thread of inappropriate professional attachments

I call those weekdays.

right. i have this problem, she's a recovering mormon, gayy, politically leftwing ferocious, a blood indian from south of lethbridge along the belly river. i like her and she'd say things about how no white dudes ever liked her before, and finally it's a weirdo like me. and it all started when i began flirting with her guiltfree because she had a girlfriend and dug it and it became like a sandbox for flirting gambits for me. then she told me about cheating on her girlfriend and there was a queer crackle in our fakeflirts and one night, we both worked late on canada day and she went to the roof of the building to watch the fireworks and i snuck up to and watched her watching them and when she came back down, i said to her, i knew that was my moment, i should have come over and put my arm around you and MADE MY MOVE, and she said, why didn't you, you pussy? i drove her home that night, and i drove her home the next night and i was going to vancouver for a week and she leaned across to hug me and then i ended up kissing her for a while and it was awesome. but i came back and she'd been transferred to another office and i responded to the situation by cutting off all contact with her.

he is 24, yes, this will turn out badly, all men are bastards and they are even worse at that age

as a 24-year-old I gotta say this is OTM. we leave trails of tears and ruined lives.

I knew better than to date 24 y.o. boys even when I was 24.

Just before leaving time today big boss owner called a special meeting with EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE EXCEPT ME and so now I am feeling really paranoid and butthurt.

I had a bit of a "wah no one appreciates me" earlier today and OfficeBoy did email me saying I was great but I think he was only buttering me up to get his hands on my data. Boo hoo.

dylannn u making me tear up

Oh god I touched him today. I forgot about that. Only his shoulder, nothing ~inappropriate~ but still it makes me feel dirty thinking about it.

to get his hands on my data

amirite?

dylannn bringing the raymond carver vibes.

our office is really close to the front desk office so we pass by them all the time and know some of the managers there. just now one of them handed me a cup of frozen yogurt topped with cherry slush (i think it came from an employee appreciation day thing they're having today).

i don't eat dairy but i took it anyway and seconds later was in crush's office dropping it on her desk and saying "i brought a present for you." and omg the look on her face its like i told her i was giving her a million dollars

but then it turned in to a conversation about how i don't eat dairy, general eating habits/diet, and Chinese cuisine, culminating in her enthusiastically stating her love of eating dog meat :-(

did you then tell her you knew that was your chance to MAKE YOUR MOVE?

Never try to talk about food with your crushee. Mine declares his love of protein shakes and bacon sarnies (despite the fact I've repeatedly told him I'm vegetarian.) I did ask him if he'd eaten anything odd like dog, as he recently lived in China, but he said he didn't ask what he was eating most of the time.

opposite problem: you and your crush love all the same foods but she is spoken for, yet insists on buying you said foods which you eat crying at your desk from loneliness*

*slight exaggeration

, culminating in her enthusiastically stating her love of eating dog meat :-(

God, how horrible.

"blood indian"?

crip indian

no joke iirc there were two big gangs in east berkeley, PANJABI BOYZ and the ALL INDIAN MOB

but they were sikhs

and neither crip nor blood

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=449

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kainai_Nation

they have the best trad indian names, ex. Kaistosinikyi Kill-For-Nothing

Stu-mick-o-súcks, Buffalo Bull's Back Fat, Head Chief, Blood Tribe

she has an equally cool name but it's unique enough that i won't mention it here. and this amazing nose. she wears her hair all combed up in a big ridge, half rockabilly half grand ole opry. i added one of her friends on facebook in the hopes that i could creep some pictures of her. she didn't accept my friend request.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate_Woman

culminating in her enthusiastically stating her love of eating dog meat :-(

graduate-level negging

oic, i thought you were talking blood quantum not actual tribe name

i was ready to yell at u for it lol

Oh god full-on sex dream last night. This has gone too far. I'm going to blushing furiously and unable to speak to him today.

(of course I won't, I'll be sending him funny links from ClientsFromHell and FlowingData like always, but ARGH)

I am still really really annoyed at big boss, though. Don't know whether to make usual joking comments or say flat out that was uncool but still feeling kinda put out.

i've been thinking about her a lot recently and did stupid things like go to a bar that i know she goes to, a shitty gutterpunk sort of place in an old pawnshop where the signs for the defunct pawnshop are still bigger than the signs for the bar, and drank twins of budweiser/shot of jameson and didn't even see her because what are the chances that she's going to go there on the same tuesday evening that i decide to go there and i only ended up talking to a drunk that gave me a handful of loonies to put into the jukebox when i bought him a shot of jameson and then asked what fag chose this when gloria came on, which i played because i know it's sort of an important song to her and is her actual real name even though she goes by something completely different now but i remember her mentioning that it was a song about her when it came on her ipod one night at work, the night we ended up getting way too stoned at work for the first time and i saw her giggly for the first time. i don't know what's wrong with me, since i haven't been as timid and skulking behind the scenes with a girl for a long long time and this is like a throwback to my first year in university when a girl invited me to a movie (bill murray in japan) and i put my jacket between us and never talked to her again and just obsessed about her for a year until now i don't even remember her name. in a way, i find this sort of juvenile longing filtered through workplace social situation situation desirable after a recent history of cold hookups and emotionally tortured way too adult relationships.

Congratulations, you are a nightmare.

Josie and the Pussycats: Classic or Dud

still a lame-ass bitch 11 years later

peace

Trying to put a positive spin on it ^^^^^ he at least makes me feel a bit healthier about my terrible relationship choices. :-/

OfficeBoy was in very early today, and I ended up having a massive go at him over messing up the kitchen saying "I'm not your mother" and him going "aaaawwww, but why not" and then me giving him a feminist rant after he tried to make out that girls were just more ~OCD~ about tidying than boys which was just the RONG thing to say to *me* of all people and I sent him off with a flea in his ear about gender roles and the etymology of the word "slut."

Why god why.

I told him not to act like he was 12 in making a giant mess and not cleaning it up, but I seem incapable of not acting like *I* am 12 when I'm around him, and pulling his pigtails and punching him in the shoulder because I can't handle the fact that I ~liiiiiiiike~ him.

Dear Inappropriate Professional Attachment,

it is far too cold this morning to wearing tops like that. I speak only in concern for your health and not because I forgot what I was doing for 5 minutes. *slaps self in face, drinks more coffee*

Yours,

Hype

aw i like dylann's story.

Congratulations, you are a nightmare.

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, September 19, 2012 8:24 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

congratulations, you're being a dick on a crush thread

hey andy, sorry for calling you a bad name

http://www.desicomments.com/dcpics/dc-605.jpg

And do you know what OfficeBoy did after being sent away with a feminist flea in his ear?

He cleaned up his mess, he said "actually, thinking about it, you're probably right" and he sat his sweet ass back down. From dealing with men his age on the internetz, I was expecting a "LOL Feminazi" and pushback and all kinds of defensiveness and accusations. But he just said he hadn't thought about it that way, and conceded the argument. And then my vagina exploded with delight. Why is he so lovely? Like, not just physically lovely, but everything I thought was going to be iffy with him, has just turned out to be *fine* because he's been thoroughly decent about things.

Why can't he be 20 years older? (I won't say "why can't I be 20 years younger" because you could not pay me enough money to be 21 again.)

I have gone from just wanting to bang him, to hating his guts to thinking he is Jesus within the space of about 3 weeks. I have got it BAAAAAAAAAD.

you're making me feel like I need to be trying harder with my office crushes.

I mean, not even talking to them, but developing them in my mind.

Oh, but we talk to each other entirely too much, as well. It is starting to attract comment.

My crushes are just so scarily full-on they even frighten me sometimes. There is no way that he can possibly live up to the crush. He is a fairly ordinary but rather clever South London boy with a slightly asymmetrical face. He is not the second coming of jesus christ. (Even if he does make me laugh, because 3 days ago I had to explain to him what Helvetica Neue is, and then 2 days later he decided he had ~mad design skillz~ enough to redesign the boss's business cards. I would hate him if he wasn't so pretty.) But we have had entire relationships in my mind during idle moments. I scare myself with my imagination.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IK3L2lCxcl8

i keep thinking this thread is going to be able EXE files but it isn't.

'about' i mean, sigh

gong

probe him for weakness. see if he likes ayn rand or similar instant crush kill.

Doubt it. He's a Sarf London lad, he's into protein shakes and fixing his car at the weekend - if all that wasn't a crush killer (not to mention the terrible haircut) then nothing will be.

He could be a home counties Tory, though! The other two were discussing politics in a "LOL Boris"-Tory way but he didn't weigh in on that discussion.

Have you already forgotten the lesson of the "I love to eat dogs!" moment so recently taught to us?

Wait, what was the lesson?

Even disgusting information does not lessen crushes once they are properly established?

Just the other day I told a ravishing young beauty with whom I am smitten that I am convinced that it stems as much from the testosterone boost she surely gives me since I know strictly nothing will happen between us (mutually) but I simply cannot imagine having erotic dreams about someone and not teasing them about it, if only in a 'You've apparently carbonated my hormones' way. It's only stupid biology.

"A tough kid who sometimes swallows nails
Raised on Prisoner's Aid"

I would be *mortified* if someone found out that I'd had an erotic dream about them! It would not be a joking matter, it would be the last thing on earth I would tell someone!

(Especially since in my dream, he told me that he was actually gay, but that he would make an exception and get me off, just this once. He had better hair in the dream, though. In fact, he very specifically had Owen's old hair in this dream, which is ironic given that Owen has written songs about a character with his name and Owen has also done tragic things to his hair recently.)