slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

These are useful maxims for beginners. They reign in a lot of bad writing, but they are over-taught and they are not the end-all and be-all of rhetoric and style.

Uh, dude...?

We need to somehow steer this thread back towards discussion of the "Butt Drawer" and speculation of contents therein.

cigar box within the butt drawer xzibit recursive

so this is 100% CHEAP FANFICTION

It is OBVIOUSLY TWILIGHT fanfiction if you have read Twilight (sadly, I have)

Anastasia=Bella, Obv
Christian Grey=Edward
Kate Kavanagh=Rosalie
Eliot (Christian's brother)=Emmett
Jose=Jacob
Anastasia drives a blue beetle that her step father gave her=Bella Swan drives a red truck that her dad gave her
Anastasia works at a DIY Home Depot esque store that's family owned=Bella Swan works at a sporting goods store that is family owned
Christian plays piano=Edward Cullen plays piano
The PORN BITS are not at all enthralling. I am a dirty perverted motherfucker and none of this gets my gears cranked. I think this really is for people who have barely had sex before. Or the last time they had sex that was exciting, it was 15 years in the past. I am actually REALLY FUCKING DISAPPOINTED that this is a best seller.

^^^ SOMEONE has not seen the author posing with handcuffs. HANDCUFFS.

I had to stop reading the excellent blog posts Laurel linked because the contents of the actual book was really bumming me out. It's so terrible, you guys.

i have read some bondage fan fiction before (cough) and this seems to be very similar in quality. the only nice thing i can say about it is that it is not designed to be read, but to be skimmed over.

Yeah the bits on that blog left me with a bewildered empty feeling. Like. ok, revoltingly bad writing, shit plot, but on top of that I had no real idea what either character really looked or seemed like, they were just empty wank vessels.

cigar boxes?

deathdrone joek (if that is still meaningless, be very happy)

the conductor on my quiet ride train last friday, shouting at the top of her lungs at a co-worker: "I'ma have a good weekend! I got that 50 Shades of Grey. I'ma take me a bath and read the shit outta that! They tell me it's like Twilight!"

read the shit outta that! classic

So we sold out of the first 2 volumes of this today which meant that every time a customer came to the counter with the 3rd one - 50 Shades Freed- I had to explain that it was the 3rd one. Half the customers were like "oh crap" and then went and chose something else, but the other half were like "Really? Oh well don't suppose it matters" and bought it anyway.

wait, there are three books?

is there actually a continuing plot arc or is it just "here is some more sex, that we had"

1-Grey 2-Darker 3-Freed
I have no idea if there's a continuing plot arc. I imagine so. They're selling like nobody's business.

"Fifty Shades Freed" is such a fucking ridiculous title

especially since Fifty Shades Freed Parts 1 and 2 will prob be #1 at the box office for 4th of july/christmas weekends in 2016

alan freed?

i want you to play my record
there are strings... attached

fifty shades of grey freed from bondage through the healing power of accidentally knocking up his girlfriend

wait guys I have another one

Automatic ugly bump. This buttplug's results are now in (your pooper).

I wrote briefly about all the hacly knock-offs of this already hacky knock-off of a hacky book here: http://causticcovercritic.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/50-shades-of-shamelessness.html

hilarious, great work putting that together

THRE ARE THREE OF THESE BOOKS!? How very VC Andrews.

sometimes a cigar box is just a cigar box

http://www.theawl.com/2012/06/50-shades-of-argh

http://casualhardcore.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/charlie-brown-argh.jpg

Jeez . . . argh!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lypqzV2YFfs

Jeez cried out with a loud voice saying "Argh! Why have you foresaken me?"

honestly I've been cracking up for a couple of weeks over "ARGH, MY HYMEN" but seeing the actual excerpted sentence is even more amazing that I could have imagined

also "Argh . . . jeez!" is a comedy 1-2

(obv y'all know what I meant)

My head is too cloudy, cloudy with issues.

Needs more argh

http://www.regretsy.com/2012/06/05/its-on-like-donkey-kong/

http://static.regretsy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/craigslist3.jpg

50 Levels of Gray

My inner-Princess Toadstool.

Fifty Shades Friedman: Macau Summer

argh it up fuzzball

Angelina Jolie might direct the movie? Nothing about this movie makes any sense.

A friend of mine on Twitter an hour ago: There is a woman here at Laguardia reading a print book, an actual physical copy of 50 Shades of Grey. #what

My work study student has been reading the print copy all week and telling anyone who will listen how great the book is, it's been getting on my nerves.

#argh would have been better

Is it possible to get this movie shot before nobody gices a fuck anymore?

I think I had a dream this morning where I was reading this book for some reason. Or the third book. I think the punch line was that Christian set Anastarghia free because she was now disinhibited enough to write a wonderful book about her experiences and his work on her behalf was done or something. I hope that's not what actually happens in the book.

Also I hate my dreams

i also had a dream about this last night! i was stridently insisting to a pizza hut cashier that 50 shades was better written than twilight and therefore supplanted the original in terms of canonical priority. "it's not edward and bella anymore, it's edward and ana," i told him. then i spilled a soda all over the floor and he refused to clean it up, which i can only conclude is symbolism.

argh, i cried, as my Pepsi trickled across the tiles

if you know what i mean

This book has been slowly gaining momentum around my workplace, so that there are now maybe six or seven women reading it and discussing it loudly throughout the day. Anyway, the other day the subject up for discussion was "Who are you imagining Christian to be?" and most of them had a famous actor or two that they suggested. This one 60-year-old woman takes out her copy of the book, removes a piece of paper from it and shows it around: "This is what I imagine he looks like! I found him in a Bon Ton ad and I said 'IT'S HIM! IT'S CHRISTIAN!' and I had to cut him out! Don't you see!? Isn't it him!?"

"I found him in a Bon Ton ad" is so poignant.

you know what, I'm over Donald Glover as Christian Grey

get Danny Pudi to do it

imo we need to figure out who is the most bland, nondescript actor we can think of