Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Thanks!

O the irony of my mispelling on that post.

Just looked at your profile; I don't think you need to mention your lack of sexual experience, btw.

Also might want to cut brooding loneliness. I love brooders but most people like to pretend they like positive, outgoing people (even if they don't, really).

I'd also probably give your profile a once over without a message due to the non-monogamy mention, but perhaps that's just me and due to my bad experiences with polyamorists.

PS I just realized I also described myself as brooding. Oops.

I also describe myself as brooding (specifically as 'a moody, brooding goofball', in the hope that at least one person will hear that in Werner Herzog's voice, a la Julien Donkey-Boy). And even though that's probably not most people's cup of tea, I prefer to be upfront about it rather than misrepresent myself and wind up dating someone who has no time for my shit, y'know?

Heh, I guess this is also where subtle sarcasm doesn't come across in text.

The sexual inexperience thing would possibly put some people off, but as you mentioned above, it could also be a turn-on for people - mentioning it is down to whether you want that to be a 'thing', I guess. You certainly wouldn't be deceiving anyone if you choose not to mention it.

I love brooding! I pursued someone because he looked so dark and brooding in his picture, but when I met him he was perfectly well adjusted, youthful and not brooding at all. He was fun though. I think he was the most functional, non-needy person I met off the site. Needless to say, I never saw him again.

haha i have been known to brood, but have attempted to obscure this fact somewhat. obviously i have no idea what the market demands.

how much straight-up lying do you think there is?

i haven't searched other men, but i've heard stories about shirtless bros and 45-year-olds with an upper limit of 32. i have certainly seen women who list themselves as 10 years younger and then admit as much in their profiles -- and others who surely don't. it is such a weird thing all around

I was tempted to lie abt my age on mine. But whats the point.

I dont know why I think it is THAT giving me the problem when age diffs have not, ever, been the source of the bullshit Ive gone thru in my last 3 ot 4 dating situs.

i can confirm that most dudes lie about their height.

As a 6'2" man, I have no idea why anyone would.

the littler they are, the more inches they add. once they get above 6 ft the actual height and okc height start to approach the same value.

I suspect some ppl honestly misestimate their height as well!

As a 5'7" guy, I understand why men would be be tempted to lie about that (distaste towards shortness is really one of the most pervasively shallow prejudices I've encountered from women). But really...how long can you really hope to pull off that particular subterfuge?

the women who list their age as younger and admit as much in the comments say they're doing so to merely appear in ppl's searches, not to trick anyone

which makes some sense, but also highlights the weirdness of the whole enterprise

or maybe that part is me

I believe I am fr real 5'10", it is totally average man height, my posture may have shaved a little over the years...

As a shortarse Ive never cared less for a guys height, it is extremely unlikely I'm gonna meet a guy who is less than 5'4 tall.

i read on the okcblog that literally everyone under 6' on okc lies about their height by 1 or 2 inches. if i'm 5'10" and say so, are people gonna assume i'm actually 5'7 or something? same with my age, i mean it didn't even really occur to me to lie about it, but what if people assume i did and think i'm actually 50? my real age is 44 but i look younger. so probably everyone assumes all my pics are from ~12 years ago too?

i should put one in where i'm reading today's newspaper in a very up-to-the-minute fashionable outfit. perhaps next to measuring tape.

or maybe me holding a clearly labelled box of the update to mountain lion?

I keep being told I look about 30 (lol, i dont think so but whatev). Temptation to lie abt age is so strong. Even if just to see if it chages anything.

TBH saying Im a smoker is prob the worst dealbreaker for a large potential pool. Maynbe I should delete that.

no, don't! i just quit smoking 6 months ago and i need to know that about someone. also, i mean, do you *want* to hang around with some anti-smoker type going "<fake lil coughing fit> oh, no, you go ahead, i'm just a little bit allergic to carcinogens is all. no, please, don't stop on my account!" etc etc

Yeah, not at all haha. I dunno I guess I should quit, but getting a date is not something worth being the only factor.

plus if you quit you couldn't go out with smokers any more! it's a catch-22

Wow, this is starting to feel like one of those things where I go into it with the good faith of total honesty and disclosure and end up myself swept into some sort of underworld of deceit. That said I am legit 6'2.

Thanks for all advice, people!

I'm 6"3 and it's done me very little good. I probably seem even taller in half the shoes I own.

I went out with someone who listed himself as 5'9" but was clearly 5'7" (I'm 5'8"). Then I went out with another 5'9"er who was actually telling the truth and as a result he seemed so tall!

I feel like you could make a sitcom episode out of this where someone goes on this great date and ends up getting arrested, but because the chemistry is so good the date accompanies him to the police station, but ultimately leaves when he's getting mugshots taken because it turns out he's 2 inches shorter than he said.

I just got a "You seem as messed up as me!" message from a lady who seems pretty cool and who has a humorously (and refreshingly) blunt profile. I acknowledged long ago that I pretty much need to exclusively date from the 'idiosyncratic' pool, so I'd prefer to find people whose idiosyncrasies are up-front and seem to be compatible with my own rather than the norm, wherein tamped-down idiosyncrasies of a much less palatable nature start bubbling to the surface somewhere down the road.

This may be overly-reductive, but it seems like the golden rule can be pretty easily applied here. Do you want to be lied to in a profile? Do you want someone to misrepresent themselves and try to hide their tics and neuroses from you? I'm genuinely curious. Maybe some people do. I just don't understand why. It's clear that I've honed my profile to the point where it's actively off-putting to anyone who's looking for some well-adjusted, traditional, alpha male, but I have to say it feels good to get the occasional message from somebody who seems to get and appreciate me, y'know?

I just changed my summary to something rly honest, on that front. I really dont care anymore, if you like who I come over as then hey, go for it.

But there's honesty, and then there's "ew why did you SAY that". Which Ive seen a little of. PUA's mostly.

5'7" is not really short for a guy imo.

It's not "short for a guy" so much as it's "shorter than me" which is the criticism?

Not really one I recognise, given that Thom Yorke is 5'4" and is sex on legs. Little, stubby, adorably short, little-boy legs, but still. Sex on legs.

i don't really have an issue with height and have dated shorter guys. actually the guy that dumped me friday was shorter than me. it's just pretty obvious when someone says they are taller than me and i meet them and they are not even close!

i have no interest in lying about my age. i do realize that a lot of people only search up to 30. but that's pretty dumb. do men really think women stop being attractive after 30? i.e. do they live under some rock and not watch any movies or look at magazines or consume any media aside from barely legal porn?

I'm not really bothered by it that much, and I've dated (sometimes significantly) taller girls who don't seem to have a problem with it. I just know that, tied with "I'm a HUGE sports fan!", "I only date guys ___ or taller, sorry!" is the most frequent dealbreaker I've encountered in otherwise appealing OKC profiles. I guess I'm glad that some people are up-front about it.

I feel like you could make a sitcom episode out of this where someone goes on this great date and ends up getting arrested, but because the chemistry is so good the date accompanies him to the police station, but ultimately leaves when he's getting mugshots taken because it turns out he's 2 inches shorter than he said.

Seinfeld SURELY has already done this? If not, they should have.

Hahaha people only search up to 30?? Well, if they want to date 25yos, I guess, they're welcome to. That's kind of a dead end as you get older, though.

I cannot BELIEVE people say that about height!!!

Although I'm short so maybe I just don't know how it is.

My age parameters are from 25 to 45, fwiw. Ten years on either side seems like a safe range. My only real quibble with the idea of dating significantly older women is thinking that my messy life will somehow disturb the tranquility my neurotic brain is convinced that they must have achieved at this point. When clearly there are people of all ages still trying to get their shit together.

I had a friend basically tell me that the biggest impediment to us ever dating was my height. This is a real thing that I've encountered a number of times in the real world, unfortunately.

I find that amazing. height has never bothered me! and I say that as someone who does have other v minor deal ... bothers I won't mention cos they're just as lame . height ain't one tho.

I knew a woman (who I met via phone conversations) that I set up a date with. Then she thought to ask how tall I was, after which she changed her mind because I was 1/2 inch shorter than she was. I offered to wear my high heels when we were out, which got a laugh but still no date.

It's amazing to me, too, but if you polled a decently-sized sample group, I'd wager you'd find more women who were willing to date someone they found physically unattractive than women who'd date someone shorter than themselves. I think it mostly comes down to how ingrained gender norms are in their brains (or at least how insecure they are about the idea of publicly bucking gender norms).

weird

i totally have something about smashing the patriarch in my profile. am willing to date short guys if that's what it takes.

I would love to check out your profile!

I'd wager you'd find more women who were willing to date someone they found physically unattractive than women who'd date someone shorter than themselves

Nobody should be dating anyone they find physically unattractive, that part is simple. The complicatedness is where being tall or "tall" or taller than the other person is made a condition of the attraction? Or something?

Yeah, I get that. It's kinda along the same lines of, "Oh, she has such a pretty face. If only she'd lose some weight...".

there's plenty of love to go around on okc. i'm 5'7" and had plenty of women email me, and plenty respond back. went out on dates, even had a couple of one night stands, oddly enough. the difference they said was "your profile actually says stuff on it." but i also got "why are you on OKCupid?", so dunno what that means or how it factors in.

Oh, yeah, I'm not saying that being short has been an impediment to dating at all. Just that there are a lot of ladies out there for whom it's a problem. But there are also a lot of ladies for whom it doesn't seem to be a problem at all.