i'm in an airport

Woman next to me is reading 50 shades of grey

Airport y'all.

spare 12 bucks for a sandwich, buddy?

hey enbb did you see the picture kathyrn posted on FB, a press clipping of rupert at the front of a huggy bear show?

No! Omg Rupes and huggybear! I will look now.

the caption was mean

Hahaha awesome. His hair!

Aw poor Rupert.

i'm in an airport

http://la.guestofaguest.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/gawkerdrunk.jpg

I'm in an airport right now, and pretty fidgety, as usual. Human beings weren't made to be crammed into a pressurized cigar tube, lit, and hurtled through the freezing troposphere strapped to a burning fizzlestick. It just doesn't seem right or natural.

It doesn't help my fear of flying that I've chewed the fat with my nephew Marvin, an airline mechanic and conspiracy theorist. Marvin says that there's a lot goes on in aviation that just never gets reported, because if it did nobody would ever fly at all. For instance, did you know that only about one flight in three ever reaches its destination? The rest all crash. They keep it covered up, of course. It's not hard in this Facebook and Twitter world where people just care about kittens. The wreckage, when it's found, just gets recycled for spare parts.

Of course, if there were kittens on the missing flights there'd have to be an investigation, in this Facebook and Twitter world. That's why, if you try to send your kitty on a plane, there's a lot of paperwork to fill out, official "lolcats" pictures to be taken, and a mysterious delay at the airport. They call it "quarantine", but Marvin says it's because air traffic control is consulting animal entrails, bird movements on the runway, and gypsy fortune-tellers in order to determine which flights will actually reach their destinations. They don't want an investigation, you see. Then it would all come out.

Not that I want to say anything to worry any of you good people in airports. A lot of flights do eventually get through, with very few fatalities. And flying is still safer than driving into oncoming traffic up the wrong side of the New Jersey turnpike in a raging blizzard with heavy fog at 110mph. Statistically speaking.

That's what Marvin says, and I trust him. I have to; he's the man who sellotapes all the broken electrical wiring that runs through the fuel tanks.

Was at the airport last week to visit my long-distance friend/lover/relationshipTBD whilst travelling though Dulles on her way to Manchester-Boston airport (which has nothing to do with Boston which is 70 miles south but added its name recently to make it more popular). We were hoping for an extended layover that would allow us to spend the nite together; no such luck so we enjoyed two overpriced restaurant meals and parted ways.

Flying to Quebec City in about 7 hours

Munching on Swedish Fish in Dulles.

Making a domestic -> international connection in Minneapolis in half an hour is madness, right? Booked a trip a couple of months ago and the flight schedules have now changed leaving us with 35 minutes (presume even if I make it, my bags won't...). I should be good to be rebooked, yes? There's no way that's a valid connection time.

At least with pro football now on, they have all the screens set to that and not fuckin' CNN/HLN, and for that, I'm thankful.

I'm going to the airport in less than 24 hours and I'm kind of terrified since today I already feel dead tired and sore and now have to get up at 5AM and schlep a frankly ungodly heavy volume of luggage through escalatorless/liftless tube stations and then pray my bags don't exceed the weight limit, and then move home from London ;_;

Ah well.

EDB, your homeland awaits you with really nice weather!

Well, I am leaving your homeland amidst an outright bizarre rash of excellent weather too!

Hello Athens airport it is 6am and I will be continuing to enjoy your pleasures for another two hours.

I'm in the delta Sky Club in Atlanta

plusses: drinking free beer
minuses: there is an insufferable british twat braying at the bar causing me to work on my fake italian identity

Now in Seoul drinking Cheongha and eatingn tasty pickled things

Two more hours in Ohare thanks to at least two delays.

Wouldn't be so bad if I was in the terminal with available power outlets

i'm in el paso. later on i will be in phoenix and philadelphia and munich. i will NOT repeat NOT be in o'hare.

philadelphia

please visit our lovely sbarro

I'm in Phoenix. I have like a 50m connection in Philadelphia. Might be posting back here for relevant things to do with 24h stuck there.

philly international was actually not that bad the last time I went, think they did some renos

yeah i haven't been since...god probably 2005? it was pretty bleak between 1999 and 2005, aka the years i flew the most ever.

I have not found bad santa yet in phx

i'm in another airport

i will watch the skies for you

hooray

kinda feel like our civilization has matured to the point where it doesnt require such thorough warnings about the moving walkway coming to an end

Newcastle, flying to Heathrow

dubai, pretty fancy but really they coudve made it fancier, embarrassed for u dubai

I mean transferred in Dallas a couple years ago and they had Richard sera pieces right in that shit, feel like that's the minimum standard Dubai should hold itself to

http://m.nbcnews.com/travel/itineraries/despite-criticism-denver-airports-devil-horse-sculpture-likely-stay-1C8543778

Making a domestic -> international connection in Minneapolis in half an hour is madness, right? Booked a trip a couple of months ago and the flight schedules have now changed leaving us with 35 minutes (presume even if I make it, my bags won't...). I should be good to be rebooked, yes? There's no way that's a valid connection time.

For reference, I was rebooked and then my revised flight was cancelled when I was at McCarran so they put me back on this half-hour connection route and I made it but my bags didn't. Moral of the story - insanely short connection times are totally doable. But not recommended.

These places are worse than death. At least I have benzos

and us

I made it on to the plane but no wifi on this leg I think so adieu fair markers

pro'hare tips for when you have an 9hr layover but don't have the energy to leave the airport:

have swim trunks with you. you can get a day pass to the airport hilton fitness centre (between the terminals, no shuttle bus) for $15, and then spend 3 hrs swimming and in the deserted steam room and sauna. you could get your money's worth here with a 2h layover, even allowing for walking/security time.

you can get a united club pass on ebay for about $10, and then get v drunk for no extra charge except tips.

I'm in O'Hare so much these days...good tips!

love the Frontera torta outpost...the loaded guacamole is seriously the best, like I look forward to being in O'Hare now

Where is that?

I go to the one near K4 in Terminal 1 because I mostly fly American, maybe there's one near the united terminal too

i know the one in the united terminal! never eaten there. next time.

Stuck in Kansas City. Have to somehow get to OKC tomorrow. Flight has now been delayed enough that even if I get to Dallas tonight, there's probably no way I'd be able to leave in time.

KCI is mellow but there's nowhere to eat & you're 20 miles from the city. sucks

Made it to Dallas, got stuck here. They gave me a cot.

http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/national/american-airlines-halts-flights-passengers-stuck-due-to-computer-outage

I'm in an airport. WTF Gatwick you don't have any TVs? I HAVE TENNIS TO BE WATCHING.