thread of inappropriate professional attachments

the use of phrases like "chicks" and "stuck fucking french exchange students" are fairly egregiously misogynistic.

thread of inappropriate professional attachments

sometimes when a date is going well and comes back to my apartment for a nightcap, I like to stand in front of the record player and ask if they like the novels of ayn rand specifically so I can drag the needle across the record if they say yes, then whip around and stare gaping-mouthed at them until they sheepishly back out the front door.

i automatically repel tories by being both scottish and the son of a refugee so this never comes up for me.

What are these "dates" you speak of?

Anyway, the whole "not being a Tory" thing is something I establish while still in the crush stage. (not that it ever gets any further.) This isn't a dating thread anyway, it's a "people you can never date because work complications" thread so I dunno where this derail came from. I think being ~hot for teacher~ probably has its own thread of complications somewhere.

well, part of inappropriate professional attachment is that you can get to know someone in a very narrow work context and crush out without really knowing anything about them. then in the midst of your sexual reverie you run full steam onto jagged rocks like well-thumbed paperback copy of the fountainhead on their desk with tickets to a phish concert used as a bookmark.

Well, not exactly. It was more whether they think of workfare as a horrifying exploitation of the most vulnerable segments of society at the expense of decently paid roles, or whether you think it is "maximising efficiency." (while coming from a class that enabled you to take a 3 month unpaid internship in China at no personal expense.)

Going for drinks with my IPA and a few other work colleagues tomorrow night. There is NO WAY that this might be awkward, oh no not at all...

At my old job, which was also in publishing, one person had a friendship with, like, a minor public figure (tv news twat). Then when not everyone wanted to socialize with the editor and their friend, everyone's job was threatened. I mean I really think that people in publishing shouldn't socialize with people they might criticize in print.

So then one of the fellow staff was obviously hooking up with this public figure, which pissed us all off because the guy was kind of a bimbo and we don't need that shit in our workplace.

When I left that job, one of my beefs was, "I'm not here to hobnob with celebrities, I take my job very seriously."

absolutely stunning girl beside me spent all day elaborating on the catwoman outfit she's wearing for halloween, now pls lady i gotta concentrate on this thing i'm doin

I have been told that OfficeBoy was ~pining~ for me in my absence, and he looked at me entreatingly and said "aw, but no one has been giving me hassle all week, can you send me a nasty email or something?" So I told him he was rubbish and he had done something stupid with his hair, and he grinned and went "Yay!" Haha, he is v v funny and sweet.

Every time this thread revives, a part of me thinks "it's happened, hasn't it?"

Sorry, but..

So I've either done a really brave thing or a really stupid thing.

I had a really big blow-up this morning at work. (Over something totally unrelated, and with someone completely different - which was actually fine because everyone has had occasional issues with this person, and he and they all recognise that it can be difficult.) But I had a long talk with my boss about stuff I'm finding difficult to cope with at work. And I brought up the fact that I was finding it hard to cope with the banter sometimes, not to take it personally, and he said, yeah, it's always been a really banter-heavy office, especially X and Y, and he couldn't deal with being in the office 5 days a week, which is why he works from home, but he said he will talk to X.

But anyway, that wasn't the stupid thing. This all means that we're going to have a meeting with HR and sort some of the stressy stuff out.

The stupid thing was this:

After talking about banter, I emailed OfficeBoy and said, look, the banter between you and me is getting out of hand. Saying, it's been fun and flirty, but it's starting to rattle me, and I'm worried that we're developing a really weird dynamic which I'm not sure I am comfortable with and I'm worried I'm harassing him. And he emailed back and said, no, it's fine, banter is fun and healthy, he isn't bothered by it at all, he likes me.

To which, I could only write back and say, well, no, that's not it. *I* am taking it too seriously. And said, p much flat out, I am worried that my feelings are becoming inappropriate, and if we carry on flirting, I will start taking it in earnest. (A bit too late for that, obviously, but he doesn't need to know that.) And could we please stop.

Which is killing me, and half of me thinks that was the grown-up thing to do, because this became really quite unhealthy some time ago, and it is interfering with my ability to do my job and probably reached the point where the obsession is not good for my mental health. And the other half of me thinks that this is the stupidest thing I've ever done because I've now destroyed something which was sometimes quite fun and positive and enjoyable and potentially made work even more awkward than it was before. But I don't think he'll be horrible about it. I hope. I just hope I can not be horrible about it.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED AND STUPID. WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL, EVER. Don't answer that.

And could we please stop.

Very workplace appropriate and brave, too.

Well, wow!

This will go one of two ways. Either things will get slightly less flirty and more friendly/civil, or well, um..

Let's call it a shot to nothing. I think you definitely took a while to pick the 'better moment' which means he will either say "OK, fair enough, will calm things down" or

oh, xx it.

Anyway, things will definitely not get nasty.

Over and out, I gues.

It took a couple of rounds but we got to the "I understand, let's be more professional" option in the end.

Which is kinda :-( but mostly :-/ because I had to spell out "I think I am taking this somewhat more seriously than you may be" which is just embarrassing but I didn't really want to give him any room to say "oh xx it."

you were both courageous and professional imo

I'm not feeling it right now.

We had to work together quite a lot today and I couldn't even look him in the eye. I just felt really awkward though he was trying his best to be professional and friendly and it was all actually OK.

I also really miss the mood-enhancing kick of having a crush. Life feels pretty chilly and unfun without one now.

the defining trait of a crush is that it's short-lived

well, one of them anyway

share with me crush songs to get this stupid NIN song out of my head

YEAHHHH. hugglez bomb WHITE CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE love that nick btw. so brave to send that email. if i was him, id respect u 4 being so professional and it's NOT CRAZY AT ALL. u should have a co-meeting with HR to discuss it still i think.

f hazel i prescribe 10 ccs of ALICIA KEYS stat!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srMBZiqNMaM

This is p much the best crush song in the world:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlaEpd-DZZU

The Fun and Games - The Grooviest Girl In the World

(At least, the high, happy wheeeeeeeee! part of the crush.)

(I have never been a NIN fan in any way, but watching that Closer video always makes me happy and excited in a terrible sort of way.)

((I disagree, though, that crushes are inherently short-lived. Some of mine have ached for years.))

This experience has really driven home something kind of awful about sexuality which I kind of knew as folk-wisdom but had never really grokked as a personal experience.

That finding someone physically attractive and liking/respecting them is nowhere near as powerful an aphrodisiac as finding someone physically attractive and being annoyed/irritated/wound up by them. That the combination of the two things is actually deadly, in that attraction and annoyance both feed one another in this synergistic way that spirals out of proportion. And also that the whole thing picks up an element of competitiveness, whereby wanting to sleep with that person takes on an element of competitiveness, and becomes like scoring a goal in a game, that the object is "getting one over on one's opponent" by tricking or pushing them into sleeping with you. Which is an awful, awful way to think about sexuality when it comes down to it. And I hate myself for feeing that way about sex, and yet I still sometimes do.

Eh I've had that kind of sex, though, and it's not very good? Because there's no intimacy, the impulse on both sides is basically selfish, to "win." I understand the compulsion, believe me, but the finale doesn't really appeal anymore.

For me, it's really the only kind of sex that *is* any good, because intimacy is a distracting thing that kind of gets in the way of a good shag.

Not that I'd remember or anything :-(

that fun and games song <3

I have a crush on Alicia Keys who has superpowers of product endorsement and dog reviving

we would be a great team because I like to buy things and pet cats

wcc breaking down the "she's annoying" truth bomb to an extent

Yeeeeah I was going to say!

pretty distracting cleavage situation today :-/

need to go through the many updates in this thread since last I looked, but just a quick update:

Holiday worked! coupled with no longer working with her so much. The painful relinquishment of cathexis, the gradual acceptance of the dulness of quotidian office life, were slowly taking their sad but necessary progress, greeting out my soul (<--strong factor of IPA is clearly boredom - this has probably been already mentioned.)

But I've just had a train journey after work with my IPA, ("6Are you getting the train? Cool! Let's get it together!") who was just -*melts* - and I was a stammering incompetent fool (I've got this thing - I can't speak properly around her and her only, it's like some kind of verbal apraxia).

And now I'm spinning it all out into insane reinforcement of those relinquished psychological habits of attachment.

Actually I'm not. I'm doing the sensible thing and sitting in a pub posting to ilx. DO NOT THINK OF THE IPA. She's a cool person, yes. You are an adult male who can both handle that and understand the requirement, important for everyone not just you but her as well, not to build internal worlds around people and then project them from the inside to the out. Unfair. Unhealthy.

Another beer I think.

Another beer I think.

Perhaps you'd fancy an IPA (India Pale Ale)?

ha! I did think of that when I wrote it.

but they don't do IPA in this pub, so I ordered Pride Indtead.

Call me Fizzles Bunyan.

Christ, don't. it sounds like a medical condition.

*instead.

where's f'ing iPhone autocorrect when you need it.

I have always preferred to call you Rubber Lips.

Wait. No. I was thinking of another Fizzles. You I call Mr. Fizzles.

Unfair. Unhealthy, and yet almost impossible not to perpetuate, once those habits have been established.

the dream is better

Last night has reminded me that my IPA is neither ginger nor Cornish nor has a ponytail so really this entire thing is absurd and I should stop being stupid about it. I have always had a very clear type, he isn't it. I should pull myself together and direct my lusts elsewhere.

(These things are easy to remember when in a decent mood and of a clear mind, and almost impossible to stick to when my brain is misfiring as it has been lately.)

wcc, you have such a clear type. the other day i saw a guy on the bus that was so your type i would have snapped a pic if was a creepy person. you would have flipped

Yeah, I saw one of those too...

he had a thom yorke-like face but a bigger nose and very red hair. he was dressed in a suit that was slightly too small inc. highwaters and was carrying some huge old book.

Mixture of "Thom Yorke" and "very red hair" sounds almost irresistible.

Oh, gingers, you are too delectable. Except after last night, I think I am rather more excited about Richard D James than Thom Yorke again. He has ginger arm hair. It is rather too much in the universe of ssexy.

I just wish I could stop feeling horrible and conflicted about OfficeBoy.

But then again, I have really been feeling ~this~ a lot, lately:

http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com/upload/184506915954135371_8AX0sWx1_b.jpg

None of these people work in my office, though, so this is an inappropriate thread to be discussing this on.

I'm gonna go look at pictures of St Kilda now.

some well-timed teasing got me put in a playful headlock for a few brief, blissful seconds this afternoon

that description has got an humbert humbert ring to it.

(i'm not comparing you with him, just the wording)