WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT

Hellboy gets his ass kicked a lot tho it seems

hellboy is not satan

Alien, Frankenstein, Dracula, Darth Vader and Gargamel never win. They exist to lose and get burned and have stakes put in them and shit. Furthermore, my experience indicates that Mario and Sonic have to lose a couple hundred times before they manage to win, so long shot at bast. Hobbit, Xena, Jean-Luc, Rocky and Rambo? Please, these are chumps. No cookie. (Unless Rocky is the flying squirrel, which = special case.) Fuck Hulk. Bloated moron. And fuck Wolverine a million times with whatever shit you already fucked Hulk with.

Which leaves Predator, Batman and Hellboy. Predator is just a generic instance of grodymouth space monster, not a specific dude with feelings and history and shit. So no chi, no significance, no reason for victory. Hellboy, on the other hand, is borderline chump, seems to enjoy losing and hobbling around squinty-face afterwards. Why not give him the chance to do what he does best?

That is, BATMAN BATMAN BATMAN!!!

Unless special case, in which case, Rocky the Flying Squirrel kicks Batman's Nazi ass to the moon and back.

Picard is pals with Q, who can fuck shit up for anybody.

Q is horrible geek, plus is not in this fight. Batman is friends with, like, Superman and the New Gods. Everybody gots friends, but Picard is still a chump.

Picard is not friends with that particular Q, by which I mean the one that appears in Star Trek most often. Q might become involved if he could get some entertainment out of it. The other members of the Continuum probably wouldn't lift a finger to help either way.

Hellboy, on the other hand, is borderline chump, seems to enjoy losing and hobbling around squinty-face afterwards. - See, that's just prolonged adolescent angst. When push comes to shove (and it often does), the guy can singlehandedly defeat skyscraper-sized mutant demons, and rip bank vault doors off their hinges and hurl them through concrete. Not to mention that Teh Dark Knight does his fair share of curmudgeonly brooding as well.

hellboy is not satan - Isn't he the son & rightful heir of Satan? That's pretty close to being Satan.

Hellboy is relative of Satan, which probably counts for something. And yes, he's always picking up chunks of castles with which to pulverize horrors, but that just means he's got it easy. I refuse the endorse the horror pounding antics of a phenomenally lucky dimwit, however endearing. I mean, shit, might as well put Goon in the list. Batman, see, Batman is the guy who wins. He has the specific job kicking the ass of the guy who should totally be able to kick his ass. That's like his magic power.

otm

xpost: Just go ahead and arrange the cage match. You know where my money will be.

went with wolverine, i have no idea why

Not really paying much attention to this thread, it comes down to Picard vs Batman for me, b/c with the vast majority of these guys, you just have very physical fighters who don't exactly have the most amount of wit. Even when you get to the level of the more strategic thinker(a middling level of Vader, Predator, Bruce Banner, and MAYBE Rambo but not really), the only two who could outwit the rest would be Batman and Picard.

Then it would go to the 40-yr-old with 8 million weapons on his belt, over the 60-yr-old with a phaser and a pleasing baritone, amirite

but picard is only mid-40s, isn't he? how old are most starfleet captains?

xxpost: Ah, but how expansive and well-equipped is the setting of this event? Will there be the time and the resources to devise a cunning stratagem, especially in the presence, on all sides, of impending deadly force? Are we talking Battle Royale or Bloodsport? Wits will only get you so far if you are staring down a gigantic, feral monster.

I need to get out more. There's no way I should be spending half an hour laughing like a drain at this shit on a Friday night.

Well that's the real trick now, innit. We have two groups of contestants, those who rely on gear:

Predator
Batman
Hellboy (sorta)
The Hobbit (sorta)
Jean-Luc Picard
Darth Vader
Rambo
Gargamel

and those use can use physical force:

Alien
Hulk
Frankenstein
Dracula
Hellboy (sorta)
Wolverine
Sonic the hedgehog
Super mario
The Hobbit (sorta)
Xena (sorta?)
Rocky

And it would all come down to the specifications of the contest. Do we allow them to have starships? Supply them all with stock/standard-issue imperial blasters or phaser rifles?

(xxxpost) Picard is supposedly 59 in the first episode of ST:TNG

xpost: I think Mario relies on gear, if hammer bros. suits, P wings, mushrooms & the like qualify as "gear." Actually, now that I think about it, given an invincibility star, Mario could just stroll right through the whole bunch and claim the prize. If I hadn't already voted, I'd go with Mario under these circumstances.

I think that Mario does rely on gear, his only real physical skill (that doesn't require a power up of any kind) is his jumping ability. Also I think that Bilbo more or less entirely relies on gear, specifically the Ring.

entrants should be limited to whatever items would come with their corresponding toy action figure

in which case vader still wins

We need a 2nd batch of contestants, to go against the victor of this one, NCAA-style.

Suggestions, some of which are taken from this thread: Kirby, Cybermen, Captain Crunch, Judge Dredd, Genghis Kahn, Khan Noonien Singh, Captain Power, a platoon of Nazi soldiers, a giant squid, Daleks, the Staypuft Marshmellow Man, the Prisoner, Alexander the Great, Ganon, M. Bison, Viktor Von Doom

So, what? Bilbo would just hide in a corner from everyone else? That ain't fightin'

oh and a zombie great whale

and Bruce Lee

All respects to Montalban, but Khan doesn't have the tactical experience to beat any of the strategic/tactical thinkers.

Rayden from Mortal Kombat!

KIRK
He won't break off now. If he
followed me this far he'll be back.
But from where...?

SPOCK
He's intelligent, but not experienced.
His pattern indicates two dimensional
thinking...

KIRK
Z minus ten thousand meters

To be fair, Khan's only prior experience of space combat was playing Blasteroids...

And that shot of Sulu controlling the Enterprise with a row of mixing desk faders is classic and needs to be used somewhere.

a giant squid

now if this was the Despair Squid from Red Dwarf, you might be onto something...

Predator is just a generic instance of grodymouth space monster, not a specific dude with feelings and history and shit.

voting for 'brains' v. not knowing what you're talking about

one of the more highly anticipated poll results in some time.

at least for me anyways

How about The Blob. Can The Blob be a contender? I'd like to see all these fancy heroes and villians try to go about thwarting each other with The Blob getting all up in their shit.

xp it's one of my birthday presents!

Yeah, I was going to say, even the first Predator movie grants it with a sort of nobility and inner life and most definitely feelings; it laughs as it blows itself up and Arnold sheds a tear at the end over its loss.

haha kingfish I already have a shortlist of round 2 contenders to fight the winner of this

if anyone tries to start a round 2 poll before me I will kill them

in a fight

Make sure to include The Blob.

purple blob or black/white blob?

I suggest Sayid Jarrah.

xpost - why not both?

One thing's bothering me : in the melee scenario, what would happen? Well, initially everyone would pair up with someone they think they could beat one-on-one. Knowing the qualities of each fighter as we do, who would choose who? This would have a massive impact on the result. If, say, Hulk and Hellboy duke it out from the off it clears the field for someone to have a pop at the winner (maybe even while they're fighting). Too many variables innit?

No, I mean sure, predator is a person , I won't deny that. But he's not a hero, or even a protagonist. Who killed predator's parents at a showing of Zorro? Where do we find his faithful manservant and loyal young love pump? Shit, dude, it's not even the same predator in all the movies, so you might as well say "a predator". His name isn't even capitalized, how the fuck is he supposed to beat Batman (note capitalization), or even a handicapable loser like Vader? Predator is cannon fodder, the more-or-less faceless rep of an all-too-defeatable species. It's like having "lion" in the contest, or "giant ape that isn't actually King Kong".

Hulk can not harmed. Never tires. Has no limit to his strength or power. To kill him you would need to annihilate his existence from space & time.

Think Hellboy could manage this.

any Predator or Yautja or whatever is still gonna be the 5th or 6th hottest combatant here on paper

His name isn't even capitalized, how the fuck is he supposed to beat Batman (note capitalization)

So that's e e cummings out of the running.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Hulk can not harmed. Never tires. Has no limit to his strength or power. To kill him you would need to annihilate his existence from space & time. Batman is the only one capable of thinking and fighting the Hulk on level of defeating him.

See, thing is, Hulk has been around long enough for retards to have though of all kinds of retarded shit to have him do. But none of that counts. Hulk is Bruce Banner until Bruce gets angry, then he becomes this insane, basically invulnerable monster until he calms back down. That it. He can't "see enemies on the (fucking) astral plane" or think properly in Hulk form or any of that geeked-out nonsense. He just Hulks around for a while and distresses the furniture until the mood passes, and then he has a nap. Everybody knows this, and everybody is right.

So all you have to do to take out the Hulk is to talk him down and then drop a brick Dr. Banner. Half the dudes in the list could accomplish the task.