rolling new food laboratory inventions for american chain restaurants thread

^ porn names

and yeah, BK bacon sundae is not super surprising to me. makes sense: further mainstreaming of "yum bacon" meme, sweet + salty has been a food trend for a while. not a bad idea, though i don't trust burger king to do right by it.

http://i.imgur.com/dcnTf.jpg

I've had bacon + ice cream or bacon + chocolate on a few occasions and it's never really been a very successful combination. It's basically just a sweet thing with a few chewy out-of-place bits of bacon floating around.

I saw the P'zolo commercial on TV last night and startled my wife by yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT" at the television

What in the fuck is the purpose of the apostrophe in the P'zone/P'zolo, other than to irritate me? Is there something wrong with "Pizzolo" (the word)? It's not like they're saving any syllables, really,

A made up word can be trademarked.

p'zolo live once thats the motto ni**a zolo

is "pizzone" a word?

http://www.sogoodblog.com/2012/06/08/review-pizza-hut-pzolos/

http://www.sogoodblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/pzolo2.jpg

hahaha "The P'Zolo: Better than a Hot Pocket!"

poo zoos only live once

I have never heard of a poo zoo coming back from the dead so there is that

poo zoo was the first p z combo I thought of, I should've went with the second: pussy zipper

"coprophiliac zoophile" - two words you never want to see together.

pinata zoroaster

Pazuzuzolo

I guess the name was chosen because "p'zolo!" is the sound someone makes when they bite into one and spit it out because it's too hot.

If there was a Klingon Pizza Hut, what would they call these?

pizza vuvuzelas think abt it

so who is gonna be the first one of us to actually eat a p'zolo?

i mean we all know it's gonna be me but i just figured i'd give someone else the opportunity to step up to the plate this time

* steps up to plate, looks at contents of plate, walks away *

The bacon sundae would probably be good if I were really high. The P'zone thing just looks incredibly unappealing and I don't hate Pizza Hut pizza (although it's been about a decade since I've eaten it so maybe it's terrible now).

Here is a blog post criticizing people who are snobs about a BK bacon sundae: http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2012/06/13/154911191/how-we-talk-about-a-bacon-sundae

see if i was really high* i'd prefer something like forty pounds of chewy bread and greasy meat

*sub in "really drunk" here since i don't smoke

this is not a chain restaurant but at the county fair this year you can haz cheezburgers w glazed doughnuts instead of buns, feel like that's probably old hat to people east of the rockies

I've had bacon + ice cream or bacon + chocolate on a few occasions and it's never really been a very successful combination. It's basically just a sweet thing with a few chewy out-of-place bits of bacon floating around.

― "Holy crap," I mutter, as he gently taps my area (silby), Friday, June 15, 2012 2:47 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

yeah this was how I felt about it. I was thinking maybe they could distill bacon and brew their sundae sauce with some bacon juice to get a more even spread of the bacon flavor.

Blame Paula Deen for that one - http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paulas-home-cooking/the-ladys-brunch-burger-recipe/index.html

strongo you oughtta switch

that vosges chocolate w bacon (and other sweet bacon foods) are a gimmick, you could just use sea salt and it'd be the same

attention, this thread is only about american chain restaurants!!!

a p'zone is like a calzone?

http://pizzone.ytmnd.com/

that cat is completely in charge!

o what sad madness the bacon trend hath wrought in its wake

keep hearing the figaro song in my head except it goes P'ZOLO P'ZOLO P'ZOLO

anyway this bacon sundae thing is really gross, the lower classes are so vile

*pops melon wrapped in imported prosciutto into mouth*

P'Zones have been around for more than ten years (they introduced them while I was working my way through CNA school there), did they stop selling them at some point?

nah we're just pretending it's new

no see P'ZOLO see

hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good sandwich tube

http://i.cdn.turner.com/asfix/repository/8a25c3920ef15683010ef214f9770177/thumbnail_14429.jpg

P'ZOLO

p'zolo I luv u

Brittany Faulkner ‏@befaulkner
@K_BO_14 I'm getting a p'zone and Michael's getting a p'zolo (pizza hut). What do you want?
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http://bizarroiloveyou.ytmnd.com/

Max Silvestri
@maxsilvestri 24h

Pizza Hut's is pretty good, but I'll always prefer how my Italian grandmother made Buffalo Chicken P'zolo.

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Really hoping someone does archive all these. I asked over on oreo pizza: WTF if there was a comprehensive history of the pointless novelty pizza, but got nowhere. Where did it all begin? And when will it all end? Pizza is like the ultimate goof-proof junk food meal; it's transparent to everyone involved that these gimmicks are just attention-grabbing marketing hooks as discussed upthread, but since both customers and pizza magnates know it, can't they just, like, stop?

all it takes is one novelty hit like a chicken mcnugget to make it worthwhile.

but that's just a wad of chicken. they don't do anything WEIRD to it, besides the thing they do to make it into a wad.

in addition to being totally disgusting, there’s just something diabolical and cursed about a smoothie being thicker than the thing it gets its primary flavor from :(

I had to look up the review of the Heinz Ketchup Smoothie. It's only got a little ketchup and is mostly berries. I could see it working, just a little ketchup umami tanginess in there

That color in the stock photo image is very misleading

It's only got a little ketchup

You're talking about a smoothie though...

I mean, I have to fan myself when a fellow diner puts ketchup on their eggs, so putting it into a smoothie is a no-can-do for me.

Speaking of chains: https://slate.com/business/2025/08/chilis-menu-restaurants-food-tiktok-red-hot-mozz.html

Speaking of chains: https://slate.com/business/2025/08/chilis-menu-restaurants-food-tiktok-red-hot-mozz.html🕸

I made it halfway through that article before realizing I'd gone out to the shed and was about to douse myself in gasoline.

Don't forget the sizzle sauce!

haha i made it two sentences in before i was like "chains are what would be required for me to give one more moment of my time to this subject and these people"

god i can't believe i used to read slate regularly, i must have been really desperate for something to do.

I haven't eaten at a Chili's since a work happy hour in...2006? As far as low end chains it wasn't terrible at the time.

i'm sure the food is ok to fine, it's just that the whole experience that comes with going to a chili's - navigating an endless parking lot desert punctuated by brand totems as far as the eye can see where signs of positive humanity go to die - is about the last thing on earth i ever want to do these days.

but it's just a preference thing and enjoyers of chains and strip malls are not my enemy

xxxp there's a Salon story up today that has a picture of a high school cafeteria with Jimmy John's and Sonic signs and it really depressed me.

we had a chik-fil-a in mine! i loved it at the time tbr. jimmy john's in any context is pretty dire though imho.

The only time I ate Chik-Fil-A I got so nauseated I threw up a half hour later. I hadn't read the disclaimer: do not feed to gay people.

I can’t think of Chili’s now without remembering two things:
1. The video embedded in this post: https://bsky.app/profile/paleofuture.bsky.social/post/3luynos2mik2w
2. The fact there is a Chili’s a couple blocks from the office my coworkers are at in Hyderabad, India

Is it Chili's or Applebee's where the menus spy on the customers?

https://www.cbsnews.com/sacramento/news/call-kurtis-investigates-are-restaurant-tablets-spying-on-you/

if i went to a restaurant and they tried to make me order with a tablet, or touch a tablet in any way, i would just not do that

What if they made you order with a table?

https://i.imgur.com/U7eAhOQ.jpeg

I kid, but these have gotten to me too — having to lean over to read the small print, seeing my reflection leaning over to read the small print...

Twenty years ago, at an Applebee's out in the Appalachian provinces, my partner was trying to find something without dairy (allergic) and the very sweet waitress was shuttling back and forth to the kitchen to try to figure out options. Ultimately it was determined that, while the vegetables came pre-buttered in a microwavable bag, they could prepare the pasta primavera by rinsing the vegetables under the sink before putting them on the pasta.

https://archive.ph/72j5O

It was April 2022 when a handful of senior employees from the two companies first gathered at Hershey’s headquarters to discuss the idea of a dual-track collaboration.
For Mondelez, the task was creating a double-stuffed Oreo that looked and tasted like the 113-year-old classic, while working in Reese’s trademark peanut butter.
Hershey’s mission was to incorporate Oreo’s signature cocoa-cookie crunch and vanilla creme into its tried-and-true peanut butter cups.
Adding to the challenge: No one would be sharing any recipes.
The blueprints for both Oreos and Reese’s peanut butter cups are closely guarded secrets, and neither company was eager to provide details about its No. 1 product to a competitor. So Hershey and Mondelez had to figure out a way to get their offerings to taste like the others without knowing their rival’s exact formulas.
As the projects got under way, lawyers were called in to draw up contracts and intellectual-property agreements. Terms of the collaboration ultimately included details like how much Oreo will be used in the final Reese’s product.
The companies devised code names to refer to the projects. Mondelez’s was “Project Snoopy,” an homage to the beloved “Peanuts” character. Hershey’s was “Project Powerplay.”

https://i.imgur.com/6LkWbZf.png

“Can I identify the flavor profile of my Oreo in your product? Or is it being overpowered by your peanut butter?”

(Thanks for the link, G.)