Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

xpost <3

I always customized all my toolbars and HATE anything where I can't.

Ie now.

mr veg got me thinking about 'how many mouseclicks' a while ago, and since then I've been shortcut girl

Hah!
When I was in HS my mouse broke and we couldn't afford any for a couple months so I became an expert at both mouse keys and any alt/ctrl shortcut going.

I call it "lexcel" <--why I have no friends

this made me imagine lex pretend trying to use excel, which would be hilarious

The ribbon is the bane of my existence. I went from an MS Word power user to a total chump.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, October 9, 2012 8:37 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm. fukken ribbon

xxp Watching my dyspraxic coworker do everything with the mouse (including selecting 60,000 rows of data by clicking on cell A1 and dragging the mouse to cell F60000 over the course of several minutes and several restart-inducing misclicks, and including copying and pasting 3-letter commands or variable names from the previous line instead of retyping them) would have made me shortcut girl, except I was already, so it just made me twitch and mutter

that would have made me homicide girl

When I was in HS my mouse broke and we couldn't afford any

When I was in junior high the little bit of plastic that held the mouse-ball in pre-optical mice broke and I got really good at working the mouse by putting my thumbs inside the mouse cavity and rolling the little metal cylinders. I even used Paint like this!

omg

xp That's expert level! I definitely manipulated it for a laugh when cleaning but never did much of substance.

The ribbon is the bane of my existence. I went from an MS Word power user to a total chump.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, October 9, 2012 8:37 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm. fukken ribbon

― skrill xx (cozen), Tuesday, October 9, 2012 10:41 PM (3 minutes ago)

Dammit yes, that bastard ribbon.

I think I mainly just painted straight lines during this period (art critic voice), but, y'know.

wow, lotsa ribbon haters

what if we manufacture keyboards that have the words "copy" on the C key, "paste" on the V, "cut" on the X, "undo" on the Z, "underline" on the U, "bold" on the B, "reload" on the R, etc?

That would look a lot like a ZX Spectrum keyboard (although it has BASIC commands on the keys, not shortcuts)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/33/ZXSpectrum48k.jpg/640px-ZXSpectrum48k.jpg

this made me imagine lex pretend trying to use excel, which would be hilarious

lol. I'd like to put lex p. and my boss together in an office that can only be unlocked by successfully creating a table in Word with a header that repeats across pages.

Like an office version of The Crystal Maze?

Richard O'Brian: "Welcome to the Office Zone. Team captain, select a type of game."

Like an Office version of Cube more like.

I was going to embed a youtube of the Adam and Joe spoof of the Crystal Maze with Star Wars figurines, but Channel 4 have kindly blocked it in the UK, which I have to admit is probably the only country where it makes any damn sense at all

"only one crystal have you got - complete crap have you been! shafted are you!"

(dear unsuspecting link-followers: please drink a lot before clicking that link, and then it may become approximately 0.02% as hilarious as it was to me aged 17. but probably not. it isn't actually very good.)

I remember seeing that on TV and laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

jon via chicago! A federal just in Denver just awarded a guy $7.3mil in damages in the first successful consumer popcorn lung lawsuit. Keep that in your back pocket in case your popcorn crazed coworker continues to fill your office with diacetyl fumes.

Look for microwave popcorn makers to advertise products as "Now all natural! No diacetyl!"

Today she can't figure out how to use Sort Kwik fingertip moisturizer.

I walked in and she was touching it, then kind of poking her fingertips together. When she saw me, she said (jokingly) "Help, I broke it!" I showed her how to rub her fingers together, and she tried it, but she did it wrong* several times, so instead of giving fingers more traction, it made them slicker. She went back to licking her fingers.

*she wasn't rubbing them together vigorously enough, or with enough surface contact.

I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together

She's going to die of Sort-Kwik poisoning!

Get her a rubber finger. She'll probably blind herself with it and then you'll have to teach her how to use dictation software.

someone has made it too hot in herre

take off all your clothes

irl lols

carl, she uses rubber finger tips. apparently without incident, even.

jon via chicago! A federal just in Denver just awarded a guy $7.3mil in damages in the first successful consumer popcorn lung lawsuit. Keep that in your back pocket in case your popcorn crazed coworker continues to fill your office with diacetyl fumes.

Maybe I can launch this into a lucrative second-hand suit for unwanted exposure to diacetyl fumes.

Dear co-worker: If you have time to both call me (while I happen to be away from my desk) AND to send me an email that says nothing more than "Ring me when you have sec ;)" you have time to tell me what the fuck you want, you passive-aggressive jerk.

Just got cc'd on an email which contained the phrase "would be great to hear your thoughts." So I replied with my thoughts, and received the following reply from my immediate supervisor: "Thanks for your input, but hold off on commenting; it’s not really a majority vote." Um, I was pretty sure opinions were being solicited.

u_u

-what do you think?
-well i um
-NO ONE ASKED YOU

Happens at my co kind of often because they're only asking for opins from the IMPORTANT people on the email.

Yeesh.

Also hate that "call me when you get a chance" bullshit. Tell me what you want! That's what leave a message means!!!

I am def included as a lower-level peon who will be tasked w carrying out the wishes of the more august contributors--but not to actually speak.

carl otm

Some people are really terrible at leaving messages, tbf. I would rather be able to to interrupt them. (pvmic)

email person x, who says please call me at this number at this time to talk
call at that number, that time - and I ask if I have called at a bad time.
no this is not a bad time, etc.
person x asks a question, I start to give a detailed answer since this is a good time to talk
person x interrupts my answer and asks if I can email him the information

THEN WHY DIDN'T WE JUST DO ALL OF THIS VIA EMAIL
RAAAAGGGGGH KILL U

Get email from co-worker to ring person in the outside world I've never heard of who left me a message I don't understand about something that I don't recognise.

So I ring him, am on hold for 30 mins while they find him, and then he doesn't know what he called me for, and he starts asking me questions that make no sense in an effort to prompt his own memory. He's obviously afraid that this might be important, so he ignores my attempts to get off the phone and keeps chasing down non-leads from his failing memory. In the end I just had to hang up on him.

He's probably kind of bummed out and worried himself; you should call him back and team up to complain to your co-worker.

coworker 2 cubicles down from me -- I do actually like him 95% of the time, he's a very sweet and fun guy. But he is very tightly wound and the slightest problem will make him yell loudly at his desk, or storm over to our cubicles and start ranting.
Even worse when he's watching sports. So the Giants being in this current MLB playoff thing is not good for him. He's listening to the playoff at his desk and every 30 seconds he's like NO or GODDAMMMMMMIT or WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT or YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME

I want to kill him rn

I love sports, I completely understand being engaged in yr team and rooting for them but the way he roots makes me fear that he is going to put his fist through something inanimate and it's kind of awkward to be around

(no real concern over him doing this at his desk, that's not realy the rant - it's dead around here today, even the managers are stopping by his desk to check the scores, lol)

i got the same guy working next to me except he hates sports. one of the best workers i've ever worked with but every time the phone rings or he get's an email it's panic in chaos city.

::phone rings:: Oh JEEZ ::exasperated sigh::

One of the partners could not log in to the scanner so my co-worker was entrusted to fix it. He went back and forth with the main office over THREE DAYS trying to get some resolution. As it turns out the partner was using the wrong login. It was entirely his fault. Co-worker almost died from stress.

Partner: I expect you to "actively" pursue this problem.
Co-worker:

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR6gVS1okhCz43Zzkz0U-8E6PFvBvqT_gRfPbmHav0KXfSfJr6h

And people like that never apologise for being wrong either (cf my boss upthread)

I sit by the Town Crier Who's Always 24 Hours Behind. Today, I got to hear her go "Oh, no!" *heavy sigh* "Everyone, Alex Karras died."