what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

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I mean, really, "Do me in the ass"?!

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

More importantly, who took home the BEAR from the later MYC FAP? And whose ass is going to be intruded upon in the bear's presence?

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know, I think it would kind of be a turn-on to know one's roommate was ass-fucked on one's couch.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing is, you know Gears! bumsex-demanding flatmate would have got away with it 9 times out of 10. She thought he was out! Don't you all realise the likelihood that this is happening on your couch, when you're out, all the time. Frankly, I accepted the assspunk couch thing some time ago.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

In fact, your roommate is probably up your ass right now.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

It is likely made up or embellished. Gear! was behind those made up Craigslist haikus but whatever. BUTT WHATEVER HAHAHSA OMOM LGOLO

― ASTROG! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Brilliant. I've read every single post on this bitch, back to back to BACK. Just. plain. BRILLIANT.

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean, really, "Do me in the ass"?!

If you can think of a better way of requesting assfucking I'D LIKE TO HEAR IT.

― adam (adam), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"part my meaty hams of love and pound me with your assorted smallgoods"

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:28 (twenty-two years ago)

'how about a little backdoor action?'

'mind shoving your cock up my poopchute?'

'hey rumpranger, hows about a little trip down the hershey highway?'

'damn baby, i can't live another moment without your throbbing wang in my butt'

'fuck my ass, bitch!'

Yeah, okay, I tried. I couldn't think of anything better. Also, allergy meds apparently make me weird. Er.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

that is so beautiful it made me cry, ipso.

xpost
um, luna, you could benefit from some lessons from miss ipso.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, in truth oops, finding ways to ask someone to fuck me in the ass isn't high on my list of things to do. If I want someone to do it, usually I just say 'hey, want to try anal?' or something equally bland.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

what can i say? Sometimes you've got to try a little tenderness.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought anal sex would bring everyone on ILE together, but I was wrong.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't wanna be the "up-the-butt girl!"

― charlotte york (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

now you've made it sound like the evening special at Hardee's, luna.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know what's wrong with you oops, luna's efforts have made me come over all funny/erect.

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:39 (twenty-two years ago)

See? HA.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop that!

― all funny/erect (ktepi), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

stop what?

― fuck my ass, bitch (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

don't stop

― rumpranger, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, not on the couch!

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Why, ya wanna join in Mike? Here, you take this end

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll get the h'our deuvres.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmmff, I've already eaten, thanks db!

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh man. I had to go to a lengthy meeting, then get home, take care of a few things, and now I get to read the rest of the thread.

I am in awe. Just amazing.

The picture of the Weezer and JEW CDs sends everything finally and firmly over the cliff.

Whoever is the first to put all this into a movie/novel/short story that actually gets made/published, you rule. Just credit Gear! properly for sharing this joy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

If this thread was a movie, the twist ending would be where Gear! realizes that the guy having sex with his roommate was actually his imaginary friend/split personality and it was him doing the anal sex on his roomate.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

M. Night Shymalan's "The Couch".

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"Malkovich?"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

'Secret Rear Window'

― chip taylor, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

the Jimmy Eat World acronym assures that this thread will eventually be googled by nazis, at which point we will arrive at the ever-elusive "next level"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd keep an eye out more for the Weezer fans myself. Specifically the ones searching 'Weezer anal' on google.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

No chance that Mr. Trucker Cap isn't in JEW or Weezer?

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear, what a terrifying thought. But I think DB's Beechwood Sparks take is apt.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

David Lynch's Lost Slipcover.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

http://fiction_online.tripod.com/read/nitro/wouldyou1.htm

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank you, Stockholm. Now I feel like Gear did when he posted the Jeff Healey pic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:35 (twenty-two years ago)

It all does sound too perfect dear readers but I assure you the truth is much worse than I can make it out to be! I half-expected my roommate, upon leaving for work, to kick open my door, point a finger at me and cry out "saboteur!", and then flee. however she left quietly while I took a nap and dreamt of more innocent times.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Wise. And you know, El Diablo's first post, right back at the start of the thread, said it all.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Well shes obviously upset.. you denied her anal pleasure.

for shame.. for shame..

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:54 (twenty-two years ago)

When she comes back from work, you'll have to offer to make it up to her.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:55 (twenty-two years ago)

the hat was maroon and said "Old English" on it

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/garethfap/garethhat.jpg

― allyzay, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh DEAR.

Well, that would explain his relative silence.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:05 (twenty-two years ago)

nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:06 (twenty-two years ago)

but he's more of a Blink 182 man

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:06 (twenty-two years ago)

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/garethfap/allyhat.jpg

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:11 (twenty-two years ago)

http://theoriginalsoundtrack.com/ile/geetaedtracer2.jpg

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:16 (twenty-two years ago)

http://pod-135.dolphin-server.co.uk/~gareth/ilx/thepub/harrow3.jpg

i will not rest until every single ILXor has had their picture taken wearing that hat

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear, what a terrifying thought. But I think DB's Beechwood Sparks take is apt.

Naaaaaah. I take it back. No one in the Beachwood Sparks would be caught dead with JEW or Weezer CDs. They'd have to be Flying Burrito Brothers of Dan Fogelberg LPs.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Was the question of her hottness ever answered?

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 00:20 (twenty-two years ago)

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