slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

"Remove yourself Sirrah, the wench belongs to me;"

AMAZING.

Are you guys unfamiliar with romance novels?

u bet yr ass.

I might read this if it was written in the style of Penthouse Forum letters, better yet if G Gottfried did the audiobook.

The lead character sounds like the mom form Bobby's World.

Oh jeez is so midwestern, it reminds me of these guys:

http://www.totalpackers.com/images/dabears.jpg

I wasn't kidding about my wife's fb feed being full of mothers in their 30s going on about this book & the ensuing fuckfests with their astonished hubbies.

Times like these make me so happy I don't have a fb account.

man i need to step up my oversharing game. i mean, just b/c i haven't been gettin' any lately doesn't mean that there haven't been some... ~personal fireworks~ that i'm guessing my fb brethren would just love to hear more about

"Oh laws yes" she murmured as he harvested her cornfield

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW-4Fn-d9OY

loool, bathtub mom hahah

"You're darn tootin'!" she exclaimed as he thrust into her womanhood.

"Boy howdy!"

“That’s right, baby,” he rasps as he put a boner.

"Rasps" makes me hear a Moe from the Simpsons type voice.

"That's right baby!"

"You'll feel this one right in ya hoo-hah, baby" (in Moe voice)

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/the-15-bestworst-lines-from-erotic-bestseller-fif

holy lol

salsa/meringue line ftw

it was a dark and stormy genitals.

this is just killing me

lol @ stock photos!!!

"but holy hell is this erotic"

goly gee am I ever turned on right now

"inner goddess"

kudos to remy for this thread title btw, i've been giggling at it all day

I never before imagined women having inner goddesses that danced on clouds during S&M role play. I have learned something about women today.

we are apparently very mundane, erotic beings

"i stiffen"

"I'd like to bite that lip," he whispers darkly...

oh does he now

i.p. stiffenbacher

Cheese and crackers, this is erotic!

#9 sounds like some kind of stomach flu

My inner goddess has explosive diarrhea.

Could you put some music on, please?”
“Certainly, ma’am. What would you like to hear?”
“Something soothing.”
I see a smile play on Taylor’s lips as our eyes meet briefly again in the mirror.
“Yes, ma’am.”
He pushes a few buttons on the steering wheel, and the gentle strains of Pachelbel’s canon fills the space between us.

you guys have clearly not read the romance writer's phrasebook as extensively as i have

I want to madlib all these so bad

and I've been thinking of you LL this whole time, you are QUEEN of this <3

just sayin

the romance writer's phrasebook

that was a great thread btw

i've made a bunch more
in fact, i haven't even made it past chapter 6/12 on tumblr

“When did you start your period, Isabella?” he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.

“Err... yesterday,” I mumble in my highly aroused state.

“Good.”

He releases me and turns me around.

“Hold on to the sink,” he orders and pulls my hips back again, like he did in the playroom so I’m bending down. He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And gently but firmly tugs my tampon out… Holy Fuck… and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Sweet mother of all… Jeez… And then he’s inside me… ah!

Blue string...sounds pretty fancy.

abysmal

sorry, "ugh"

...what!

jeez

cheese and rice!
gosh!

argh

dear publishing industry, please don't crap out before i finish my sexy french resistance fighters vs. vampire zombie hitler youth erotic thriller trilogy. thanks.

Forever Young Adult reviews 50 Shades of Grey

this book is actually worse than VC Andrews' novels

First of all, James falls victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is "never enter into a land war in Asia," but only slightly less-well-known is this: Never write erotica if your main character can't say the word 'vagina!'"

"Heavens!:)", I gush. xxxp

"Damn!," I burst.

"I am seeing red," he utters sternly.