30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know By The Time She's 30

I did have second thoughts about posting that tbh, and I should have listened to them

this is ghastly when you start thinking about various health issues people may have

Yeah, I actually cringed when I read that one.

Googled the buyout. Now I recall that HuffPo == AOL. The most sagging and irrelevant online dinosaur of all.

my gf has a clear plastic umbrella w plastic polka dots that i borrowed once when i couldn't find mine. it was very deep, so when it was open, it was like i was enclosed in a vinyl-smelling, polka-dotted cone of silence. it was somewhat embarrassing.

Everybody should know how to pad their resume by age 30.

16) Stop giving a shit about how ~Womens Magazines~ think you should run your life.

preach it, sister

it was like i was enclosed in a vinyl-smelling, polka-dotted cone of silence
that is what makes these umbrellas so desirable! it's like being inside a transparent mushroom.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.

Who, by age 30, has started their own ISP, phone company and bank? Although I guess you can just run a mail server on your computer and do all of your mail from that, but no one aside from a computer person is going to do that.

an email address, voice mailbox, bank account, bomb shelter, supply of food for a year, gun - all of which nobody has access to but you

i think every person should know how to appreciate that peculiar and most pleasant sensation by the age of 30 tbh.

also aimless otm -- lol aol 2012

"help, i'm 29 and don't know how to kiss right!"
http://images.wikia.com/jurassicpark/images/9/9e/Diplodocus1.jpg

many of these are more fun if you think of them as advice to serial killers:

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

It's like a mash-up of 'Dressed to Kill' and 'Saw'

32. set a bar stool on fire and act like it wasn't a thing

How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next

this is some next-level shit where you kiss me like you want to repair the water damage in your living room or maybe play skee ball and then walk around the lake checking out mansions

I'm every woman

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

woah woah hold the phone

what?

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

Add a strap on and most eventualities are covered.

a kiss that says 'anal is not gonna happen'

where's God

god should be 1

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

"And that's why we won't be visiting grandma again, kids"

the kiss communication thing is fucking bizarre

1. god
2. peace
3. movement

5.first aid

5.lyrics

6. funky beats

7.counting maybe

7.if it is racist

a spork, a USB cable and a camo thong

"That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over." - is quietly the worst of these.
"Oh, you were abused as a child? BUCK THE FUCK UP."

the kiss communication thing is fucking bizarre

yeah and totally archaic

boils down to the difference between "good night" and "let's do stuff". hardly archaic, and i can't imagine too many people have trouble negotiating the distinction.

Yep, because if your kiss doesn't communicate that you don't want sex, it's your own damn fault.

I definitely have a few different kisses - the 'keep kissing me, let's get dirty' and the 'jesus dude, I've got to get to sleep' for instance

How about we just have words that can indicate those things instead? I don't know, just spitballing here.

and then tehre's the "white couch" kiss

imagine if we communicated by kissing

typing would be super awkward

I don't want my tongue or lips anywhere near my keyboard, I know where my hands have been

I feel like women are better off communicating their desires directly like adult humans with a voice and a brain w/o relying on some dude with a boner to interperet their kiss.

Maybe that kiss means, "I want to make out," and not, "good-bye," or "let's fuck."

It's not 1950.

isn't the difference between "let's get dirty" and "let me go to sleep" just tongues?

depends on your hemline

tbf, "dude with a boner can't think straight" is borderline some 1950-shit

the overreaction to some of the more innocuous entries on the list is getting a little silly itt

I feel like women are better off communicating their desires directly like adult humans with a voice and a brain w/o relying on some dude with a boner to interperet their kiss.

Maybe that kiss means, "I want to make out," and not, "good-bye," or "let's fuck."

It's not 1950.

― Meanwhile, on some cars... (Austerity Ponies), Thursday, April 26, 2012 3:38 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

once again my display name takes an unfortunate turn

'Glasgow kiss'

lol this is amazingly dumb

This kind of reminds me of this list in Viz I was reading last night, "20 Things You Never Knew About Trees (And Elephants)," except not on purposely stupid and inane.

Uhhh the second #14, I guess. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. I do sometimes stop myself from opening emails or messages with "Sorry, but..." when it's totally uncalled for and I haven't done anything wrong.

― how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Thursday, April 26, 2012 1:47 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is otm. I'm often overly apologetic esp when i've not done anything wrong. It's one of the habits I have that I'd most like to break.

Viz articles are usually uncannily accurate

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

you can change all three with a bone saw

isn't the difference between "let's get dirty" and "let me go to sleep" just tongues?

― seapunk run. run punk run! (Noodle Vague), Thursday, April 26, 2012 7:38 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

And grinding! I do use words to communicate intent sometimes too - but there's something sexy about going from hanging out on the couch to having sex without having to say a word! But my husband and I kiss every chance we get, it's natural we'd develop a language out of it.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You should know that you're 30

Got it Mordy will email back on Monday :)

tbf, "dude with a boner can't think straight" is borderline some 1950-shit

yeah, no kidding, I can't think straight even when I am NOT tumescent

Your ability to speak honestly about your weaknesses, failures and disappointments is your greatest strength.

I'm really good at this but I don't know that I would consider it a strength, necessarily...?

more like whininess amirite

crippling depression a beautiful strength

Let yourself be happy when you’re happy.

OK THIS is advice I should have heeded years ago.

I have none of these (I'm guessing an Ikea computer chair and a crappy MFI desk with ill-fitting drawers don't count for my not-handed-down furniture) and have learnt none of these but the biggest gift of my 30s is the growing realisation that I don't actually care about most of them

My Nan (RIP) gave me an umbrella with big-eyed kittens on for my 30th birthday; I thought she had just forgotten that I was not 6 any more, but this thread makes it a v. appropriate gift I guess

Worry about letting things you want to do slide without DOING THEM, you will regret it I say!!! DOnt think "I can do that later/when I have more money/when I have time". Carpe the damn diem.

I think I spent my late teens / early 20s not doing creative things because I was waiting for someone to tell me that my creative stuff was good enough to be worth taking to the ~next level~ of actually working on and showing to people, except I never showed anybody it, so how was anyone ever going to, etc etc

(and right now I am not visiting places I'd like to see because I have no money and it's hard to book time off but mainly because I'm not good at the planning related to travelling, should work on that too I guess)

31. Math is hard, let's go shopping

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If you believe in opportunity, opportunity will present itself.

BALLS.

if you believe in pixies

and ~magic~

if you believe in unicorns, unicorns will present themselves

if you believe in BALLS

*believes furiously*

9. A résumé grocery groin that is not even the slightest bit padded.

*sound of no hands clapping*

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