shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

the no regrets tattoo alternative is to get those nike running shoes customised, you can't have "cunt" tho which sort of ruins it.

Oh my god that woman needs help.That is the most fucked up self absorbed shit I have ever read, making it all about her being "redundant", acting like he was dead or something? Jesus christ.

We need a new thread for : Shit That Looks Like A Daily Mail Article (But Isn't)

Tess Morgan is a pseudonym

His father asks, "Does it hurt?"

"Yes," I say, cutting across this male bonding. "It does. Very much."

;_;

that was the money line imo

tbh i was ready for the big reveal to be that it was a "MOM" tattoo with a heart around it

inside a goatse.cx

"But what if he wants to be a lawyer?"

"Or an accountant."

Given that he's a student, you can easily tell if he wants to be one of these by finding out if he is studying Law or Accountancy. Given your relationship with him, I would suggest the easiest way to found out would be by writing to the Admissions Department of his FE institution.

i didn't know that stuff about aristocratic tattoos

On day three, still in a fog of misery, I say to him, "Shall we talk?"

We sit down with cups of coffee. I open my mouth to speak and end up crying instead. I say, "You couldn't have done anything to hurt me more."

He is cool and detached. He says, "I think you need to re-examine your prejudices."

lost it here

god that tattoo article might as well be a transcript bw me and my mom regarding any significant life choice I've made in the last 5 years

i didn't know that stuff about aristocratic tattoos

yeah this was kind of rad to learn about!!

unbelievable

tbh i was ready for the big reveal to be that it was a "MOM" tattoo with a heart around it

― ○ (gr8080), Saturday, August 11, 2012 12:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ditto

I'm starting to feel like the Graun played us all, it just seems way too... weird. Like extreme irony.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa2LOMajSwM

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/24/entertainment-us-britain-prince-naked-idUSBRE87L08C20120824

not the reuters hed but the daily mail pictured

(that's the sun, not the mail)

oh right

crosspost that headline to passive aggressive notes

reuters on a roll with this

http://in.reuters.com/article/2012/08/25/us-usa-campaign-deathmetal-idINBRE87O03S20120825

already added to wikipedia's death metal page

idgi

will two live crew also not be performing?

http://www.militarytimes.com/news/2012/08/marine-fired-mattis-quote-tattoo-082712/

Union Pacific Railroad fired conductor Carl Newman of Kansas City, Mo., in 2010 because his tattoo violated the company’s “Violence in the Workplace” policy, according to a complaint filed in federal court Aug. 9.

The words were spoken by Gen. James Mattis, now head of U.S. Central Command, when he led Marines in Iraq in 2003.

Mattis, then a tough-talking major general known as “the Warrior Monk,” commanded 1st Marine Division during the invasion. According to Washington Post reporter Thomas E. Ricks’ book “Fiasco,” Mattis sent his tanks and artillery home after the successful invasion. He met with Iraqi tribal leaders and said, “I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I am pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you f--- with me, I’ll kill you all.”

that reminds me of my modest proposal to make police who shoot people get tear tattoos for each person they kill

http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-me/2012/09/18/convicted-killer-says-hes-too-fat-to-be-executed/

reposting this one from the "most important local news story" thread:

http://djournal.com/view/full_story/20188758/article-Wicks-n-More-consumed-in-fire

http://deadspin.com/5943994/stephen-a-smith-thought-an-article-about-him-in-the-onion-was-real

ok except it's already a very old joke at this point, this has got to be the mother of them all

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8462/8007439788_c8ee71a7de_m.jpg

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390443696604577647870908169992.html

Getting That Justin Vernon Body With Trainer Jeff Rogers

http://www.mtvhive.com/2012/09/24/bon-iver-workout/

haha, the late great, I posted in the Amish thread the Cleveland Plain Dealer headline on that story, which falls just short of all-time greatness:

http://imageshack.us/a/img692/2404/frontpage092112jpgf4ed9.jpg

http://pitchfork.com/news/47960-full-scott-walker-album-details-revealed/

his name was mullet?!?

yeah his name was mullet. that kind of puts it more in mad magazine territory, though they'd probably change it to Potzrebie Mulletski or something.

Buddhist "Iron Man" Found by Nazis Is from Space

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=buddhist-iron-man-found

Bachmann: ‘We Must Ban Falafel’ in School Lunches

http://dailycurrant.com/2012/09/28/bachmann-we-ban-falafel-school-lunches/#.UGXBjenOHSI.facebook

"I have to ask Ms. Bachmann, why is that a problem? I mean some children like the taste of falafel, what's wrong with that?"

"Chris, falafel is a gateway food," responded Bachmann, "It starts with falafel, then the kids move on to shawarma. After a while they say 'hey this tastes good, I wonder what else comes from Arabia?' "

"Before you know it our children are listening to Muslim music, reading the Koran, and plotting attacks against the homeland."

"We need to stop these terror cakes now, before they infiltrate any further."

the daily currant is a shitty onion-style fake-news website

lol now i'm one of those people!

terror cakes is roughly B+ tho

http://www.gameranx.com/updates/id/9639/article/glenn-beck-thinks-eve-online-is-a-front-for-the-cia/

"It starts with falafel, then the kids move on to shawarma."

OTM

Falafel and kebab are totally opposite demographics over here.

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/120927074234-benjamin-netanyahu-bomb-un-horizontal-gallery.jpg

christine lagarde from the IMF threatening argentina with a red card if they don't comply with their orders.

"Argentina is good in football and it certainly understands what we are talking about," said Ms Lagarde.

such condescension! good thing cristina fernandez told her to fuck off.

http://www.startribune.com/local/minneapolis/172500101.html?refer=y

Undisclosed 'concern' has Mpls. South HS in lockdown; police involved

Minneapolis South High School is in a lockdown Wednesday for what officials are calling a “concern in the school community.”

During the lockdown, classes are being conducted as usual, but students will remain in the rooms, the campus was closed during the lunch period and students with an open hour are not allowed to leave the building, said School District spokeswoman Rachel Hicks.

The district has yet to disclose what has prompted the lockdown.

“We are working collaboratively with the Minneapolis Police Department to monitor the concern,” Hicks said in a written statement. “However, we are unable to share details of the concern because of our ongoing investigation.”

Police Sgt. William Palmer confirmed that his department is involved “to a degree,” but he referred questions back to the district.

That would certainly be one of the drier Onion stories.

certainly would.