30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know By The Time She's 30

tbf, "dude with a boner can't think straight" is borderline some 1950-shit

the overreaction to some of the more innocuous entries on the list is getting a little silly itt

I feel like women are better off communicating their desires directly like adult humans with a voice and a brain w/o relying on some dude with a boner to interperet their kiss.

Maybe that kiss means, "I want to make out," and not, "good-bye," or "let's fuck."

It's not 1950.

― Meanwhile, on some cars... (Austerity Ponies), Thursday, April 26, 2012 3:38 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

once again my display name takes an unfortunate turn

'Glasgow kiss'

lol this is amazingly dumb

This kind of reminds me of this list in Viz I was reading last night, "20 Things You Never Knew About Trees (And Elephants)," except not on purposely stupid and inane.

Uhhh the second #14, I guess. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. I do sometimes stop myself from opening emails or messages with "Sorry, but..." when it's totally uncalled for and I haven't done anything wrong.

― how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, April 26, 2012 1:47 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is otm. I'm often overly apologetic esp when i've not done anything wrong. It's one of the habits I have that I'd most like to break.

Viz articles are usually uncannily accurate

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

you can change all three with a bone saw

isn't the difference between "let's get dirty" and "let me go to sleep" just tongues?

― seapunk run. run punk run! (Noodle Vague), Thursday, April 26, 2012 7:38 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

And grinding! I do use words to communicate intent sometimes too - but there's something sexy about going from hanging out on the couch to having sex without having to say a word! But my husband and I kiss every chance we get, it's natural we'd develop a language out of it.

the kiss communication thing is fucking bizarre

― zubaz fupa (elmo argonaut), Thursday, April 26, 2012 3:12 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

There are totally different types of kisses that "say" different things but, yeah, it's dumb.

er, xpost lol

i was joking to cover up my lack of experience :(

j/k

but there's something sexy about going from hanging out on the couch to having sex without having to say a word

That can certainly be true.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

you can change all three with a bone saw

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/257/8/0/bonesaw_is_ready_by_tomservo842-d2yppjo.jpg

can't believe you guys never learned to incorporate Morse code into your Frenching
I like to start out with a "What hath God wrought" smooch just to make sure we're on the same level

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

This is not always true.

can't believe you guys never learned to incorporate Morse code into your Frenching
I like to start out with a "What hath God wrought" smooch just to make sure we're on the same level

it's like a combination of frenching and chisanbop

lol Abbs! I'm going to try out some experimental kissing on A when I see him tomorrow. Perhaps we can discuss politics. Will report back.

xxp Keith Richards to thread...

I swear this exactly list has been published in several diff dumb mags over the past decade or so. I have 100 def read the power tools + lace bra thing before. SO dumb.

100% definitely read, rather

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

This is not always true.

― wolf kabob (ENBB), Thursday, April 26, 2012 3:53 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

literally the day i turned 30, my mom caught me drinking beer. it was really embarrassing, pretty much ruined my birthday party.

I haven't flossed regularly since 1989 and I still have extraordinarily healthy gums and have had 2 cavities in my life

Women SHOULD have power tools though, this is true. I've known far too many women who call men over to fix things. Eff that. I've got a whole toolbox* of my own. Drill, hammer, level, staple gun, screwdriver set, coffee can of random nails, many other things befitting a contractor's Granddaughter.

*Actually a big wooden hinged box I found on the street one day and carried home, all woman-powery.

Articles like this renew my inadvertent commitment to being a crass slob.

there's a magic ratio to shit like this; most of the list has to be stuff that everyone basically knows or does anyway

15. Why they say life begins at 30

pro-lifers are just getting lazy

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

Except for my grandmother, who smoked two packs of Kools and drank a fifth of scotch a day, and had no teeth by the time she was 50 and lived to be 94.

tbf, "dude with a boner can't think straight" is borderline some 1950-shit

I totally see how it could be read that way, but nah dude, that's not what I meant.

ENBB I am pretty sure I have read this exact list before too-maybe even in the aforementioned Glamour. These are always variations on the same BS anyway.

almost all of it is totally vomitous.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

this is only impressive if they all refer to the same incident

flossing is for fools

now way, everybody floss

*no way

"now way" is some thing goole got into online that rquires a buy-in

drop that e

A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get bet...

NO PRESSURE LADIES BUT YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER

my umbrellas:
1. an orange children's umbrella with a fox face and ears that stick up
2. http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/6103BZ2h9BL._SL1021_.jpg

i think i win at being 33

oh man, definitely. Mine was the dark blue H&M one with birds on it that everyone in Toronto has.

I have one stripey one, one hot pink one and one with ruffles and flowers.

That cat umbrella is amazing.

seriously ladies, now you must measure your self-worth in .... umbrellas! you thought they were just to keep rain off, but you were wrong.

tune in next month when we make you feel shitty for getting your dishware at ikea and wearing an outdated style of belt!

If I measure my self worth in umbrellas, I am either worth a lot because I buy a lot of umbrellas or I'm worthless because I leave all of my umbrellas in trains, buses, and taxis.

b_g: <3 <3

the first time i met laurel (in seattle) we were talking about the no-one-in-seattle-uses-an-umbrella mythology and i told her that i have two umbrellas, but only because they're cute. she gave me the great compliment of saying, "of course you do." (it's possible it was not meant as a great compliment but i chose to hear it as one.)

i also have a thing for cute suitcases.

therefore i voted for the umbrellas and suitcases option even though that list is exceptionally infuriating.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

These two kinda contradict each other, I think.

I have some really juicy flossing stories!

Umbrellas are one of those things i think of purely as a functional item, not a fashion accessory. My thought process is basically (a) i need to walk outdoors, (b) it's raining, (c) i don't want to get drenched, so (d) i grab whatever umbrella i find first so i'll stay dry. When buying an umbrella, I just look for one that folds up really small, is lightweight but strong, and not too expensive. I almost always get the black ones, since they never look out of place.