God bless the goddamn Onion

me irl

Yeah, I figure (and this is of course the point) that if I get forwarded more than 5 articles in a month where there's more going on than just the headline, then I might as well pony up.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/stephen-a-smith-thinking-son-is-finally-ready-for,29589/

Stephen A blowing his top on Twitter over this...

@stephenasmith

I thought I'd heard enough despicable lies about myself. Now there's some article out that I have a 9-yr-old son and I'm going to have a

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

I thought I'd heard enough despicable lies about myself. Now there's some article out that I have a 9-yr-old son and I'm going to have a

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

Conversation with him about Sex. Mind you, I neither have a son nor a 9-Year-old. Some ppl are beyond despicable. No end! Sad what extent

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

People will go to. Amazing how folks try to tear cats down, primarily due to perceived power of the spoken word. Damn Shame, but too bad.

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

Because I don't intend on going anywhere. Really, Really sad, though!

oops!

HAHA

A+

I *love* it when people are taken in by the Onion as real. Love it. Wasnt one of the harry potter/satanist ones a big stir amonst some christians groups?

Your every "taken in by The Onion" need catered for:
http://literallyunbelievable.org/

The Planned Parenthood $8 billion abortioplex was the best. People even put up reviews for it on Yelp. Grade A+ IRL trolling.

Just unstoppable these days:

Romney Apologizes To Nation's 150 Million 'Starving, Filthy Beggars'

SALT LAKE CITY—Seeking to limit the fallout from a videotaped speech in which he asserts 47 percent of Americans “pay no taxes” and do not take “personal responsibility and care for their lives,” Mitt Romney hastily called a press conference today to apologize personally to the “150 million starving, filthy beggars (he) might have offended.”

Saying that he deeply regretted his choice of words at a private $50,000-a-plate fundraising function in May—during which he argued “(his) job is not to worry” about the lower-earning half of the nation’s populace—Romney personally appealed to the country’s “dirt-caked garbage pickers and toothless street urchins” for forgiveness.

“First and foremost, I would like to offer a heartfelt apology to all the whores, junkies, bums, and grime-covered derelicts out there who make up nearly half our nation,” a visibly contrite and solemn Romney said outside a campaign stop at a local high school. “Let me assure you that I in no way meant to offend any of the putrid-smelling, barefoot masses out there. My campaign is not about dividing this nation, but about bringing all sides together—the rich, elegant members of the upper class, as well as the 47 percent who are covered in flies and eat directly from back-alley dumpsters.”

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_macxh1aWpm1qkt6yoo1_500.png
last comment explains so much...

otm

omgggg

ha jesus

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-an-auctioneer-revealing-he-was-molested-as-a-c,29601/

damn, that is DARK

Something that actually looks like it's from The Onion:
http://i.i.com.com/cnwk.1d/i/tim/2012/09/27/benjamin_netanyahu_AP800809689368_fullwidth_620x350.jpg

lolbibi

glad to see that Israel's christmas ornament sale fundraiser has almost met its goal

lol

front page of the NYT that one

http://www.theonion.com/articles/textingwhilefielding-causes-record-number-of-outfi,29735/

lol @ last line

Argh - the 'you have reached your limit' message now comes up in incognito mode in Chrome.

fwiw there's no article limit ON IPHONE

a well-timed click of the stop loading button can get you the article but not the subscription overlay.

If you're reading it that much, pay them.

doesn't seem that much - 5 clicks through Infographic and the like...

this just made me lose my fucking mind.
http://www.theonion.com/video/nauseatingly-precious-nyc-couples-to-walk-around-i,29751/

hahaha that was awesome!

Onion TV has a new Ted Talk spoof. Didn't think the first one was that funny. Meanwhile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Cwxl_-DHqKo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Cwxl_-DHqKo

I'm also fond of the lake dredge appraisal program

and this is also good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQns6vGfj4&feature=relmfu

http://www.theonion.com/articles/okay-lets-cut-to-the-chasewhich-people-do-i-know-w,29937/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/trump-announces-hes-a-very-sad-man !

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-endorses-john-edwards-for-president,29989/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-mary-was-essentially-raped-mourdock-says-wh,30083/

'Mother Mary Was Essentially Raped,' Mourdock Says While Digging Self Into Deeper Hole
OCTOBER 24, 2012 | ISSUE 48•43 | MORE NEWS IN BRIEF

...At press time, multiple male Senate candidates in their 60s remained divided between those who believe pregnancies resulting from rape are biologically impossible and those who believe they are the divine will of God.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/blown-opportunity,30439/

FRIEND-
LESS
NAGS

5-Hour Energy CEO: Deaths Just Collateral Damage In War On That 2:30 Feeling

Apparently this one - 8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet - has the morons over at Beetbort.com crying anti-Semitism.

That’s the ticket, Onion. Buy into the “plight” of the Palestinians and ignore the fact that Hamas started the violence, that Hamas has fired on Israeli cities, that there are strong rumors that Hamas now has chemical weapons it can launch. Ignore the fact that Hamas deliberately places its rocket sites in civilian areas in an attempt to force Israel to kill civilians for left wing media consumption. Ignore that Hamas deliberately targets civilians while Israel takes great care not to.

Here’s one for you, Onion:

As their print version dried up with the last issue on November 1, 2012, the Onion, the celebrated satirical publication, decided to sell out to anti-Semitic propagandizing. “We noticed that Jews are becoming an easy target for vilification,” explained the editor, “and we just couldn’t resist the impulse to jump on the bandwagon. I mean, look at history; some of the most successful publications in history, like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, vilified the Jews too.”

Make sure to read the comments, they're a gem!

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/world/asia/chinese-news-site-cites-onion-piece-on-kim-jong-un.html

When Mr. Tracy was asked Tuesday whether he had any concerns that the misinterpretation of these articles could provoke international incidents, he said, “The Onion fully intends to provoke international incidents.”

Mr. Tracy added that The Onion had issued a formal statement. “We are pleased that one of our many fine Communist subsidiaries, the People’s Daily in China, has received accolades for its coverage of our Sexiest Man Alive announcement,” the statement said. “The People’s Daily has served as one of The Onion’s Far East bureaus for quite some time, and I believe their reportage as of late has been uncommonly fine, as well as politically astute.”

People’s Daily could not be reached for comment on Tuesday night.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/slideshow-the-9-most-scandalous-rihanna-photos,30516/
i admit it; i clicked thru all

i clicked through half and then they wanted me to register

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/?ref=auto

omg

Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

Right To Own Handheld Device That Shoots Deadly Metal Pellets At High Speed Worth All Of This

Feels like they had that written and ready to go huh