Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Question: how many of you react positively to a "warts and all" type of profile?

I used to be sort of like that, like, "If they know this, and they still like me, there must be something to it, right?" but that turned out not to be true, it didn't make my dating experiences any better because I was still bringing my own problems to them, and I saw and met more people who had done the same, and eventually I decided that I think it's defensive in a...teenaged sort of way? I don't know. I still have the urge sometimes to put my negatives out in front but I try to refrain.

Sometimes also people use it as absolution from doing anything about their problems, like "Hey, I warned you!" which is obvly nagl.

nice, curmudgeon!
http://i.imgur.com/y2EMM.gif

agree with Laurel, seems like pre-emptive self-sabotage. everyone's got baggage.

wait so bnw are you not going to call/txt the person you went out with because you think you might be rejected? but you like her? and the only thing up in the air is that you don't know how she'll respond even tho you had a good time on the date?

i feel like you just gotta go with the flow, if you think you had a great time and had positive vibes, text the next day or whatever ... feel like the "IF date sat THEN text tues" mindset leads to overthinking and stilted-ness

well that would be the ideal, yes

if we all actually did what we really wanted to do w/o fear and other bs

he called :)

huge! :)

Awesome rrrobyn.

Question: how many of you react positively to a "warts and all" type of profile? Not all sad sack-y and FML, but just "here's an honest assessment of who I am".... And maybe they are that together, but I'm always more drawn to the people who are all, "here's some of the shit that makes me a little bit more of a handful, take it or leave it

I love it when other people do this, both in profiles and IRL. Fuck artifice and negotiation - cards on the table IMO.

(though i've made the mistake of highlighting my "warts" and worse, of spending too much time w/ some astounding messes b/c i appreciated their candor)

i think that if you have an inclination to post a warts and all profile, and that reflects who you are in real life, then you just post it! it might not appeal to some people, but those might be the kind of people you wouldn't work well with in the first place. so you may as well weed them out!

personally, though, i like to hold many secrets and then sorely disappoint people a few years into the relationship with my true self

^^^my man

wait so bnw are you not going to call/txt the person you went out with because you think you might be rejected? but you like her? and the only thing up in the air is that you don't know how she'll respond even tho you had a good time on the date?

― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 15, 2012 10:30 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah if this was me i would walk into traffic. so no, not my plan.

I don't highlight my warts because I am absolutely perfect in every way

lol ZS

I don't mind those types of profiles, though - the ones that absolutely gross me out are the slightly misogynistic ones that moan about how shitty women are to deal with (GOD, DO ANY WOMEN ANSWER ANY MESSAGES ON THIS SITE!? - etc)

Its frustrating when you mention things you do/are on a profile and then date someone who doesnt like it (smoking is the example here), says "but thats ok thohgh", knows you smoke, then 6 months later whinges about it being unbearable. Fuck off, you knew I smoked, why'd you go out with me if it was such a big issue? Grrr. Thats happened to me more than once.

they thought u were perfect in every other way and hoped to change u?

I don't mind those types of profiles, though - the ones that absolutely gross me out are the slightly misogynistic ones that moan about how shitty women are to deal with (GOD, DO ANY WOMEN ANSWER ANY MESSAGES ON THIS SITE!? - etc)

Ugh, yes.

I hate gay guys' profiles where they gripe about how gay guys suck, especially the anti-femmes ones ("if I wanted a woman [or "bitch"], I'd date a woman" and "I want a man who acts like a MAN") or the classic "why are homos nuts?" ones. Please, get to Exodus Int'l ASAP!!

I hate the people who say how awesome and happy and well adjusted and successful they are. Such bores.

Bnw, did you call/text yet? Walk into the traffic!

Yeah, I mean, far too often I've hit a brick wall because I failed to live up to someone's idealized notion of me or because they were unable to change stuff they knew about from the get go. Like, I'm pretty honest and open about stuff! It shouldn't be that confusing when I'm the person I told you I was!

My thinking has gone back and forth wrt the brutal (but tactful) honesty in online profiles, but I do tend towards it if only because it saves a lot of hassle to get potential dealbreaker-y stuff out of the way asap. And, yeah, if someone sees that stuff and decides not to contact me because of it, that saves us all time and energy! Everybody wins!

I hate the people who say how awesome and happy and well adjusted and successful they are. Such bores.

I don't know that I'd go that far...but yeah, this kinda informs my tendency towards honesty. I'm always like, can all of these seemingly well-adjusted people really be that well-adjusted? And I see the profiles of some people I've dated and I'm like, it's very possible that these people really aren't as well-adjusted as they would like other people to think.

All the guys I look up are all "bla bla travel a lot bla bla probably gonna move back overseas this year" so its like "why the hell are you looking for dates in melb when you wont be here in six months ugh"

Can you tell Im really fed up with OKC lately lol :( #missno-dates

These days, I mostly just make minor adjustments to my profile now and then on the off chance that even the smallest sliver of my interest in dating resurfaces at some point. I anticipate that it probably will? Eventually?

You can date someone for six months, I guess? Sometimes people have a similar sort of circumstance and could date under those terms, I guess.

"why the hell are you looking for dates in melb when you wont be here in six months ugh"

because you're in Melbourne for the next six months, would be my guess

I am so glad that is not yr plan bnw!!
xps

the ones that absolutely gross me out are the slightly misogynistic ones that moan about how shitty women are to deal with

Oh yeah, I saw one that was pretty "down to earth" in most respects, maybe not too bright but at least a bro (in the good way), and then he said, "And don't be one of those women who needs a three-ring circus and a marching band in order to come" and my brain went DELETE.

I was expecting that to end with ".. in a drama-filled relationship" and then I read the actual end of it and my brain exploded

OMG. I didn't know that was even an option; if I join again I will specify this as my preferred need.

because you're in Melbourne for the next six months, would be my guess

Well yeah thats fair. I guess I should point out the obvious that I'm hoping for something more long term, which obviously not everyone is, I suppose.

kind of tempted to make a profile and put "I'm in town until next Tuesday" but specify I am not interested in casual sex

LTR only, of course.

I saw one that was pretty "down to earth" in most respects, maybe not too bright but at least a bro (in the good way), and then he said, "And don't be one of those women who needs a three-ring circus and a marching band in order to come"

dear god

tbf i feel a little bit better now

Is it common for gross, PUA-ish dudes to come on all vaguely "he-man woman hater"-y on OKC? That would help selective and intelligent women to weed out some of the garbage, I'd think.

that fucking guy!

lol, mh

I had a fun conversation with two female friends who said it's gross to have "casual sex" as an interest and people would not message you. Then I kind of walked through their relationship ideas and figured out that they'd definitely want sex somewhat early in a relationship, within the first fourish dates/couple weeks, which they'd define as casual sex.

I mean, I get where we were coming from, but I still loled

My position on this is that everyone on OKC is interested in casual sex, hence it is gauche to come right out and say it. I don't know, perhaps I am a romantic?

I feel like casual sex in implied in a dating site . . . you don't really need to go any further in your specs.

Yeah, that's kinda OTM. Particularly if, as a guy, you're at all sensitive to how gross a lot of dudes are about stuff like that. It's probably fair to assume that it's on the table (unless specifically stated otherwise), but if a dude has that as a preference, it's a good bet that's all he's after.

Nah see to me saying "casual sex" on OKC has a very specific tone/point. Its not qiute like my aforementioned "hook up right away" kinda deal, its more an explicit "I am trawling this site specifically for a shag and NOT a partner". Which is quite different. I mean its a shave off solicitation to be honest. Which, ew.

Yup, which is entertaining in its own way, and I agree, but still pretty funny.

I wonder if there will ever be a feasible casual sex site for straights? One that wouldn't be creepy men grossing out women. Or is there? I don't know of any straight or bi, *blatantly* hook-up-focused sites on par w/ Manhunt (or Dudesnude, Adam4Adam, Craiglist, etc.).

lol adultfriendfinder? But as far as I've heard or know, it's not really a thing that happens. I don't know if it's a difference between the inherent/socially-prescribed way men and women interact, or if it's just part of this semi-formal dance of lack of acknowledgment where people *do* want casual sex but the way to do it is to be glancing around a bar at last call

"do you like learning from and teach1ng those around you?" barf. i wasn't gonna mock him here but then he listed ayn rand as one of his favorites so i feel like he's fair game.

List Ayn Rand as a fave decision tree:
Do they seem youngish, and perhaps they will know better at some point?
Y -> Continue
N -> Jump to 1
Do they have other interests that are decent, and seem to have reasonable politics otherwise?
N -> Reject
Y -> Continue
Was this actually part of a trend of idealistic naivete?
Y -> Reject
N -> Under consideration

1. Is there a weird extenuating circumstance where they might not get the implications of listing Rand?
Y -> This is an architect, proceed with caution
N -> Reject

Ha. Pretty OTM.

I wonder if there will ever be a feasible casual sex site for straights? One that wouldn't be creepy men grossing out women. Or is there? I don't know of any straight or bi, *blatantly* hook-up-focused sites on par w/ Manhunt (or Dudesnude, Adam4Adam, Craiglist, etc.).

a lot of my straight female friends looking for casual sex go the craigslist route. but the creepy dudes sending dick pix quotient is apparently very high.

I've wondered about the M4F part of Craigslist. I figured it was mostly horny regular guys with a few female meth heads and escorts.

I started chatting with a dude on OkCupid tonight who seemed smart, interesting, funny, etc - and then he decided to try and sexy talk me and get all dom. Mega turn off.

i have a good male friend who, last week, had sex on the first date with his female OKC partner about an hour after they met. Both of their profiles seemed like they were up for it and she wanted to meet around 10pm on a thursday at a bar near his house so signs pointed to yes, he asked and they did. So that stuff does happen.