of filter. my sibling can suppress tics, but it's extremely wearying.

feeling your neuroticisms

I used to (and very rarely, now, thanks to lifestyle changes) get into really nasty anxiety loops. I would wake up first thing in the morning, and immediately fixate on something that had gone wrong, or a social interaction I felt awkward about, a car accident I'd been in years ago, or a class where I hadn't done some work in a timely fashion (long after I graduated) and get stuck on that for the whole day. It would be nearly paralyzing. In lack of actual things to be anxious about, or perhaps in spite of them, I'd just get into this anxiety/regret/guilt thing.

Apparently that's not how everyone operates, and it's not how I have to, either. Kind of wish it didn't take me over 25 years to figure that out.

this is not the same thing at all, but the obsessive thinking thing reminded me of it, but I was on a crowded train once and a man was standing in the aisle holding a gym back that was mostly empty except for something long and heavy. I became SO fixated on what was in that bag and general demeanor of the man that I became convinced he was a spree shooter and had a sawn off shotgun in his bag, to the point where I started checking my wallet to make sure my id had my parents address on it it still in case I died and they needed to be notified, and actually hand wrote 'emergency contact' details on the front page of the address book in my bag. I went into a weird panic attack and got off the train like, 5 blocks before my stop and walked the rest of the way home.

gym back = gym bag

(xps to "obsessive thoughts") Yeah I guess! I often get that fleeting imp of "hhhwhat if I suddenly push over that Ming vase which I am not even going to walk within 3 feet of" "er, no, hell no, I'm not even going to walk within 3 feet of it" but I think that's the only time I've got stuck in an imp-loop.

I do often ruin a few seconds up to a whole evening/weekend for myself by dwelling on something mildly dumb I did that day or even many years before which I am spontaneously reminded of by some weird chain of thoughts, though. ho hum

is this thread the very textbook definition of a 'cry for help'? should we put WCC on suicide watch?

this isn't about suicide, she said so

Couple of hours ago I'd have pressed it, but only if Emma and Bob and Cosmo came too.

Emile Cioran: "It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late."

Nietzsche (this is an all time favorite): "According to the old story, King Midas had long hunted wise Silenus, Dionysus' companion, without catching him. When Silenus had finally fallen into his clutches, the king asked him what was the best and most desirable thing of all for mankind. The daemon stood still, stiff and motionless, until at last, forced by the king, he gave a shrill laugh and spoke these words: 'Miserable, ephemeral race, children of hazard and hardship, why do you force me to say what it would be much more fruitful for you not to hear? The best of all things is something entirely outside your grasp: not to be born, not to be, to be nothing. But the second-best thing for you — is to die soon."

wake up. get out of bed. go to trunk on the floor in the very back of the closet. lift lid of trunk and remove a small, featureless flat black cube. although not obviously visible, the cube's lid lifts up - revealing an interior as featureless as the outside, except for a button in the center of the cube's interior. regard the cube and the button with vague dissatisfaction for a couple of minutes before hissing out "not today!" and then closing the lid on the cube, putting the cube back in the trunk, turning out all the lights and head out to the kitchen to make coffee.

xpost Thomas Ligotti to thread

I know the OG specifically states that there are no repercussions, but if you dig into the alchemical texts and old mysticism there's a distinct psychic/cosmic cost to unmaking something that's far riskier and dangerous than just killing it. It's sorta like the difference between snipping off the frayed end of a thread and removing the thread from the carpet of space-time as if it was never there.

First Law of Thermodynamics vs. Yog-Sothoth FITE!

Aside, the "do over" questions upthread reminded me of this book: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Replay_(novel)

(worth reading BTW)

We had a thread about mental imps!
Quieting the Imps in Your Brainz

On the obsessive thinking tip, there was an article a while ago by someone dealing w obsessive suicidal/self-harming impulses? And I think his therapist's line on that was, "Your fear of doing those things that yr brain suggests is based precisely in how HORRIFYING you find them--if the ideas weren't so repugnant to you, they wouldn't have any power." So basically whatever you fear doing, the fear is only possible b/c it's something you would never do. This is sometimes comforting.

i'm sure there's a manics song that covers this

This poll has a huge fuckin' run-time!