Craigslist hilarity

Kind of a legit ad, imagining really some parody video or something where they need someone who looks like that guy. "can sing like Adam Levine, or are a straight up rock n roll dude" is pretty good though.

http://austin.craigslist.org/roo/3101120915.html

austin craigslist > housing > rooms & shares

$420 420 Alien Chillspot (map)

Date: 2012-06-25, 6:45PM CDT

Reply to: 5rpqk-3101120✧✧✧@h✧✧✧.craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

Dopest chill spot in the ATX lookin for a new homie!!! MUST BE 420 FRIENDLY! House is 4 bedroom. Its me (Tre, cool hombre, mid-twenties, glass blower/dijiridoo expert), Leaf (badd ass chick from Kali, works there during season and chillzzz rest of the year, dreads) and our dog Graffix (irie like Jah) and our kat Jah (also irie). One of the bedrooms u r not allowed to go in EVER!!! Do not ask, pleese.
U should be chill, liad back, e-z going, open minded, relax, drama free, 420 friendly, and down with mellow vibes. We usually kick it pretty chill at the house but sometimes we like to have a few heads over for hash seshes with the "other roomie," Herbie (hes a 4ft bizzzzzzong!) and watch psy-trance videos. House also has a sick backyard for hackey sack, hula hooping, throwing rocks, spinning poi (Leaf and I both spin fire yo!) or just chillaxin' in the hammock.
Hit us up if u think ud be down with are vibes. Big plus if u know about crop circles/UFOs/greys/unexplaind phenommenon. Leaf and I both beleeve, hope u do 2! If you come see the house, pls match a bowl so we can puff a nug.

PS Rent is $445 but other number was more chill for post

First at Elizabeth (google map) (yahoo map)

cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 3101120915

http://images.craigslist.org/5Nf5Ma5Jd3K83L73Mec6p2e52474513f519a0.jpg

Translation: "Hi, we're undercover cops! We gotta arrest someone, anyone this year or we're going to get written up (again) for spending most of the budget on cat food and psy-trance videos."

wow, that is one of the best things i've ever read.

our dog Graffix (irie like Jah) and our kat Jah (also irie).

The original post had two extra attached photos(for completions sake or something):

http://images.craigslist.org/5Id5U65Jf3E53m23Idc6p7579560752b21809.jpg

http://images.craigslist.org/5K55H65S53E83Ga3Mac6p721204a589091ff0.jpg

There's something that so purely says "sophomore year dorm posters" about this that it's almost perfect.

I can't believe people still have "Take me to yout dealer" posters in the year 2012.

Herbie (hes a 4ft bizzzzzzong!)

throwing rocks doesn't sound v chill to me

that image has no expiration date

Hard to pick a favorite line, but:

One of the bedrooms u r not allowed to go in EVER!!! Do not ask, pleese.

http://www.dreadcentral.com/img/news/may08/dlitbb.jpg

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/dmg/3135241814.html

Translation: "Hi, we're undercover cops! We gotta arrest someone, anyone this year or we're going to get written up (again) for spending most of the budget on cat food and psy-trance videos."

http://filmfodder.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/paul-movie-photo-08.jpg

caught!

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/mis/3162948350.html

To The Girls of Echo Park - m4w (El Ay)

Date: 2012-07-25, 3:02PM PDT
Reply to: bgv93-3162948✧✧✧@p✧✧✧.craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧

I used to have crushes on arty girls, like those that are in abundance in Silverlake and Echo Park. Those girls with their slender, tomboyish figures. Until realizing that this subgroup I refer to as "indie kids" are not like the people I met in college at all. It is painful to sit in a coffeeshop and listen to these sorts of people as they continually spout out cliche hipster nonsense that they seem to think is intellectual thought, but isn't. It's like the entire generation that these late-20s, early-30s come from are completely emotionally detached, intellectually stunted, and politically and socially disengaged -- but they somehow remain completely self-absorbed. I mean, self-absorption was once solely the domain of the intellectual and artistic elite -- Einstein and Picasso, for instance -- but has now filtered down to those who don't even have a reason to be self-absorbed. Hell, with the seeming nonexistence of rational thought, pragmatism, emotional maturity, or any sense of the world outside, I'm not even convinced there is a self to be absorbed in.

After seeing places in this world where people live in tin shacks with no electricity or running water and literally eat the sun-baked gravel for survival of the barest degree, I find the lifestyle and values of this group of people reprehensible. And the fact that there are so many publications and facets of the media -- like the LA Weekly, for instance -- that seem to not only cater to this subgroup, but lionize and proselytize about the shitty music and faux-art that they produce must be sure sign of the impending downfall of the U.S., if not the Western world as a whole.

We here have been given everything, there is no excuse for ignorance and apathy. None. Take your shitty music with no balls, your mumblecore films and sub-Warhol pop art bullshit and go back to Oregon, Washington or Minnesota. And tell your hipster douche bag boyfriends to buy a razor, a comb, and some pants that didn't come off the girl's rack - you fucktards. I'll be laughing my ass off when you're working in the mines for your Chinese overlords. Thanks for pissing an entire generation away.

ps i'm wanking as i write this

wow, that really swerves off in a different direction than I expected from the opening line.

^^^ this, totally! And lol at Minnesota being some kind of hipster hotbed to be banished to.

idk, minneapolis, mang

Are you going to be protesting at the Ecuadorian embassy alone?

Well what a coincidence, so am I.

I'm heading there friday evening and staying overnight the whole weekend leading up to Assange's statement on Sunday at 2pm. I don't have any camping equipment so my plan right now is to sleep on the pavement, but if you want to share what you have, I'll be infinitely grateful.

I'm just thinking this would be a great opportunity to get to know a like-minded person of the opposite sex and since I've just moved into London I don't know many people here yet so it'd be nice to meet you this weekend.

Your pic gets mine.

I can't even...

I refuse to believe there are any women in the world so short on sexual options that they would consider a meeting a trustafarian Julian Assange supporter off a casual sex website.

.. send a pic fast enough?

(xpost)

It took me about 20 minutes to realise that ad was not "Are you a female Assange fan? I am too (both female and an Assange fan)" which reduced the creepiness level quite a lot, and in fact would be quite understandable (not wanting to be alone in a protest full of rape culture supporters) - but initially didn't notice and then was deeply perplexed by the "opposite sex" bit at the end.

Like "I am a woman and would like a woman to go with so I'm not alone" is unfortunately a reasonable request. :-(

Not even unfortunate, it's totally reasonable.

As opposed to "you hate rape? Hey, so do I. Let's hookup.."

Are there anti-Assange protestors outside the Ecaudorian embassy as well? Because otherwise that would be a very strange place for such a meeting.

It's unfortunate that women would feel uncomfortable going to a protest unaccompanied.

It's unfortunate that a bunch of Assange fanboys seem to be turning protesting spaces into "get out of rape free zones" but this is the kind of thing I don't feel comfortable discussing on the internet.

Wait, why are they protesting the Ecuadorians? Ecuador gave him asylum! Shouldn't they be protesting at the Swedish Embassy instead?

It depends what they are protesting.

Also, he is there.

They're protesting against the police presence outside the embassy which stops him leaving it.

Ok. Thanks for the clarification.

ditto.

"Looking forward to using your tent"

btw assange protestors at my building this morning, apparently b/c of the british consulate.

"my plan right now is to sleep on the pavement, but if you want to share what you have"

I mean gosh I was just going to sleep on this dirty sidewalk over here, don't worry about me...oh really, wow thanks. Boy even in this tent it sure is cold with no sleeping bag. Too bad there's only one...

http://seattle.craigslist.org/oly/rnr/3221349546.html

I wear tappout shirts punk (what of it punks?)
Date: 2012-08-27, 1:13PM PDT

I am representing my sport and also warning punks to back the fuck off when i am out having a good time I dont want to be messed with. I wont hesitate to get you in a kumora or a figure four or a ankle lock on the bar floor. I am ready to roll 24 7 365 punbks and that is why I wear tapout shirts so I am giving you fair and legal warning so I am not held liable for any brutal beat down or broken or dislocated body parts. I can not be sued if I wear a warning on my shirt. I expect all my students at my Karate school in Graham area to represent by eaither wearing school shirts with dragon logo or a tappout shirt. Now lets be done with this topic I am getting pissed again. Grand Master now meditates.

Location: what of it punks?
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

http://seattle.craigslist.org/oly/rnr/3233251390.html

blackbelt in mma bitches (tap out pass out cry)
Date: 2012-08-27, 1:22PM PDT

I have a black belt in mma and not only wear a tapout shirt, hat with brim sideways I have my scary tribal tattoos to warn all you wannabes to stay the fuck away from me and my mma gang. I run a mma school and have to keep you fans at a distance just like famous actors or famous singers. We are alot alike with you fans always wanting to hang with us, get our autograghs and sometimes stalking us. We cant take chances. We have to put you wannabe fans in your place so you keep back and dont get tapped out. I have had to tap out several mma fans who could not contain themselves while drinking. I am always out in Lacey area after we train and we get messed with often so i wear tapout shirts. What of it? Step into my octogon bitches and you'll get the superman beatdown.

Location: tap out pass out cry
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Thunder Thighs at Mr K's - w4m - 24 (Mr K's)

Date: 2012-08-08, 12:53AM EDT Reply to: z9wkr-3191294✧✧✧@p✧✧✧.craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧

I saw you in the cookbook section of Mr K's. You said you were cooking up a pie for dinner and needed a good recipe. Keep eating those pies, honey. You're beautiful.

Location: Mr K's it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

http://wausau.craigslist.org/mis/3300198869.html

kind of hilarious but also kind of really poignant :~(

I don't get it... He thinks they could be friends, because they bot have... grey cars?

Turns out you get it

Apparently in the year 2216 this is how people decide who to be friends with

Well, it seems like the victim has a grey Dodge Stratus. The post's author may have a grey Chrysler Cirrus or Plymouth Breeze, cars built on the same platform but under different Chrysler different brands.

oh ffs, "victim"

lol

May be truer than you know. There's a kind of "One Hour Photo" vibe along with the hilarity/poignancy.

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/sub/3316315446.html

So apparently I could see Radiohead tonight and end my sex drought all in one go?

http://www.gumtree.com/p/for-sale/2-x-seated-radiohead-tickets--o2-london--tuesday-9th-october--terms-apply-see-description/1001601899

(I dunno... why is this scenario so... oddly unappealing?)

"has been fornicated"