slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

Gor blimey

xpost

"Now that's different!" I gasp, as he turns me around and pulls back my hips.

― i love the large auns pictures! (Phil D.), Tuesday, May 22, 2012 2:34 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lawl

oh, Eye of Argon.

"You make love well wench," Admitted Grignr as he reached for the vessel of potent wine his charge had been quaffing.

A flying foot caught the mug Grignr had taken hold of, sending its blood red contents sloshing over a flickering crescent; leashing tongues of bright orange flame to the foot trodden floor.

"Remove yourself Sirrah, the wench belongs to me;" Blabbered a drunken soldier, too far consumed by the influences of his virile brew to take note of the superior size of his adversary.

Grignr lithly bounded from the startled female, his face lit up to an ashen red ferocity, and eyes locked in a searing feral blaze toward the swaying soldier.

"To hell with you, braggard!" Bellowed the angered Ecordian, as he hefted his finely honed broad sword.

nugs vs raspin vs grindage.

romance novels are nothing new, i think this one is only remarkable because 1. it's a breakout hit of self-publishing, 2. it had a built in niche audience appeal due to its origin as twilight fan-fiction, and 3. it is kinkier than most examples of the genre?

"Remove yourself Sirrah, the wench belongs to me;"

AMAZING.

Are you guys unfamiliar with romance novels?

u bet yr ass.

I might read this if it was written in the style of Penthouse Forum letters, better yet if G Gottfried did the audiobook.

The lead character sounds like the mom form Bobby's World.

Oh jeez is so midwestern, it reminds me of these guys:

http://www.totalpackers.com/images/dabears.jpg

I wasn't kidding about my wife's fb feed being full of mothers in their 30s going on about this book & the ensuing fuckfests with their astonished hubbies.

Times like these make me so happy I don't have a fb account.

man i need to step up my oversharing game. i mean, just b/c i haven't been gettin' any lately doesn't mean that there haven't been some... ~personal fireworks~ that i'm guessing my fb brethren would just love to hear more about

"Oh laws yes" she murmured as he harvested her cornfield

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW-4Fn-d9OY

loool, bathtub mom hahah

"You're darn tootin'!" she exclaimed as he thrust into her womanhood.

"Boy howdy!"

“That’s right, baby,” he rasps as he put a boner.

"Rasps" makes me hear a Moe from the Simpsons type voice.

"That's right baby!"

"You'll feel this one right in ya hoo-hah, baby" (in Moe voice)

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/the-15-bestworst-lines-from-erotic-bestseller-fif

holy lol

salsa/meringue line ftw

it was a dark and stormy genitals.

this is just killing me

lol @ stock photos!!!

"but holy hell is this erotic"

goly gee am I ever turned on right now

"inner goddess"

kudos to remy for this thread title btw, i've been giggling at it all day

I never before imagined women having inner goddesses that danced on clouds during S&M role play. I have learned something about women today.

we are apparently very mundane, erotic beings

"i stiffen"

"I'd like to bite that lip," he whispers darkly...

oh does he now

i.p. stiffenbacher

Cheese and crackers, this is erotic!

#9 sounds like some kind of stomach flu

My inner goddess has explosive diarrhea.

Could you put some music on, please?”
“Certainly, ma’am. What would you like to hear?”
“Something soothing.”
I see a smile play on Taylor’s lips as our eyes meet briefly again in the mirror.
“Yes, ma’am.”
He pushes a few buttons on the steering wheel, and the gentle strains of Pachelbel’s canon fills the space between us.

you guys have clearly not read the romance writer's phrasebook as extensively as i have

I want to madlib all these so bad

and I've been thinking of you LL this whole time, you are QUEEN of this <3

just sayin

the romance writer's phrasebook

that was a great thread btw

i've made a bunch more
in fact, i haven't even made it past chapter 6/12 on tumblr

“When did you start your period, Isabella?” he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.

“Err... yesterday,” I mumble in my highly aroused state.

“Good.”

He releases me and turns me around.

“Hold on to the sink,” he orders and pulls my hips back again, like he did in the playroom so I’m bending down. He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And gently but firmly tugs my tampon out… Holy Fuck… and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Sweet mother of all… Jeez… And then he’s inside me… ah!

Blue string...sounds pretty fancy.

abysmal

sorry, "ugh"

...what!

jeez

cheese and rice!
gosh!

argh