Conservapedia - An encyclopedia you can trust

So God created gigantic crocodile-like creatures, and made the waters teem with every moving creature after its kind, and every winged bird after its kind. God deemed this good.

I feel like something is lost in translation.

god deemed this wicked sick

http://conservapedia.com/Evolutionists_who_have_had_problems_with_being_overweight_and/or_obese

lolomgwtf

Also:

Considering his major themes, Shakespeare is undoubtedly a conservative figure by today's standards. Major conservative themes in his works include the sacred nature of the familial structure in King Lear, the recognition of God in his plays and personal life, the existence of necessary war in The Famous Life of King Henry V, and the exposed injustice of taxation in Coriolanus. Not surprisingly, modern liberal literary critics often ignore these themes because of their place on the modern political spectrum.

"As of May 2011, Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris have not publicly commented on the significant problems the New Atheism leadership has experienced in terms of overweight members."

Conservative Bible isn't very conservative with it's exclamation points.

Tribalism rarely gets painted in such bright bold colors

This shit always makes me think of this:

Mayor Quimby, you're well-known, sir, for your lenient stance on
crime. But suppose for a second that _your_ house was ransacked
by thugs, _your_ family tied up in the basement with socks in
their mouths, you try to open the door but there's too much
_blood_ on the knob --
Quimby: What is your question?
Barlow: My question is about the budget, sir.

conservapvmic

Mystery:Why would a loving God send people to hell for eternity?
Mystery:Young Hollywood Breast Cancer Victims
Mystery:why do capacitors fail on motherboards, but less so on power supplies?

No mystery too esoteric or controversial for these fearless investigators.

Sin is a crime of infinite intensity. That’s why the sinner must go to hell forever. It is such an aggravated crime that it can never be paid for. Sin is an infinite crime demanding infinite punishment from an infinite Holy God who has been infinitely insulted by our infinite crime and rebellion against Him, and what all this actually displays is His infinite love for humanity and his infinite hatred against sin.

i'm actually learning here. (learning how much of an infinite dick these people's god is.)

Debate:Listing the Earth's most pressing needs in urgent order of fixing

1) preventing gay marriage 2) preventing abortion 3) putting the 10 commandments in schools 4) convincing the global scientific community that evolution is false 5) defeating terrorism indefinitely and continuously 6) stopping liberals 7) keeping guns 8) stopping socialised health care 9) preventing environmentalist lies from damaging America's economy 10) making the speed of light more scriptural 11) abolishing public education 12) promoting conservative facts

This has to be a poll. That 10 will win in a landslide.

This has to be a poll. That 10 will win in a landslide.

would vote.

The term "eternity" rarely occurs in the Old Testament, and when it does occur it does not have the modern sense.

The Greek words for eternity, "aion" and "aionios", lack the full Christian meaning also.[1]

Jesus and his disciples mention "eternity" nearly 70 times in the New Testament. Was this a new concept that originated with Christianity?

Yes, let's just ignore the far older Egyptian & Occidental traditions. So this concept that we are defining solely according Christianity - did it originate with Christianity?

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Monday, May 14, 2012 12:15 AM (11 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Also that Jesus the New Testament was written in Greek (as [1] points out), making the third statement nonsense. The page was created by Schafly, of course.

Also that Jesus

These guys are great examples of what Frank Schaeffer talks about Jesus victims and how the children of religious rightwingers can often be even more batshit than the parents. Doubling-down helps to cover up the nagging doubts in ones head about the way one was raised or the horseshit indoctrinated into one's head.

seems like 7) would be key to tackling a few of the others

If the devil is 6..

this one just sounds, sooo, idk: 12) promoting conservative facts
aka, disseminating our bat-shit propaganda.

conservapedia is just andrew schlafly talking to himself, but even that is sorta entertaining

Yeah, I like how facts can have an ideology.

haaa

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Andrew_Schlafly

He was lead counsel for the committees to recall US Senator Robert Menendez (D-NJ)[24] and US Senator Kent Conrad (D-ND).[25] In both cases, Schlafly argued that although recall for Senators was never provided for in the Constitution of the United States, a letter George Washington had written to his nephew indicated his "sincere" personal support for the idea, and therefore recall should have been considered implicit. In both cases, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruling on November 18, 2010[26] and the North Dakota Supreme Court on December 21, 2010[27] dismissed the petitions before them.

princeton engineering, harvard law, and still, this...

A letter George Washington wrote to his nephew is the same as a law because.... ok, I can't even think of any reason a person who has a law degree would confuse that.

http://conservapedia.com/Fidel_Castro

Fidel Castro (August 13, 1926 - ~2009 )

In September of 2011, it was reported that a Venezuelan reporter had interviewed Castro [52], but independent media have not confirmed that this was not actually a doppelganger standing in for the long-deceased Castro.

In February 2012 the mainstream media reported that Castro met with Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff. Predictably there have been no reports from the liberal media as to whether this was actually Castro or a lookalike [53].

Ha ha

can somebody go edit that to "the lookalike"

the "talk" page re: "Castro dead?" is just amazing

Conservapedia was created in November 2006 by Andrew Schlafly, a Harvard- and Princeton-educated attorney and a homeschool teacher.[5] He started the project after reading a student's assignment written using Common Era dating notation rather than the Anno Domini system that he preferred.[15]

It's booglarising my brain trying to work out how much of it is satire and how much is sincere.

I think it's 100% sincere! It wouldn't be as scary if it involved Schlafly trolling the rest of the world in any way.

The Bible Project is pretty stupid. I mean, I'm all for going back and re-translating, finding new sources, etc, but it's one thing to do that and another thing to go "This canonical thing that Jesus said, it sounds a bit commie, so let's just cut it out".

You can't fake this kind of hurt.

Canada, despite being the host country, was disappointed by its third-place finish in the overall medal count, and struggled even to win the gold medals in men's and women's hockey, its national pasttime. By winning medals in snowboarding, freestyle skiing and other "joke sports," Canada did salvage some national pride by setting a record for the number of gold medals in the off-season games.

Turn it up! Bring the LOLz!!

oh, that's ace.

there is an occasional pocket of resistance, or at the very least, self-awareness, on there though - I quite liked this : "It is well known, in fact that cats ARE dogs, in spite of what those silly, left-wing inspired dictionaries, naturalists, scientists, and pet owners claim. We at Conservapedia face an uphill battle undoing several centuries of leftwing brainwashing that attempts to sell the notion that these domesticated, four-legged mammal carnivores are different animals entirely, and as soon as I find some scientists and naturalists who agree with me, I'll be sure to post them as cites"

The more I look at Conservapedia, the more I'm convinced it's an elaborate hoax. Then again that could be liberal bias on my part.

So much O_o to choose from. From conservapedia proven right:

Date of Conservapedia statement : Oct. 14, 2010
Conservapedia statement: Conservapedia observes and predicts increased premature graying as a Counterexample to an Old Earth.[37]
liberal claptrap in response: Liberal denial that premature graying is increasing.
Result: A top actress -- Katie Holmes, the wife of Tom Cruise -- is observed having gray hairs at only age 33.
Date of Result: April 29, 2012

O_o_O_o

cats=dogs quote is fake, right.......right?

It actually isn't fake. I *think* it is supposed to be funny though.

Saying that, I think this one is 100% earnest:

"While most scientists believe that the cheetah evolved, the very oldest cheetah fossils show us an animal that is just about like the cheetahs we know today. This complete lack of evidence for evolution, plus the intelligent specialized features of the cheetah, lead us to the conclusion that the cheetah is a special creation of God."

It's good to point that out cos the first thing you learn in Biology these days is that evolution explicitly states that nothing is a special creation of God.

well it kinda does

on the Seventh Day, God looked around and said, now for the finishing touch : THE CHEETAH, my special creation. I'm done.

I feel like Christianity gets a really bad wrap from these guys. It's apparent they are super insecure about their faith, hence the need to be constantly kneejerkey. Dudes, if you are so threatened by a bunch of scientists trying to piece together the fabulous mystery that God created, maybe it's really your own lack of faith that needs to be analyzed.

and struggled even to win the gold medals in men's and women's hockey, its national pasttime

this is kind of "maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half of the time."

man the "complete lack of evidence" line is so crazy. there are heaps of it! the amount is staggering, google it once! which enormous line of evidence do you even begin with? paleontological evidence? genetics? actual observations of natural selection??

reading convervapedia is kinda asking for it tho. i do it when i'm looking for legit excuse to go (%$#!@TUFNBydfghn;ff:LK at my keyboard

it's a beautiful logic which goes "There are no fossils of cheetahs from before cheetahs evolved, therefore cheetahs must always have existed"

I mean, if I had a 4-year-old I'd be gently sitting them down to explain, but an adult doesn't genuinely misunderstand such a simple concept.

Here we go, this is the post I was looking for:

How Could They Believe This Stuff?

...Simple: if your base is a group that has been trained to reject truth in favor of faith in faith, they will believe anything because rejection of what "everyone else believes" is a bedrock article of faith and your very identity.

Let's be blunt: science has rendered a literal interpretation of any scripture, be it Bible, Koran, whatever, as impossible. For many religious people this means that they have sought out deeper meanings in a spirituality that depends on a more intuitive sense of meaning and purpose than a slavish attempt to follow texts that have been simply disproven.

But for another group - the fundamentalists of all religions - modernity has been "answered" by opting out or attacking facts as lies.

Enter Madrassas of all kinds, literal -- as in Pakistan -- or virtual -- as in the Evangelical home school movement and private school movement. Enter Evangelical TV and radio and publishing industry and mega churches as personality cults. Enter the "conservative" Roman Catholic bishops cut off from their own far more tolerant (and liberal) flocks.

The rise of the religious right within religion is designed intentionally to isolate, indoctrinate and "protect" from challenging ideas. Fundamentalist leaders, be they conservative bishops or evangelical leaders, do this because actual true information is no longer helpful to the fundamentalist religious cause. So that cause becomes about controlling the minds of the faithful by cutting them off from other opinions...

[...]

It takes training for years to reject what is true.  That training starts in a million Sunday schools and carries on through home schooling or private religious "education" and is completed in a hundred alternative Christian "colleges." It is sustained by a network of magazines like Christianity Today, World and many more. It has its own celebrity culture with heroes that no one outside the religious ghetto has heard of but who are selling literally millions of books to their followers.

Is it any wonder that a bedrock article of faith in the Republican Party is now that public schools are evil? Is it any wonder Santorum says he objects to President Obama saying all kids should work to go to college? In fact anything public and open to accountability is to be feared. Education is feared most of all.

All public space is hated because in that space, from infrastructure projects to the Federal Reserve to the UN to all government agencies, there has to be an acceptable baseline of fact that everyone buys into.  Universities and the media - both places where ideas are discussed openly - are hated most of all.

So public space is demonized because by its very nature it falls outside of the control of the "mullahs," -- i.e. the pastors and bishops and celebrity religious leaders that are fighting off facts to maintain their control of their flocks. And the government is demonized because it imposes a rule of law over and above the Bible's mandates.

And that is why "They" -- the bedrock supporters of the Republican Party -- do what they do and allow a Santorum to emerge as a serious candidate. The base of the Republican Party don't live here in our world anymore, they have moved to the Bronze Age and like it there.

The problem is that the "conservatives" (who are actually revolutionaries) are not content to just live in their private space and indoctrinate their children. They want to make the rest of us reject facts and move into their time machine with them and travel back to a world safe from truth.

And the far right of the evangelical movement and far right Roman Catholic bishops are also at war with their more moderate people.

Predicted that Sarah Palin will not be the Republican nominee for president, after observing how Facebook (which personified her political approach) lost the Academy Award to The King's Speech.[38]