God bless the goddamn Onion

Argh - the 'you have reached your limit' message now comes up in incognito mode in Chrome.

fwiw there's no article limit ON IPHONE

a well-timed click of the stop loading button can get you the article but not the subscription overlay.

If you're reading it that much, pay them.

doesn't seem that much - 5 clicks through Infographic and the like...

this just made me lose my fucking mind.
http://www.theonion.com/video/nauseatingly-precious-nyc-couples-to-walk-around-i,29751/

hahaha that was awesome!

Onion TV has a new Ted Talk spoof. Didn't think the first one was that funny. Meanwhile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Cwxl_-DHqKo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Cwxl_-DHqKo

I'm also fond of the lake dredge appraisal program

and this is also good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQns6vGfj4&feature=relmfu

http://www.theonion.com/articles/okay-lets-cut-to-the-chasewhich-people-do-i-know-w,29937/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/trump-announces-hes-a-very-sad-man !

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-endorses-john-edwards-for-president,29989/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-mary-was-essentially-raped-mourdock-says-wh,30083/

'Mother Mary Was Essentially Raped,' Mourdock Says While Digging Self Into Deeper Hole
OCTOBER 24, 2012 | ISSUE 48•43 | MORE NEWS IN BRIEF

...At press time, multiple male Senate candidates in their 60s remained divided between those who believe pregnancies resulting from rape are biologically impossible and those who believe they are the divine will of God.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/blown-opportunity,30439/

FRIEND-
LESS
NAGS

5-Hour Energy CEO: Deaths Just Collateral Damage In War On That 2:30 Feeling

Apparently this one - 8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet - has the morons over at Beetbort.com crying anti-Semitism.

That’s the ticket, Onion. Buy into the “plight” of the Palestinians and ignore the fact that Hamas started the violence, that Hamas has fired on Israeli cities, that there are strong rumors that Hamas now has chemical weapons it can launch. Ignore the fact that Hamas deliberately places its rocket sites in civilian areas in an attempt to force Israel to kill civilians for left wing media consumption. Ignore that Hamas deliberately targets civilians while Israel takes great care not to.

Here’s one for you, Onion:

As their print version dried up with the last issue on November 1, 2012, the Onion, the celebrated satirical publication, decided to sell out to anti-Semitic propagandizing. “We noticed that Jews are becoming an easy target for vilification,” explained the editor, “and we just couldn’t resist the impulse to jump on the bandwagon. I mean, look at history; some of the most successful publications in history, like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, vilified the Jews too.”

Make sure to read the comments, they're a gem!

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/world/asia/chinese-news-site-cites-onion-piece-on-kim-jong-un.html

When Mr. Tracy was asked Tuesday whether he had any concerns that the misinterpretation of these articles could provoke international incidents, he said, “The Onion fully intends to provoke international incidents.”

Mr. Tracy added that The Onion had issued a formal statement. “We are pleased that one of our many fine Communist subsidiaries, the People’s Daily in China, has received accolades for its coverage of our Sexiest Man Alive announcement,” the statement said. “The People’s Daily has served as one of The Onion’s Far East bureaus for quite some time, and I believe their reportage as of late has been uncommonly fine, as well as politically astute.”

People’s Daily could not be reached for comment on Tuesday night.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/slideshow-the-9-most-scandalous-rihanna-photos,30516/
i admit it; i clicked thru all

i clicked through half and then they wanted me to register

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/?ref=auto

omg

Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

Right To Own Handheld Device That Shoots Deadly Metal Pellets At High Speed Worth All Of This

Feels like they had that written and ready to go huh

Rihanna thing was nonsensical to the point of inanity yet hilariously on the nose

click click click click

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-it-okay-to-spend-rest-of-day-curled-in-feta,30741/

Report: It Okay To Spend Rest Of Day Curled In Fetal Position Under Desk

December 14, 2012 | ISSUE 48•50 | More News in Brief

WASHINGTON—Following reports of a mass shooting at a Connecticut elementary school that left 20 children dead, sources just confirmed that it is totally fine to spend the entire rest of today curled up in the fetal position underneath your desk. Early reports also indicated that sitting on the floor while holding your knees to your chest and slowly rocking back and forth is not only acceptable, but, sources said, absolutely understandable. According to officials, it is furthermore fully okay should you want to simply stare at nothing in particular for several minutes in total silence, get under the covers of your bed and bury your face in a pillow, or weep uncontrollably with your head in your hands. At press time, sources reported that you should also feel free to call your loved ones at some point in the day, if you think that will help.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/north-korea-returns-to-normalcy-with-synchronized,27147/

Have they had another redesign?

n korea?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-6-best-dresses-at-the-golden-globes,30897/#slide-1

ouch

wow

I think of that as something they do on a regular basis?

i heard about this one just recently:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/lance-armstrong-wants-to-tell-nation-something-but,17973/

check the date, damn

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sponsored-the-taliban-is-a-vibrant-and-thriving-po,30910/

Ha! That was quick.

that was fast! xp

lmao

beautiful

http://www.theonion.com/articles/8yearold-accidentally-exercises-second-amendment-r,725/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/we-raise-all-our-beef-humanely-on-open-pasture-and,30983/

I was eating when I read this :(

it was chicken and bacon though so that's alright

http://store.theonion.com/p-5045-cheat-to-win-bracelet.aspx

http://www.theonion.com/articles/teenage-girl-blossoming-into-beautiful-object,31061/?ref=auto#pq=0AYP2b

http://www.theonion.com/articles/top-9-black-plague-fails,31103/

THESE GUYS HAVE BOILS ALL OVER THEIR BODY! SMH

I could barely get through the hilariously, defiantly stupid article on dog politics, it was so funny.

^^^^^^^had me rollin