Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

I am being such a dick on online dating right now. Too many things are red flags to me. Like people liking Dan Brown novels or ANY mention of "Living life to the fullest"

Pass on anyone mention Ayn Rand
Pass on anyone with a photo of them on a mountaintop
Pass on any Geminis, Aquariuses or Leos
Pass on anyone who lists sex as the six things they couldn't live without
Pass on anyone who says "Then it wouldn't be private now, would it?" on the "What's the most private thing you're willing to admit here?"
Pass on anyone who rails on about how they like to be fit and healthy
Pass on anyone who mentions dubstep
Pass on anyone under 30

"everything but country and rap"

rand goes w/o saying but why no mountains?

I'm just back from a date, though it was a queer one (in the antediluvian sense). She was a personage of spectral aspect, a resident of the twin towns of Hadoth and Neb, where madness is whispered to be rife, and incest universal. I could tell she had issues with my choice of restaurant, and certainly it was a dank and foetid establishment, a former priory situated in squamous scrub halfway along the Cthulu turnpike, closed after a series of unfortunate events of which I shall not speak here.

We were the only customers, and found ourselves tended with much suspicion by an eldritch server and his hideously misshapen cat, which gibbered pitifully by the fire, providing the only music in that place. A mournful wind keened around the panes and malign rain hissed on the gambrel as we perused the near-incomprehensible menu, a charnel slab of horse entrails and rotting fungous. She chose the liver, with a side of agar, strepwort, and nightshade. Her conversation was abnormal and seemed to be in some long-banished tongue, and I strained to nod in the right places. My attention, however, inclined increasingly to the disturbing sound emanating from the forest beyond - something blasphemous, like the wailing of a cadaverous choir revived from its eternal sleep. The din rose to a clatter, a howl, a squall. It seems we were surrounded.

Swarthy tentacles slapped against the window, and I saw the hideous eye of some fishy visage glimmering - daemoniac, vile and subhuman in the gibbous moonlight - through the glass, afire with an ambitious loathing. The waiter was wrestling with a cardiac arrest which, by all appearances, was proving fatal to him, while my companion fainted away and the cacophonous cat fled in a panic up the chimney flue, where cruel fingers of flame consumed its fur with a vile stench. The thoughts that swarmed upon me in that moment were uncountable, unnameable and unutterable, but principal amongst them was the conviction that, as first dates go, this one augured only a wretched infinity of pestilence.

sure, but did she live life to the fullest

yeah, can't you meet them halfway? down the mountain?

xpost

Pass on anyone mention Ayn Rand - duh
Pass on anyone with a photo of them on a mountaintop - I view with deep suspicion
Pass on any Geminis, Aquariuses or Leos - ;_;
Pass on anyone who lists sex as the six things they couldn't live without - cosign
Pass on anyone who rails on about how they like to be fit and healthy - JESUS THESE PEOPLE this is why I say right out that I love to smoke.
Pass on anyone who mentions dubstep - hahaha does this happen? People admit this?
Pass on anyone under 30 35

Pass on member of law enforcement or if photo of self in armed forces
Pass on anyone who wears item of clothing with college athletics logo
Pass if in any photos, subject is wearing Tevas (or equivalent)

Pass if any mention of any Mike Patton project under musical preferences

You think you're an asshole? I'm an asshole.

Pass on member of law enforcement or if photo of self in armed forces

i got a really funny message from a cop once. i'll try to find it.

passing on astrological signs is bonkers to me but i don't really believe in astrology

Pass if they send a msg pointing out to you that you LOOKED AT THEIR PROFILE. Or how many times. DUDE, I KNOW I LOOKED AT YOUR PROFILE. I would kind of have to, to find out anything about you. That doesn't mean I'm after your hot bod, army reservist.

I completely believe in astrology. Are you a Capricorn?

aries - but so NOT an aries

though i was recently told that i act like an aries in bed...i don't know if that's good or bad

it seemed intended as a compliment

I think that's a compliment. If they'd said you seemed like a scorpio in bed, though... ;)

what is a taurus like in bed? just out of curiosity

If you tell me when you were born (what time of day) and in what part of the country, I can find out what your moon and rising signs are. Those are hugely indicative of your personality, too.

Zach, I am a Taurus. We're very 'earthy', sensual, tactile...

May 17, 8am, Iowa

they asked if i was scorpio rising!

i have no idea what that means

ZS, you are Gemini rising--it's the sign you immediately seem like to others, it's how you appear outwardly to others.
Your moon sign is Cancer. Your moon sign represents your emotional side and your deepest needs.

makes sense that my emotional needs are cancerous!

Cancer is actually a really romantic, emotional sign. Perhaps prone to slight passive aggressiveness at times...

man i really wanna know my moon sign & all that. i know i could look it up but it's better when you get people telling you. a bunch of people i used to volunteer stuffing condoms into packets with told me everything about being an aries, & being an aries is just generally kinda shitty: you're all stubborn & childish & bullheaded & bratty. just not a good sign. i am holding out some hope moonsigns &c would round this out a lil.

also did anything ever come of that realignment-of-the-zodiac story that happened a year or two back?

yeah i'm totally not aries like in any way (besides the sexy ways); i'm introverted and sensitive and non-confrontational to the max.

This is the thread that I open and read any time I even think about dating again, in order to talk me out of this foolishness - but now it has even succeeded in making me feel shitty just for the time of year I was born at.

;_;

No, Aries is cool. I've dated an Aries before--like Bene, he was pretty crazy in bed. Really intense, interesting, and moody. Just like I like 'em. Also a bit of an attention whore.

I have a planet in Aries (can't remember), and it makes sense. I can be kind of an attention whore at times.

Aries is a good match for some, not for others. Not recommended for a Virgo or a Capricorn.

Schlump, it doesn't matter, because it all has to do with the alignment of the planets at the time of your birth. So unless you were born in 2011, you're still the sign you are.

hello ladies I am a hott dubstep fan who is too busy mountain climbing and playing WoW to figure out my zodiac sign. I play guitar and hang a mean shower curtain. Please message me, have some sweet thighs or a little beer belly maybe both

I told a girl my starsign once, she asked what time of day and where I was born, and then she just looked at me and gave me the side-eye and asked "you aren't bipolar by any chance, are you?" which was just an even worse way to make me feel.

Bah.

I also own records on Hyperdub and have been known to climb Cornish mountains. I'm doomed DOOMED I tell you.

So you're an Aries?
What were your moon and rising signs?

I am a Taurus (Sun) and Virgo (for both Moon and Rising).

i need to ask my mom what time i was born but i don't know if she will remember!

I am a super-Ariesy Aries.

I can't remember the moon/rising but it was something dark and watery like maybe Cancer or something that was the complete polar opposite.

That's called a T-square in astrology. When you have opposing signs in opposing planets. It usually means you struggle a lot but those with it tend to be successful due to the inner conflict they've experienced throughout their lives ('that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger,' etc etc). Most famous and successful people have a T-square in their astrological chart.

So maybe that makes you feel better.

Ha ha thank you, yes. It does.

I have one, too. *ahem*

virgo (sun) with pisces rising, dunno what my moon is, dating a leo on the cusp of cancer

that sounds like a nice balance, actually.

Stable, sensible (Virgo), Emotional depth (Pisces)
Bold, Proud, Attention Seeking (Leo), Introspective, Romantic, Sensitive (Cancer)

hah he is way more cancer than leo

if each sun sign were its own nation i could make a run for President of Virgo

I have no idea what time of day I was born

It should be on your birth certificate, if you still have that.

June 12, 11:05 a.m., Idaho
someone told me once I was a triple Gemini but p sure that's not true

Pass if any mention of any Mike Patton project under musical preferences

― how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Friday, July 6, 2012 5:04 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Actually LOLd at this

xp - it looks like your Sun & Moon are in Gemini, but you have Leo Rising

Schlump, it doesn't matter, because it all has to do with the alignment of the planets at the time of your birth. So unless you were born in 2011, you're still the sign you are.

― homosexual II, Friday, 6 July 2012 22:48 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ty! i was curious about this for awhile, it seemed like a real spanner in the works. am real impressed if they've recalibrated for the new season.

i have a moon sign of cancer, btw, & the personality description is kinda right on. also i feel like the q of what cancers are like in bed is hinted at via the zodiac sign:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gKzxVxK0wRg/Swqq1oXSK0I/AAAAAAAAAes/itlj7YPMwPM/s1600/Cancer.gif