Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Not "get away" from his presence, he's easy to hang with and fun to be around. But away from feeling any romantic pressure.

Oh god, that's awkward.

Is it just a physical... you're just not into what he looks like at all. Or is it one of those more complicated situations where you're not attracted *because* it seems to easy/simple/not enough tension? Like, are you second guessing yourself, or is it just "ugh, never in a million years" when you look at him?

(Sorry this sounds so awful - it's possible for someone to be perfectly attractive, just not attractive to *you* so I'm not asking "is he really ugly" but "is he just a no-go for you" ?)

He's not remotely bad-looking. He's perfectly nice-looking and even has nice blue eyes and better eyelashes than I do. But I think it's a no-go for me.

Yeah, I've dated some gorgeous ladies that I had no real connection with at all. It creates some cognitive dissonance, for sure, but you gotta go with your gut.

School has started, I am getting lots of messages from 22 year olds. Actually... they are all far better looking than the older guys who usually message me (ACTUALLY, no one MY AGE ever messages me.. it's either someone quite a bit older, or quite a bit younger.. what's up with the 32 year old dudes in Denver!?). It's enough to tempt me.

been messaging a few people lately on soulmates (not cupid), i added some new photos and stuff, some good peeps, i don't have a lot of faith tho. i actually think i'm in a v solitary place at the moment, though not even in a bad way. one of my closest friends has started seeing someone and i'm actually sort of glad in that it allows me to prepare for a winter of just focussing on the hobbies i do away from my friends and exercising. i might shave my head and get some warpaint also.

that jerk i dated sent me back my dvds without a note or anything. ice collllllllllllld. i wish i had some way to retaliate but i'm trying to convince myself that "living well is the best revenge" but it certainly doesn't feel that way right now.

Keep him perpetually on the line and waiting for the retaliation that never comes. I like to imagine that, after I shut a jerk out completely, they'll wind up wistfully pondering what might've been (and I have one definite second-hand confirmation of that happening!).

yeah...i was going to unfriend him on facebook but then decided it was better to just keep him on so he could see all the awesome stuff that i do and feel like he is missing out. my life is pretty cool on the surface right now. i have no idea if this is realistic or not, he probably already has hidden me or just doesn't care.

it's weird to not be going through the motions of remaining friends with someone. i like most people i date enough to want to stay friends. but i think he has pretty much shot down the chance of that happening.

i also got a really negative message on okc last night and it really hit me in a rough way...someone asked me if i was trying to come off as "severe" and also said something mean about me wearing too much pale makeup :(

Fuck that negging shit, you don't have to put up with that. Delete. BLOCK.

i think someone here told me to take out the part on my profile about "you should message me if" you don't think it's ok to say awful things to people because it was too negative, but just FYI these are the types of messages women get regularly on here.

Why the hell would someone contact someone they don't know on a dating site just to tell them the things they don't like about their profile? I'm staggered. I mean, I shouldn't be, but I am. Just ugh.

I don't get those AT ALL, but then I don't get many messages, and also I think my prof these days is more assertive than I used to regularly be, which maybe dissuades those kinds of jerkstores.

Why the hell would someone contact someone they don't know on a dating site just to tell them the things they don't like about their profile? I'm staggered.

Because if you get the sense that someone can be negged/intimidated and you think that's of some benefit to you, and you're an asshole who doesn't think that women are people/people on the internet are people, that's something that you might do. Often.

Why the hell would someone contact someone they don't know on a dating site just to tell them the things they don't like about their profile?

Nine times out of ten, it's a PUA tactic. So it'll be something like, "You seem really annoying but I'd still fuck you." Trying to compromise their confidence and then boost it in the same breath. And yes, it's disgusting and ridiculous and probably is only successful with people who have really low self-esteem, but it's like spam: if you act that way constantly, someone will eventually bite. I do moderation on OKC (only occasionally because that shit is depressing) and I've seen that general exchange in a ton of messages that get flagged for abuse.

yeah, it's super gross. i wrote back a mean message calling him a douche and then blocked him. i like to think that i'm above being bothered by these things but when i am in a vulnerable place (i.e. being sad because i just received my dvds) it can get to me. though not in the way that i would want to sleep with someone that insults me, ever, obviously.

dear bene_gesserit --

you should not date ppl from the internet anymore imo.

lots of love,
ian

(i will still set you up with my friend abe)

agreed, shit is weak. set me up with abe!

i am trying to!!!
btw i might have a pair of tickets to see alvarius b (alan bishop of sun city girls) tonight @ union pool if my friend bob & his gf flake, would you want to go to that

you could meet our roommate pat.

Haha. Good advice all around!

i could probably come to that tonight! what time?

it's around 9:30 or so.. i guess bob's girlfriend is gonna take the tickets, but you should come and hang out anyway! you could meet our roommate pat who is a bro. it hink you

you think i...?

will there be tickets at the door, do you think?

i think you might like pat, even if he is probably not your 'type.' and it would be nice to see you! and you could meet helen!
i think there will probably be tickets at the door.

You Pool
PRESALE TICKETING HAS ENDED.
A LIMITED AMOUNT OF TICKETS WILL BE SOLD AT THE DOOR AT 9PM. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE.

i do want to meet helen, finally! and it would be nice to see you. i might wuss out though because it's supposed to be rainy and i kind of want to hang out with pen and cook dinner and read my book. but hopefully we can get together soon!

sure!

have you gone to that place in your neighborhood umi nom yet? i like it because it's delicious and byob.

B-g, your profile is not in the slightest bit severe. Not that anyone should write and hassle you even if it was.

some words when used to describe women just sound sexist to me. "severe" is one.

pale makeup is cool though

I am severe as fuck. I would be ~complimented~ if someone described me as severe. I would like to be thought of as severe as a Victorian schoolmarm.

After an initial lapse in communication and 2 aborted attempts, I am meeting this vampire woman who I am exactly 2 thirds the age of. I think the only reason I am doing this is (in addition to being able to say I went out with a 36 y/o woman) out of sheer curiosity about why she asked me out in the first place.

Ugh, see this is how low my self-confidence has got. I was going to reply to that with a joke post saying something like "if it's a competition, I could ask you out so you could say you'd been out with a 40-something woman! that's got to be double the kudos!" but then got so scared that it would not be read as a joke and just thought that even joking about taking someone on a date would be considered awful and crepey and horrible and gross.

So let's pretend I made that joke and everybody laughed light-heartedly and no one pointed at me and called me a crepe.

Hope you have fun on your date, ed.b, and even if you don't, you can come back here and spill the gossip on the vampire lady.

A woman messaged me today to tell me that she thinks I'm fun and interesting. She's now hidden.

I would be flattered to be called a crepe. yum.

May be meeting up soon with someone who has the same name as my last ex (of seven years). Not sure how I feel about this. I guess it's less weird than the girl I had a crush on who had the same name as me.

i'm setting a goal to message a bunch of ppl this weekend. i want to make out with someone's face!

I am feeling so down on humanity right now I just deactivated my profile.

A woman messaged me today to tell me that she thinks I'm fun and interesting. She's now hidden.

Full text of the last message I received:

"Hey, you seem like an alright guy. Message me back if you're interested."

...Interested in what? Your lack of effort? At least she's consistent with most other OKC users in that regard. I am interested, though, in the fact that we have thoroughly discrepant 'Looking for' sections and that she lives in another city...

I would've deactivated again by now except that I've been having a lovely exchange with someone (that's shockingly lasted longer than two messages without abruptly and unexplainedly dying on the vine). Although I think I'm going to ask her if she minds taking the conversation elsewhere so I can shut that OKC shit down and hopefully forestall a further deluge of fascinating and engaging messages from other users.

Some super ripped, buff personal trainer wrote me and said he wanted to cook me a Swanson's TV dinner.

What's that a euphemism for?

A Dutch oven, iirc.

I think he actually was being serious and it wasn't a euphemism. I SPOT A FEEDER.

would this be microwave or full on oven-style

More and more lately I've been feeling like I don't need to read men's profiles, I just need to know how they answered a few key questions. The ones about teaching creationism/intelligent design in schools, the one about women shaving their legs, whether or not flag-burning should be illegal. I don't think I've ever seen an answer to a queerness question that wasn't the most tolerant ans--I think people know better now than to be openly homophobic--but the dumb still finds a way.

ha when i was briefly on okcupid, the women shaving question was the first one i checked.

Not only are the questions often the best and most revealing part of people's profiles, they're also sometimes the only way to see how close of a match you are thanks to OKC's fantastically skewed metrics. I keep coming across people with whom I have relatively low match percentages but whose answers to many (and occasionally all) of their match questions are identical to mine. It kinda undermines the whole point of OKC's percentages.

Agreed--I just ask to see the questions with "explanations." A couple of users have had extremely enjoyable customized answers--f hazel is one, and another was named "chimeraminute," which, isn't that GOOD?! But we wrote each other once each and then he left the site.