"That's never happened to me before... but rest assured I have the best possible team working super hard on it right now"
― Superphysical Resurrection (NickB), Tuesday, 9 October 2012 15:43 (thirteen years ago)
"According to that chart the 'poles' are 'down,' if you know what I mean."
― Tom Hardy & the Batbreakers (Phil D.), Tuesday, 9 October 2012 15:57 (thirteen years ago)
the "never happened" is pretty good.
― s.clover, Tuesday, 9 October 2012 17:41 (thirteen years ago)
"eHarmony is getting a bit creepy these days."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 9 October 2012 18:07 (thirteen years ago)
"It's the economy, stupid."
― EVERYONE COOKING SCMABLED EGGS,CHEESE WITH TOASTER!! (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 9 October 2012 18:10 (thirteen years ago)
"it's a fuck-us group."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, October 9, 2012 10:55 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
"Why is your divorce taking so long?"
― obamana (abanana), Tuesday, October 9, 2012 10:57 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
lol
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 9 October 2012 21:52 (thirteen years ago)
the shortlist:
Can't you just ignore the polls on this one and go with your instinct?""Let's face it. One side of the bed consistently outperforms the other.""Sometimes I wish you would keep your performance targets to yourself."
― Mark G, Monday, 29 October 2012 15:29 (thirteen years ago)
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/10/29/p465/121029_contest_p465.jpg"This is normal..."
― Mark G, Monday, 29 October 2012 15:30 (thirteen years ago)
"Grill marks, you say?"
― seandalai lama (Leee), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 01:53 (thirteen years ago)
"Five to ten, but the judge was a client so I'm optimistic."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 01:57 (thirteen years ago)
with most of them it's straight in and 'gobble gobble gobble'
― but with socks instead of football (darraghmac), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 02:04 (thirteen years ago)
"What's YOUR excuse?"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 02:07 (thirteen years ago)
something about tina brown/newsweek and avoiding the ax, but i don't have it in a one-liner
― abanana, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 15:43 (thirteen years ago)
"Well I'm not covering up for you this time, your poor father still doesn't know that you voted for Christmas"
― but with socks instead of football (darraghmac), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 15:49 (thirteen years ago)
ex+ winner..
― Mark G, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 15:53 (thirteen years ago)
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/11/12/p465/121112_contest_p465.jpg
"I'm not looking, but I think next-door are still dong their atomic bomb testing..."
― Mark G, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 10:59 (thirteen years ago)
If you make the noose, I'll do the hoistin', honey
― Øystein, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 11:05 (thirteen years ago)
dog is quite clearly mid-defecation, feel like this needs to be acknowledged
― ut's nutta bull, ut's a *romanda* (darraghmac), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 11:08 (thirteen years ago)
OK,
"Your shit or mine?"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 11:11 (thirteen years ago)
Should be in limerick form, if you ask me.
― Leeezzarina Sbarro (Leee), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 06:14 (thirteen years ago)
ok ... just ... so this is probably rude but i'm just going to ask ... what is going on with your breasts?
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 22:46 (thirteen years ago)
so how do you like working at the jim rose circus?
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 22:47 (thirteen years ago)
i think we need to talk about our dog's worms problem
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 22:48 (thirteen years ago)
one....two.....
― but the boo boyz are getting to (Z S), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 22:48 (thirteen years ago)
i'm shitting too!
― but the boo boyz are getting to (Z S), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 22:49 (thirteen years ago)
i also enjoy standing in the middle of the sidewalk with no discernible purpose!
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 22:51 (thirteen years ago)
had considered something similar tbrr
― ut's nutta bull, ut's a *romanda* (darraghmac), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 22:58 (thirteen years ago)
"Dogpooling was actually Spot's idea. On sustainability issues he's straining at the leash."
― Grampsy, Wednesday, 7 November 2012 23:16 (thirteen years ago)
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/11/19/p465/121119_contest_p465.jpg
― Mark G, Monday, 12 November 2012 10:21 (thirteen years ago)
"This is my caption to the cartoon above."
― Grampsy, Monday, 12 November 2012 11:18 (thirteen years ago)
"well, take a look! that's what a REAL numbers man looks like"
― threat of the author (darraghmac), Monday, 12 November 2012 12:56 (thirteen years ago)
"1: thing lead 2: another..."
― Mark G, Monday, 12 November 2012 13:01 (thirteen years ago)
woman (to man on left) "Well I can't count on you any more"
― Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Monday, 12 November 2012 13:06 (thirteen years ago)
Is there any other answer other than some variant of, "Connect the dots?"
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:07 (thirteen years ago)
"i started by connecting the penis dots and only connected the head dots after intercourse. it was terrifying!"
― Z S, Monday, 12 November 2012 16:09 (thirteen years ago)
"maybe you'd like to join him instead?"
― Albert Crampus (NickB), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:11 (thirteen years ago)
"Didn't you think I'd connect the dots?" HARHAR
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:12 (thirteen years ago)
Ooh, I like NickB's answer
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:13 (thirteen years ago)
"this is pretty much what it looks like"
― goole, Monday, 12 November 2012 16:14 (thirteen years ago)
"Don't think that I'm enjoying this! I've just seen his cock, it goes all the way up to 350 down there"
― Albert Crampus (NickB), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:17 (thirteen years ago)
"someone mixed him up with the horse connect-the-dots below the waist"
― Z S, Monday, 12 November 2012 16:22 (thirteen years ago)
"it was terrifying"
haha Goole
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:25 (thirteen years ago)
"it means nothing. i was only doing it by the numbers"
― threat of the author (darraghmac), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:35 (thirteen years ago)
"who is he? if you'd just give us a minute, i'll give you a quick outline"
― Albert Crampus (NickB), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:46 (thirteen years ago)
"Well why don't you tell ME what I'm doing in bed with a man swarmed by tiny fleas that look vaguely like numbered dots"
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:46 (thirteen years ago)
ok ok
"He feels like I can complete him"
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:47 (thirteen years ago)
"..."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 12 November 2012 16:49 (thirteen years ago)
"I did not have sexual relations with this concept."
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 12 November 2012 16:52 (thirteen years ago)
"Ah, Professor Moriarty, my old nemesis!"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 12 November 2012 16:55 (thirteen years ago)