what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

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???

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Mack Truck (for Doggy-style)

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

This has been running through my head for the last hour:

We've been here too long
Tryin' to get along
Pretendin' that you're oh so shy
I'm a natural ma'am
Doin' all I can
My temperature is runnin' high

Cry at night
No one in sight
An' we got so much to share
Talking's fine
If you got the time
But I ain't got the time to spare
Yeah

Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Every girl an' boy
Needs a little joy
All you do is sit an' stare
Beggin' on my knees
Baby, won't you please
Run your fingers through my hair

My, my, my
Whiskey and rye
Don't it make you feel so fine
Right or wrong
Don't it turn you on
Can't you see we're wastin' time, yeah

Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmm. Which one of us took the hat home that night?

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to have a peterbilt belt buckle. But my dad owned a peterbilt truck SO IT WAS ACCEPTABLE.

― mandee, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

"BJ and the Bear"

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:07 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is the most all-ILXors together thread ever! It's like we've ALL had anal sex with EVERYONE on this bitch!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

50 cents says this whole thing is MADE UP

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Mandee, you should go on AIM. I am bored. Also, I love your dad.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Is anyone else doubting that this actually took place? I mean, everything is just *too* perfect. Gear, I don't know if I respect you more or less if you're making it up...

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

x-post with Jody

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean, really, "Do me in the ass"?!

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

More importantly, who took home the BEAR from the later MYC FAP? And whose ass is going to be intruded upon in the bear's presence?

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know, I think it would kind of be a turn-on to know one's roommate was ass-fucked on one's couch.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing is, you know Gears! bumsex-demanding flatmate would have got away with it 9 times out of 10. She thought he was out! Don't you all realise the likelihood that this is happening on your couch, when you're out, all the time. Frankly, I accepted the assspunk couch thing some time ago.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

In fact, your roommate is probably up your ass right now.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

It is likely made up or embellished. Gear! was behind those made up Craigslist haikus but whatever. BUTT WHATEVER HAHAHSA OMOM LGOLO

― ASTROG! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Brilliant. I've read every single post on this bitch, back to back to BACK. Just. plain. BRILLIANT.

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean, really, "Do me in the ass"?!

If you can think of a better way of requesting assfucking I'D LIKE TO HEAR IT.

― adam (adam), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"part my meaty hams of love and pound me with your assorted smallgoods"

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:28 (twenty-two years ago)

'how about a little backdoor action?'

'mind shoving your cock up my poopchute?'

'hey rumpranger, hows about a little trip down the hershey highway?'

'damn baby, i can't live another moment without your throbbing wang in my butt'

'fuck my ass, bitch!'

Yeah, okay, I tried. I couldn't think of anything better. Also, allergy meds apparently make me weird. Er.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

that is so beautiful it made me cry, ipso.

xpost
um, luna, you could benefit from some lessons from miss ipso.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, in truth oops, finding ways to ask someone to fuck me in the ass isn't high on my list of things to do. If I want someone to do it, usually I just say 'hey, want to try anal?' or something equally bland.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

what can i say? Sometimes you've got to try a little tenderness.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought anal sex would bring everyone on ILE together, but I was wrong.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't wanna be the "up-the-butt girl!"

― charlotte york (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

now you've made it sound like the evening special at Hardee's, luna.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know what's wrong with you oops, luna's efforts have made me come over all funny/erect.

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:39 (twenty-two years ago)

See? HA.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop that!

― all funny/erect (ktepi), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

stop what?

― fuck my ass, bitch (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

don't stop

― rumpranger, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, not on the couch!

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Why, ya wanna join in Mike? Here, you take this end

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll get the h'our deuvres.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmmff, I've already eaten, thanks db!

― ..., Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh man. I had to go to a lengthy meeting, then get home, take care of a few things, and now I get to read the rest of the thread.

I am in awe. Just amazing.

The picture of the Weezer and JEW CDs sends everything finally and firmly over the cliff.

Whoever is the first to put all this into a movie/novel/short story that actually gets made/published, you rule. Just credit Gear! properly for sharing this joy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

If this thread was a movie, the twist ending would be where Gear! realizes that the guy having sex with his roommate was actually his imaginary friend/split personality and it was him doing the anal sex on his roomate.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

M. Night Shymalan's "The Couch".

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"Malkovich?"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

'Secret Rear Window'

― chip taylor, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

the Jimmy Eat World acronym assures that this thread will eventually be googled by nazis, at which point we will arrive at the ever-elusive "next level"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd keep an eye out more for the Weezer fans myself. Specifically the ones searching 'Weezer anal' on google.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

No chance that Mr. Trucker Cap isn't in JEW or Weezer?

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear, what a terrifying thought. But I think DB's Beechwood Sparks take is apt.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

David Lynch's Lost Slipcover.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

http://fiction_online.tripod.com/read/nitro/wouldyou1.htm

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank you, Stockholm. Now I feel like Gear did when he posted the Jeff Healey pic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:35 (twenty-two years ago)

It all does sound too perfect dear readers but I assure you the truth is much worse than I can make it out to be! I half-expected my roommate, upon leaving for work, to kick open my door, point a finger at me and cry out "saboteur!", and then flee. however she left quietly while I took a nap and dreamt of more innocent times.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Wise. And you know, El Diablo's first post, right back at the start of the thread, said it all.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

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