Poll: what's the worst part of getting old?

"please don't confront me with my failures/I have not forgotten them" (motherfucker)

^^^

for some people the worst part of getting old is going to be having to admit that Jackson Browne has yr number

And had it at age 16. Yow.

So long as it turns out Jack Johnson doesn't I'm good.

I wonder which one of the ILX women will be the first one to go through menopause. I suspect it will be me; my period has lightened considerably in the last few months, and the day of the month it falls on is starting to shift around.

^ask me in about 3 months.

but having kids makes you look older, fer sure. xxpost

― kate78, Saturday, August 11, 2012 3:18 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is absolutley true. I see it most obvoiously in fb friends from HS who had kids in their early 20s. They look so much older now than the people I know who haven't had kids or had them later. I mean it makes sense. Parenting, for all it's joys and great points, is surely a very stressful and tiring thing.

i really really am not sure i want kids. like ever. i don't hate children - some of them are alright, delightful even, but I did spend a good deal of my late childhood/teenage years with screaming kids (my brothers and sisters) around me. I know the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations, cos I was there every step of the way and I just don't know if I could do it again (plus the added responsibility of it being, y'know, my kid).

feeling lately like having (teenage) kids takes years off yr life #tradeoffs

eh, people who don't have kids don't live any longer, they just look less weary while living

x-post - M Coleman - My mom credits having a kid late in life for keeping her young in spirit.

she's right! and ty i needed to hear that today

slouched around for 30 years, now i have to concentrate on posture constantly or else my back hurts after like 5 min of sitting/slumping.

is there a companion thread for the best parts of getting older?

I think for me the people who had kids in their early 20s look "older" probably because they tended to be very different people with different values than my close friends with kids who all had them in their late 20s or later.

To stereotype rather broadly, the early 20s people were the ones who were never into fashion / art / music / other markers of youth culture and seemed like they just couldn't wait to have kids, buy a house in the suburbs and settle into a pair of Dockers.

Like they're parents first, and everything they do revolves around that fact and their lives seem to be much more centered on whatever their kids whims are, whereas the people who had kids later incorporated kids into their existing lives as adults.

is there a companion thread for the best parts of getting older?

― Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, August 13, 2012 11:45 AM (30 minutes ago)

It was discussed but never carried out iirc.

Agreeing with joygoat that there's also a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy thing going on. A lot of people who have kids at a younger age are fulfilling the life checklist and are going to put more stock in the supposed signposts of aging. To an extent, people *look* older because they dress or act old, and that might just mean they're out of touch with art/music/fashion/anything that's not polos and cargo shorts

Like they're parents first, and everything they do revolves around that fact and their lives seem to be much more centered on whatever their kids whims are, whereas the people who had kids later incorporated kids into their existing lives as adults.

In all seriousness, this post needs to be enlarged and framed and placed in prominent locations all over the universe

A friend of ours (48?) just recently had a baby, and is currently leading a safari tour of east Africa *with her baby*. As per joygoat's post, her child has not stopped her life.

she's 48 and she had a baby??
this makes me feel better about everything

I could be a year or two off, but yep

Is that in American years or Australian?

My friend turned 100 yesterday and today he told me he doesn't remember yesterday, if he had a party, what he did etc... His memory loss started this year. Up until this year he was really with it, mentally.Now he is not even as active as he was last year because his memory loss confuses him and he likes staying close to home. He lives in an old, giant house and told me he likes to stick to certain rooms and doesn't wander around. I was sure he'd make it to 100 with all his wits about him.

It's the worst when you really start to believe someone is invincible, and then you discover that they're not (worse for them, obv)

Yeah my grandad, for all his other illnesses, has been sharp as a tack right into his 90s, still able to be his wifes primary carer, do all the vege gardening, learn and operate a Mac and do word processing on it etc. Juts this last year or so he's started to forget how to do simple things tho, and you could see the embarrasment on his face asking how to make his printer do a photocopy (it was a 2-button thing he'd done dozens of times).

Right now he's in hospital, or was last I heard - simpleish shoulder op turned into complications, as is often the case at that advanced age sadly. Havent had any updates from fam, not rly sure whats going on.

Sorry Trayce.

Only three years ago I saw my grandfather run really fast to get the phone, he was 87. It was a few months before he had a fall while doing yard work. It has left him in a great deal of pain and has really affected his quality of life. Now he seems sad, maybe a bit afraid and frustrated.

Like they're parents first, and everything they do revolves around that fact and their lives seem to be much more centered on whatever their kids whims are

My friend got some shit recently from an old old friend of his who basically told him off, said his wife and kid is dragging him down and making him less of a man. The problem was that he couldn't fly across country to his friend's wedding. He had just bought a house and has a wife and a 2-year-old at home. What is he supposed to do, leave his job and family to make his friend happy?

He recently moved out to the 'burbs but he and the misses are way youthful and the baby can point at a picture of Lemmy and say "Motorhead".

Sad indictment of our age if recognising Lemmy from Motorhead - heyday sometime back in the seventies - is a sign of youthfulness

The shock of hearing '90s grunge and Britpop, and even late-90s pop, on classic-rock or oldies stations. Nothing I listened to as a 20-something should ever find its way onto oldies radio. y'understand?

Yeah the 90s are now what the 60s were to me in high school, which seems so hard to get my head round.

For kids now in high school, the early 80s are their equivalent of like, the fecking Beatles era and that... hurts.

plus they don't remember cassettes amirite

i think you mean to say "reality bites"

few things are worse than getting excited when you stumble across the "old school jams" mix on the radio and they're playing stuff from AFTER you graduated from college (there is nothing "old school" about Ja Rule and Juvenile, you dicks)

Ha

Radio: We're going ALL THE WAY BACK... to 1998!
Me: Eat every single square inch of my ass, motherfucker *plays M83, dies a little inside*

permanently otm

Like they're parents first, and everything they do revolves around that fact and their lives seem to be much more centered on whatever their kids whims are, whereas the people who had kids later incorporated kids into their existing lives as adults.

In all seriousness, this post needs to be enlarged and framed and placed in prominent locations all over the universe

― * The "no hands" rule can be compared to socialist tax policies (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 13 August 2012 23:11 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I disagree.

tbf, people who get married at a young age often develop a stage of their personalities together that people may not at older ages. I think a lot more people have a fully-formed version of who they are at 20 as compared to 30, and having kids is just part of that package in some cases.

A young woman offered me her seat on the subway today (I declined because I had two stops left) because she saw me grimacing every time the car lurched (from whatever this nerve/muscle horseshit is that's taking forever to get tested and diagnosed).

I think a lot more people have a fully-formed version of who they are at 20 as compared to 30

It would seem to follow that a lot of people at 20 are wrong!

I think I pretty obviously reversed what I wanted to say there

or I was completely incoherent, let's try again:

Many people form their adult personas post age 20, and if they are married and/or have kids early, that is more likely to become a part of their self-image. If you get married after 30 or later, you're more likely to bring more assumptions to the table.

On the flip side, you could say that people who do these things at a later age are just stodgy and unwilling to make changes.

regardless, getting mad at someone because they would rather spend time with their kids than you is a little weird

No argument there. I mean, it sucks for me that a bunch of my friends are going "see you in 18 years!" but if they will have sex without clearing it with me...

I think getting mad at someone because they would ALWAYS rather spend time with their kids (who are over 10) is entirely understandable.

I think the worst is the idea that one spouse can't have time away from the other and kids unless it's something important. I'm pretty sure my friend doesn't have to rush home every day after work, and that he could plan something with friends, and it doesn't have to be as rigidly-defined as an important activity. Sometimes people just need time with friends, or to themselves.

The feeling that both people are supposed to always be home in the evening and stare at each other or at the kid is kind of irritating. Some people genuinely do find their kids important enough to always want to be there, and in that case... yeah, probably going to have to write them off for some social bits.

My kids are way cooler and more entertaining than anyone i've worked with..

My TV is way cooler and more entertaining than anyone i've ever worked with