itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

ladies love acquiring james

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/food-for-men/things-a-man-should-never-say-in-a-restaurant-1112?src=rss

"Garçon!"
"I'll have a glass of the pinot grigio, please."
"What's with all the tattoos?"
"Can you put the sauce on the side?"
"Is this everything you have?"
"So sinful!"
"Is Mario Batali actually here?
"Can you turn the music down?
"I'll have what she's having."
"Do you have donkey sauce?"
"It's been ages since we had brunch like this."
"Excuse me, Mr. Eastwood, could I get your autograph?"
"Yummo."
"Which farm do you get your eggs from?"
"Could your whole staff come out and sing 'Happy Birthday' to my wife?"
"The dry-aged porterhouse, well-done, please."
"This is a thoroughly pedestrian amuse bouche."
"When you say local, exactly how local do you mean?"
"Sorry, I need to take this."
"Can you go through all the specials one more time?"
"Will you marry me?"

things no one ever really says in a restaurant

except the phone call one maybe

"This is a thoroughly pedestrian amuse bouche."
looooool

chances are good i've said "yummo" before.

"I'll have what she's having."

i don't know if this is about having the same thing as your dining companion OR about quoting a nora ephron movie but apparently doing either will cause your scrotum to immediately drop off and roll out the bottom of your trouser leg

"Waiter, could you please pick that up for me?"

"I'll have a glass of the pinot grigio, please."
wait, what's wrong with this?

they missed a chance to take a timely stab at the perceived masculinity of those who eat quiche

because, uh, pinot grigio is just for ladies? fuck if i know

yeah! man, it's like one step away from being a complete girl and ordering riesling

I don't like Esquire any more than any of you but "I'll have what she's having" is p obviously about not being a hacky movie quoting dbag

I sneer at other tables doing that while drinking a really hoppy beer, before my after-dinner scotch, and tearing apart my still-bloody steak with my incisors

xp A real man wouldn't have even seen that movie

What movie would that be from? Pretty sure it's a ref to
a. not eating the same thing as a lady
b. not being so "unoriginal" as to order what someone else just did

yea do hacky movie-quoting esquire bros actually reach for a harry met sally joke, that seems p unlikely to begin with

What movie would that be from?

congrats mh you just passed the man test, please collect your man card and spittoon at the door

white zin, tho...

this list is an effortlessly simple paragon of rube/hayseed strawmanning, no gender insecurity required!

oh jesus that scene, duh

well that makes sense overall because don't be billy crystal

the real man affects the correct amount of class distinction: not too ignorant, yet not too pretentious. the middle way, the golden path.

what's wrong with sauce in the side, having trouble seeing if that's a class thing ("respect the chef's art, you plebe" sort of thing) or a gender thing ("are you minding your girlish figure?")

*on the side

Pickiness is strictly a feminine trait + weight-watching is too.

the former for sure. xp

about half are "don't be a woman" and half are "don't be /that guy/"

("respect the chef's art, you plebe" sort of thing)

voted for this one

"This is a thoroughly pedestrian amuse bouche."

With its etymological origin in 'foot', 'pedestrian' is not the adjective I'd use to modify amusing my bouche but I fail to see how my masculinity is affected one way or another.

<3

if you're not a chef type or french and you say the words "amuse bouche" out loud your man card is revoked

amused douche, more like

"It's been ages since we had brunch like this."

I guess a real man has brunch regularly?

what man says "it's been ages"

maybe the implication is that you are meeting a woman for brunch, not taking her there yourself, because you don't sleep with her. because you are a pussy.

"it's been donkey's years"

And the pinot grigio one is undoubtedly related to the fact that it's the most insipid white varietal

real men consume tannins

man, it's like one step away from being a complete girl and ordering riesling

What? Rielsing is an excellent wine. Just don't get it too sweet.

Anybody who prefers gender-normative standards to properly paired wine is an oaf.

so you're saying i shouldn't have bought that crocodile dundee box merlot

white zin, tho...

― / me, / me. /. /. (goole), Monday, October 8, 2012 12:33 PM (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

white zin has long been in the running as the name of my still-nascent chillwave project

http://www.nachtkabarett.com/ihvh/img/mansinthe_purchase.jpg

I don't like Esquire any more than any of you but "I'll have what she's having" is p obviously about not being a hacky movie quoting dbag

― it's the Suede/Denim secret police/they have come for your 90s niece (DJ Mencap), Monday, October 8, 2012 12:30 PM Bookmark

pretty sure it's "don't take cue from a lady" or maybe even "man should have ordered FIRST, trick question!!!"

tumblr white zin

"What's with all the tattoos?"

damn this was my goto line in restaurants

guess ill just go w/yummo from now on

i say it like yemmoauuuuuww