people that YELP are scumbags

OMFG! They can't even make oatmeal. It's 7:20 am and I find myself at Scottsdale Road and the 101. My options for a business breakfast range from Chik-Fil-A (NOT!) to the bangladesh Wendy's. The pickings are very slim. If I venture down Scottsdale Road, I am facing not much more, Village Inn? So I hold my breath, bite my tongue and decide if I get the coffee at Starbucks, I can find something benign to order for breakfast. Oatmeal. How can they mess this up? Everyone is making it now. Burger King, Au Bon Pain, even McDonalds found a way to serve oatmeal. Albeit, the McDonald's oatmeal is milky, and has hard apple bits but it resembles oatmeal more than Paradise bakery's. This was a quinoa salad, I am sure it was. It had no resemblance to oatmeal. It tasted more like a cup of couscous or quinoa with cinnamon and obscene pecans dumped on top. Dear Paradise, chop your pecans. Please. I am sure Juan could chop the pecans right before he chops the lettuce. Next, instead of dumping the can of cinnamon on the oatmeal, how about using candied pecans. The crunch and sweetness of the pecans would be the natural sweetness to the oatmeal. Finally, go buy oatmeal, real oatmeal, not couscous or quinoa. This was the worst oatmeal I have ever had, anywhere! You amaze me as to how bad you get every time I make the mistake of visiting. I almost want to make it a challenge. I might start to frequent you more just so I can see how low you can go. Game on!

Is there really not a system on this site for policing people who post offensive racist shit?

okay i'll stop but seriously, THIS FUCKING GUY

I have to find a new friend to go bike (Schwinn, not something cool like a Harley) riding with. This is the second time I have been dragged to a Paradise Bakery at breakfast time. I can't take it anymore. There was a review for another location where the reviewer says it looks when you step in the door that Paradise has promise. That is so true.

WHO IN THE FUCK CAAAAAAAAAAAARES

This is not really a review of Subway, as Subway in itself is disgusting. Why anyone thinks over-processed luncheon meat is good is beyond me. Actually Subway found a way to make things even worse. They used to sell fresh avocado on the sandwich. Now, they use a disgusting, bland green glop that resembles guacamole but tastes worse than Elmer's Glue. Have you ever noticed the odd smell that accompanies a Subway?

Anyway, this review is specifically about this location. To the short, fat ugly employee that works here around noon - lose the attitude. It makes the experience even worse than it is. It is not mine, or anyone else's fault that you look like you do, and the universe has set your employment at a Subway in the heart of ASU. Its not our fault that your days are spent serving some of the hottest girls on the planet while they ignore your questions and continue to text on their iphones. They are busy, planning their photo shoots for Playboy and their weekends in Vegas.

Unfortunately this is where you are at this point in your life, so get over it. Serve the incredibly hot Delta Gamma's and chubby Delta Theta's. Don't put so much mayo on my 6" roast beef and move on. We can make this whole experience so much better without the attitude.

fucking delta thetas

but yes, attitude

i've actually wondered about that place in madison. maybe i'll give it a shot.

Which place, Bellitalia? Yeah, nothing extraordinary, but sort of the only good example of its kind in town and definitely worth a shot.

lol @ l.a. review:

When I leave, and it will be soon, I will NEVER come back. You can keep this shit hole and everything and everyone it contains.

according to his profile, he still lives here.

Maybe LA took him up on the whole "keeping" offer.

"Shithole" is one word, is it not?

according to his profile, he still lives here.

technically, he lives in beverly hills.

The pasta was delicious, the gravy was sweet

First half of an LL Cool J couplet circa 1990?

take you back to the crib girl, tickle your feet

haha yessss

He wrote a bitchy review of a place that sells soaps.

Total hysterics.

One more thought...people traditionally ate things like tripe because they couldn't afford better quality meat. The proper term for tripe is offal...you aren't sophisticated for eating offal, you're over paying for crap. One of the nice things about being a 21st century American is not having to eat garbage like tripe and chitlins. Really - it's not a delicacy.

RAGE

I may not eat offal but I can recognize the madness there

Jesus. Corn, tomatoes, and potatoes used to be thought of as unfit for human consumption, but the world changes FFS.

Not according to paleo diet morons it doesn't.

Putting butter in coffee is a paleo diet thing.

Yeah. I know, right?

Recipe:

Start with 500 ml (2 mugs) of black coffee brewed with mold-free beans (important)
Add 2 Tbs (or more, I prefer 80 grams, about 2/3 of a standard stick of butter) of Kerry Gold or other UNSALTED grass-fed butter
Add 30 grams of MCT oil for max energy, weight loss and brain function (optional if you have none)
Blend with a pre-heated hand blender, Magic Bullet, or (best) counter top blender until there is a creamy head of foam

Mold-free beans? It seems pretty easy to avoid moldy coffee beans...

eating butter in paleo is non standard as its dairy

How about butter that has been fed grass?

ya idk abt that might be some sort of advanced level maneuver

Oh man, I'm sorry, I've gone down the paleo rabbit hole. On a site where people are questioning mold issue, the guy who sells his own brand of "mold-free coffee beans" says:

Am I saying coffee will kill you? Nope. But bad coffee slows you down - a lot - and low toxin coffee speeds you up - a lot.

people still read yelp reviews?

http://cooking.stackexchange.com/questions/19863/are-fungal-toxins-a-significant-problem-in-coffee-and-if-so-can-they-be-avoide

if u dont believe coffee is moldy then u prob have brain fog imho

I'm slowed down - a lot - from my moldy coffee.

Remember guys brain function is optional for drinking this coffee if you have none.

I JUST FIGURED OUT that the (if you have none) was in reference to the MCT oil and not your own commentary about the brain function of paleo diet morons.

Holy shit. Either I really am poisoned by moldy coffee, or that guy is wrong about the benefits of mold-free coffee and MCT oil.

Oh god, MCT oils include coconut oil, so this person is putting butter and coconut oil in coffee.

http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/cat-puke-plate.jpg

This reminds me of a clip on some morning show or local news show I watched in which a model or local beauty queen (I was totally paying attention obv) was talking about her healthy lifestyle, which included cooking with coconut oil and eating a tablespoon of it plain every day. They illustrated the last bit by showing a closeup of her face while she ate a tablespoon of straight up coconut oil and she was trying to keep smiling but seriously looked like she was about to vom. It was hilarious.

moldy coffee beans? this is a thing?

hork hork
hork hork
hork hork
hork

It's a thing to a guy who sells his own brand of mold-free coffee beans and the paleo people who are tired of having all that money in their wallets.

man, why don't I ever have ideas like this, I could own a boat by now

I saw that pic of the cat and thought you guys were talking about that coffee that's been eaten and shit out by feral cats, that super artisan catshit coffee

Well is your wife a doctor... this guy's wife is so he has science behind him and shit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak

my brother is a lawyer, maybe I can get him to draw up contracts where ppl agree I can spend their money and in return they have permission to feel a little bit better about themselves

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f7/Luwak.jpg/200px-Luwak.jpg

sry this isnt a cat

wait what

Civets are also called "toddycats"

I am having a problem wrapping my head around that

coffee made from civet shit is famed for its smoothness? I would think it would be famed for being made out of civet shit

It's famed for being the smoothest coffee gingerly shitted from a civet's distended poopchute.

TS: Bulletproof Exec vs. the Four Hour Body idiot.

the civets eat the fruit but the the beans go through their digestive tract mostly undigested save some chemical reaction that makes them smooth iirc, they wash the shit off before packaging

I heard they don't