did not realize it when I came up with it, but apparently it's a variation on an Ogden Nash line
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 August 2012 03:52 (twelve years ago) link
So anyway, I couldn't think of any more Daft Punk puns, but I know Sigur Ros are going to be releasing a rival Indian cookbook called Agaetis Biryani.
― Here's that tenner I owe you, asshole (dog latin), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 20:06 (twelve years ago) link
q: Where does Batman keep his Nietzsche audiobooks?a: His Bat-Futility Belt.
― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Monday, 10 September 2012 15:46 (twelve years ago) link
Did you hear about the new best-seller detailing the salacious academic exploits of a female undergrad who is the daughter of an avid Mets fan? It's called, "50 Grades of Shea."
― something of an astrological coup (tipsy mothra), Monday, 10 September 2012 15:51 (twelve years ago) link
Wait I made that joke on this board somewhere
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 21 September 2012 15:53 (twelve years ago) link
tbf I think your version is more elaborate
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 21 September 2012 15:54 (twelve years ago) link
where does the US military send its funniest soldiers?Laughganistan!
― one dis leads to another (ian), Friday, 21 September 2012 15:55 (twelve years ago) link
Man, if there hasn't already been a USO stand-up comedy special called Laughganistan, I think we've failed our troops.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 21 September 2012 16:17 (twelve years ago) link
I was really struggling to find places that would repair a harp...
... thankfully Joanna knew some.
― NWOFHM! Overlord (krakow), Friday, 21 September 2012 22:23 (twelve years ago) link
bravo
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 21 September 2012 22:25 (twelve years ago) link
last two are gold
― This Is... The Police (dog latin), Monday, 24 September 2012 23:24 (eleven years ago) link
Q: What musician is most at the forefront of the Avant Chard?
A: John Kale
― Knut Horowitz, Able-Bodied Investment Banker and Ladies Man (Hurting 2), Monday, 5 November 2012 17:27 (eleven years ago) link
new best tumblr: http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/
― an area the size of Jimmy Wales (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 29 November 2012 15:37 (eleven years ago) link
Your brain is a poop bomb and you are a zombie and you are naked with your butt on fire and your butt in a girls face and you are wearing diapers
― an area the size of Jimmy Wales (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 29 November 2012 15:38 (eleven years ago) link
WHO EATS LIKE A GREEDY PIG AND SUCK BOOBESRHIANA
― an area the size of Jimmy Wales (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 29 November 2012 15:39 (eleven years ago) link
What has 2 legs, 2 arms and is still refusing to make me a sandwich?My Wife.
That one is great!
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Thursday, 29 November 2012 15:41 (eleven years ago) link
WHO LIKES BEING GAY AND SNOGIN THE GIRLS
MY RIDICULOS UNCLE EDWARD
― an area the size of Jimmy Wales (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 29 November 2012 15:42 (eleven years ago) link
who am i ???i can make brown stuff.i put my face on the toylet.i might be disgusting.so who am i…i am your butt
― crüt, Thursday, 29 November 2012 15:53 (eleven years ago) link
the riddle of the sphincter
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Thursday, 29 November 2012 16:31 (eleven years ago) link
omg they are my new favourite things. But I lost my shit most at this one
My cat died in the washing machine yesterday.At least it died in Comfort!
― These are my every day balloons (Ste), Friday, 30 November 2012 00:53 (eleven years ago) link
correction, I'm losing my shit at most of them haha
― These are my every day balloons (Ste), Friday, 30 November 2012 00:59 (eleven years ago) link
mum; we can eat camels you know honeydad ; SHUT UP AND GET YOUR TURKEY SCIENCE BOOKS
― make like a steak and beef (dog latin), Friday, 30 November 2012 10:22 (eleven years ago) link
that one could be an I LOVE CRICKET: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX thread title
― an area the size of Jimmy Wales (DJ Mencap), Friday, 30 November 2012 11:44 (eleven years ago) link
What did the goat say to the dog
nice buttock you loser
― r|t|c, Friday, 30 November 2012 12:30 (eleven years ago) link
There was a man with a ham sandwich sitting on a bench in a park. Next to him was a woman with a dog, and the man said “can I throw him a bit?” The woman said “yes, OK”, so the man picked the dog up and threw him in the pond.
― Mark G, Friday, 30 November 2012 16:01 (eleven years ago) link
Q.what did batman say to robin before they got in the carA.get in the car
A.get in the car
― 炒面kampf (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 2 December 2012 03:25 (eleven years ago) link
Did you hear they accept debit cards at the dump now? You can ask for trash back!
― how's life, Sunday, 2 December 2012 17:11 (eleven years ago) link
this is great
― Roberto Spiralli, Sunday, 2 December 2012 18:06 (eleven years ago) link
q: why did the ilxor cross the road?
a: she had room for only one McCarthy novel in her ballot, and blood meridian would probably be underrepresented in the poll
― Sufjan Gruden (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 2 December 2012 18:52 (eleven years ago) link
Bad Kids Jokes Special: The Unanswered JokesSubmissions by different kids, all without answers. why did the goat eat a baloon WHY DID THE POO CROSS THE ROAD Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIG THAT SHOOTS how does a penguin get to school how many dinosaurs can fit in a smart car why did a cat smak his face Whats a banana’s favourite dance move? Why Did The Apple Go To The Toliet? Do you no the chicken who went to the city to buy a hat how many pickles do watermelons have How many cats in the treasure chest? A: 23 B: 4 C: 176
Submissions by different kids, all without answers. why did the goat eat a baloon WHY DID THE POO CROSS THE ROAD Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIG THAT SHOOTS how does a penguin get to school how many dinosaurs can fit in a smart car why did a cat smak his face Whats a banana’s favourite dance move? Why Did The Apple Go To The Toliet? Do you no the chicken who went to the city to buy a hat how many pickles do watermelons have How many cats in the treasure chest? A: 23 B: 4 C: 176
― Mark G, Monday, 10 December 2012 16:38 (eleven years ago) link
Joke I literally dreamed this morning:
Monica Lewinsky is giving her clothes away to her celebrity friends. Naturally, Beyonce got the free cum dress.
― Radio Free Urine (Old Lunch), Monday, 10 December 2012 17:29 (eleven years ago) link
holy shit.
― how's life, Monday, 10 December 2012 18:08 (eleven years ago) link
Did you hear about the grape who liked sunbathing? - He said it was his raison d'etre
― jel --, Monday, 10 December 2012 18:13 (eleven years ago) link
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIG THAT SHOOTS
bac-gun
― SHUT UP AND GET YOUR TURKEY SCIENCE BOOKS (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 10 December 2012 18:43 (eleven years ago) link
What was Popeye's favorite Led Zeppelin song?Olive My Love
― how's life, Monday, 10 December 2012 21:07 (eleven years ago) link
Can't tell whether it's no longer his favorite because they split or because he's dead. But solid.
― Radio Free Urine (Old Lunch), Monday, 10 December 2012 21:16 (eleven years ago) link
Popeye has to be dead. I mean, come on.
― how's life, Monday, 10 December 2012 23:08 (eleven years ago) link
how many dinosaurs can fit in a smart car
― everything, Monday, 10 December 2012 23:26 (eleven years ago) link
I'm getting very religious about drinking probiotic yogurt drinks - i'm thinking of joining a yakult.
― jel --, Saturday, 15 December 2012 18:55 (eleven years ago) link
What happened when all the judges agreed which was the best tasting ramen? Their verdict was umamimous.
So sorry.
― ledge, Tuesday, 18 December 2012 12:12 (eleven years ago) link
what's the best part about letting casey anthony babysit for you?
she'll kill your kid.
― slam dunk, Tuesday, 18 December 2012 13:12 (eleven years ago) link
Why did the American take his British date to an estate auction?
Because she told him she was turned on by heirless chests.
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 20:25 (eleven years ago) link
^ laughed!
― Tiger Beat On The Potomac (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 21 December 2012 14:59 (eleven years ago) link
that's great
― 炒面kampf (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 21 December 2012 21:14 (eleven years ago) link
i've just been putting all my heavy metal albums in strict alphabetical then chronological order. i have oc/dc.
― koogs, Wednesday, 9 January 2013 15:15 (eleven years ago) link
why was 2 afraid of 1? because 187 on an undercover cop
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 9 January 2013 15:26 (eleven years ago) link
those are both great!
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 9 January 2013 15:29 (eleven years ago) link
― koogs, Wednesday, January 9, 2013 10:15 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
reminds me of a Steven Wright Joke: "I have HDADHD -- I have a lot of trouble concentrating, but when I do it's REALLY clear"
― drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 9 January 2013 15:31 (eleven years ago) link
(am determined someone's going to laugh at this, cumbersome though it is.)
i see Disney are remaking their animated film about intelligent rats, updated so the rats have specialised knowledge of new battery technology, 'The Secret Of NiMH'.
― koogs, Monday, 14 January 2013 10:42 (eleven years ago) link
(oh, it wasn't disney, but a bunch of disney animators who left and set up their own company)
― koogs, Monday, 14 January 2013 11:11 (eleven years ago) link