Severe Anxiety

Its hard to be the therapist in your situation. the most you can probably do is listen and show empathy. and hope this is not the start of a 4 year ordeal for you

Yipes. that's so hard to navigate with someone who's practically a stranger - hope you're holding up okay! Maybe get her to help you prepare a meal or something kinda hands on (housework? gardening?) to try to get her off the course-obsession? I dunno. Other than just letting her offload and just being there, there's probably not a whole lot you can do for right now.

Doing med adjustments herself when she's in crisis does NOT sound like a good idea. It's tricky, because you don't want to go over her head or violate her privacy, but it sounds like an untenable situation. Are there people closer to her who know what's going on? Seems like the boyfriend should be helping out. Let us know how it goes. :(

I 'met' the boyfriend on Skype last night when my roommate was walking the house with her laptop with him connected. He was nice, and patient, in that he talked to her for hours until she went to sleep, but also kind of nonplussed (knew about the meds, but seemed amazed by her reaction). I think he might be a relatively new boyfriend. And he's in a city 5 hours away. Thanks for the meds advice - it seems so simple, just go back to the previous dose, but I know it probably isn't :/

Veg, when she's upset she cannot do anything else at all, but she seems to be able to 'hold it in' temporarily - when I left this morning she was talking normally to the woman who is the 'renter' of the shared house. 5 min earlier she'd been in little bits sobbing on the floor of my room.

I'll update when I see her. Thanks for the advice - I know there's not much I can really do.

:( Hope there's a light at the end of her tunnel soon. (And yours)

Thank you for using "nonplussed" correctly.

I didn't realize there had been an issue with 'nonplussed' - had to Google it to find the problem!

The counsellor saw her and has started bringing her back up to her normal dosage, which is good but will take weeks. But she's still inconsolable over the course. There's a possible resolution of the course issue ('auditing' it - I guess that means 'observing it' - new Candianism to me) but she won't know whether that's possible till tomorrow. Once she does, and she reacts, it'll be easier to tell how things are going to go.

I read "nonplussed" used incorrectly in Newsweek just last night!

At least she has some professional guidance with the meds.

Going through some form of this right now. Had the same thing happen 20+ years ago when I was in teacher's college. It made sense then--I was almost 30 and back in the classroom for the first time in five years, doing something I never expected to be doing. I can't figure out what's going on now. But every day my mind's racing, and I've felt absolutely clueless at work since school let back in. Today I couldn't remember the word for "pylon." Very disconcerting--I will just plow through and wait for it to pass.

might be a good idea to go for a check-up with GP, just to make sure nothing else is going on?

Thanks. I'll give it a little time, but will keep that in mind.

"Meaning perplexed or bewildered, nonplussed is very often thought to mean just the opposite—calm, unruffled, cool-as-a-cucumber."

WTF? I have never heard of this confusion, wow.

I have never heard anyone get that wrong either.

Here in the UK I've never heard it misused to mean "unruffled" but have heard it used to mean "actively annoyed/disgusted", which makes me twitch slightly, though maybe it's less of an abuse

oh and uh best wishes ljub (and roommate!) and clemenza

i've heard it more often used for the "unruffled" meaning than the so-called correct one

me too

non·plussed/nänˈpləst/
Adjective:
(of a person) Surprised and confused so much that they are unsure how to react.
(of a person) Unperturbed.

ok, this is making me anxious, are emily.s and emilys. the same person?

I don't think so! One is America and one in UK unless I am wrong? It's weird/confusing though!

That is exactly what I thought. Whew, I thought I was going nuts.

lol minor anxieties on the anxiety thread surprise surprise ;)

oh wait it's emil.y and emilys.

never mind, I'm bad at this

I was allot anxiety today when I had to go train some people but then they didn't even show up.

My roommate was allowed to audit the course she wanted, and now she seems fine. I hope everything levels off for her a bit more now. Thanks for everyone's thoughts.

maybe since she's feeling better you could have a compassionate but boundary setting discussion about how any future episodes should be managed? this all seems like a potential large burden for you, a virtual stranger to her, when you have just arrived and have your own work and affairs to worry about. the fact that she seems fine now that she's got her own way with the course makes me wary.

the fact that she seems fine now that she's got her own way with the course makes me wary.

Yes, that occurred to me too :/ There are others in the house as well, including the couple who rent it from the landlord; they've been subletting for years and place a lot of stock in a friendly and calm house, so I think if it happened again they would be concerned. I'll see if there's a natural opportunity for a discussion about how to handle anything else that might arise.

Yeah, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, but freaking because of not being able to do this one course NOW seemed a bit childish. But idk, maybe not doing it was messing with her whole grad school plan.

Yes, emil.y and I are distinct. She once came across a thread a drunkenly posted a long time ago, and said something to the effect of "At first I thought this was me! Thank god, I don't remember ever being this much of an arse," or something, which made me lol.

What a saga ljubljana! How's your roommate now?

I got signed off sick for 2 weeks after the last major bout of anxiety. I went to Barcelona and baked in the sun, and then I went to Wales and wandered in the rain, and I felt good so I went back to work. Two weeks on, and it's just about as bad as before. I'm not weepy this time, but I am hostile & defensive, and my heart feels like it's split into several parts and they're all trying to get out of my chest in different directions. I've emailed my boss to say I'm not going in; I was shaking too badly to phone her. Then I had to turn my blackberry off because the prospect of a reply was unbearable.

I'm cutting and running from this job, which is fine - my contract is up at the end of the month anyway - but I can't help wondering what this means for the long term, if I can no longer do the only type of work I'm qualified for because I can't handle the pressure, or *any* degree of conflict in the workplace?

I'm not on any medication at the moment except ambien which I take 3-4 times a week. I've been on Prozac in the past but I didn't like it. I don't get depressed except through mental exhaustion caused by the anxiety. Should I be asking my GP for anti-anxiety drugs? I'm seeing him later today.

Ambien is very good IME if you have a day job. Many medications don't help you get work done. It's either that or harder stuff like tranquilizers or sedatives which are kind of sleazy these days and you can develop a nasty addiction.

A while back I found myself using my surplus of pain medications to get through the day. Thank god they ran out before I got addicted. The stuff works and you feel great, but...then you have a nasty addiction.

I had to fight with my doctor over several visits to get him to give me anti-anxiety meds, not anti-depressants. Kind of silly to take anti-depressants when you're not really depressed. I wonder why they are so reluctant to prescribe those, seeing how the capitalist system mandates productivity!

xp Roommate now seems totally fine, if a bit hyper, but I suspect she's always hyper. Hard to pull apart personality/anxiety/bipolar in this case.

What a horrible dilemma about work. I don't have any clue about the answer to your question, but wishing you all the very best for getting a sensible conversation out of your GP and decent treatment from this and future bosses.

along with all the healthy advise of sleep, proper diet, and exercise, I would also add practicing gratitude or whatever you want to call it, counting your blessings, looking on the bright side...

sounds simple and corny, but there have been studies done that show improved mental health. So simple to do daily, but so easy to forget.

Thanks everyone. The doctor has signed me off for 2 weeks again, which gets me out of ever having to go back into this job. I do have to dig up the strength to talk to HR, file outstanding time sheets, do expenses, hand back my kit etc., which all feels impossible but I will try to tackle it tomorrow. Oh and I should tell the boss. Erk.

No meds; I've promised to go outside and walk around a lot again.

I agree about the blessings and have repped several times on the depression thread for loving-kindness meditation etc. The Buddhist centre near my digs in London is a scary cult but I'll have another bash at finding some non-scary place to go and breathe and think nice things.

Hiya, Zo! Thinking of you, fyi.

That level of anxiety/life-interference might merit another look at meds. Obviously it is a very personal choice, and there are good reasons to NOT take meds, but a low dose of tranquilizer is not the devil, and it doesn't have to be forever. There are other options like buspar, if the worry is over dependence or addiction.

Anyway, I hope it gets better soon! Maybe there is another solution to livelihood that won't make you feel terrible.

The past few days I've woken up with my heart racing and my mind over-fixating on stuff and it's driving me nuts. The last time I was like this was before a job interview and it was pretty severe although at least temporary. I have a lot of particularly stressful things on my plate right now but I feel like I'm not even *that* actively worried about it all, it's like my body knows otherwise and is going into overdrive. The other day I could hardly eat and I'm not getting much sleep. Work is great because it distracts me and then I'm calmer, although the heart-racing thing fluctuates through the day (and makes me worry more!), but I think I need to see a doctor soon if it doesn't get better. I'd rather not take anything if I don't have to.. any tips for strategies to get past this? I usually just try and figure out what in particulary is worrying me so much, but I know, and it's not going away for a while.

well let's start with the basics. breathe, in and out, a lot. maybe cut down on your caffeine, drink some good herbal teas. pay attention to your body and what you need -- the right clothes, the right food, the right setting. if you're not feeling something, don't be hesitant to do something about it. little things are huge.

apart from that, talk to someone. like in person. voice on voice helps you clarify, and people have tips.

most importantly, smell the flowers. literally, go buy some. and something nice to drink and eat. if you think you're taking things too slow, take them even slower. there's plenty of fast-paced shit in this world as it is, it could stand a slowmo. and don't forget to breathe.

surm so otm with all of that

def see a doctor about the racing heartbeat though, just to be safe.

the only other thing I would say is anxiety creates a muscle memory, so each time you get into a situation where you've had anxiety before, you have it again almost right away. but you can lessen it by concentrating on breathing, on getting your brain out of that pattern and slowing yourself down and concentrating on being calm. even if you have to go outside or take a moment by yourself somewhere, stop what you're doing...it can help a little bit.

this is probably good advice, but sometimes it's helpful to scream your guts out. a guttural scream. AAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

this was easy for me when i had a car, but now i don't have one, and maybe you don't either. so maybe get a zipcar and scream your guts out.

this is probably NOT good advice, is what i meant. jeezus

your face is good advice xx

hey kinder, it wouldn't hurt to get a checkup, but the heart racing thing from stress just happens sometimes. It's hard not to pay attention, which prolongs it. A while ago, I went through a whole bunch of tests for this because it was happening all the time, and found out there was nothing physically wrong, but spending a couple weeks worrying that I might have a heart condition & not being able to stop the racing was not pleasant. I would say def cut back on caffeine and alcohol and sugar, especially in the evening. Weirdly, sometimes if you cough it will settle down, or focusing on some other movement like tapping your fingers together can take your mind off it and then it goes back to normal.

When I get racy and panicky, which mostly happens at work, I put my headphones on with one of Brian Eno's ambient albums - Music for Airports, Amnient 1-2-3 etc. They really, really help. His ambient music is so calming and focussed.

Walking/cycling change of environment (preferably a Park or some greenery).

Sometimes it doesn't seem to be having any effect whilst I'm out, but I feel better when I get back.

Thanks all, this is good!
Muscle memory thing and coughing both otm!
ZS I have a driving test in a few weeks, maybe I will try your advice then?
Tomorrow I should hopefully be able to address one of the things so I'll see if anything improves then. It doesn't help that I'm the world's most impatient person so I get antsy if I know I have to do something but I can't do it for a while.

ZS I have a driving test in a few weeks, maybe I will try your advice then?

irl lol

well, you didn't perform so well on the parallel parking portion of the exam, but your guttural scream is magnificent!

hey kinder, it wouldn't hurt to get a checkup, but the heart racing thing from stress just happens sometimes. It's hard not to pay attention, which prolongs it. A while ago, I went through a whole bunch of tests for this because it was happening all the time, and found out there was nothing physically wrong, but spending a couple weeks worrying that I might have a heart condition & not being able to stop the racing was not pleasant. I would say def cut back on caffeine and alcohol and sugar, especially in the evening. Weirdly, sometimes if you cough it will settle down, or focusing on some other movement like tapping your fingers together can take your mind off it and then it goes back to normal.

Daria otm. I went through the same thing a couple of months back -- my heart was fine, but fixating on it or worrying about it just made things worse. Cutting back on sugar and caffeine helped me out a lot.

Roommate from upthread has been broken up with by her b/f and I'm not sure how this is going to go. Turns out she was on anti-depressants as well as meds for bipolar, and her doctor let her stop it all at the same time, on the cusp of grad school. Insane.

I've had the heart race thing only through work stress or relationship stress, and only first thing in the morning - it starts about 0.0000001 secs after I wake up and won't stop until I get up. Haven't had it happen in a while, but it's horrible. Good luck with getting rid of it, Kinder, everyone's advice here sounds very sensible.

^^^I have also had the waking-up-with-heart-racing thing. It gets better as the day goes on, a fact that I try to remember in the moment. 99% of the time I'm feeling OK by the time I've showered/commuted/settled in at work. The other 1% is what xanax is for.