shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.spiegel.de/politik/deutschland/0,1518,829312,00.html

turns out, I do know how to speak German.

http://mo.accessatlanta.com/celebrities-tv/idaho-man-accused-of-1426299.html?cxntlid=thbz_hm

http://now.msn.com/now/0506-dolphins-heroin-overdose.aspx

"Dolphins died of heroin OD after rave at zoo, report says"

Sad and sick as hell, actually.

For animals with sonar hearing, a possibly dubstep-heavy event was already considered a strain.

http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/robert-schlesinger/2012/05/16/george-bush-writes-a-book-on-economic-growth-and-other-things-that-make-tons-of-sense

Jailed punk band Pussy Riot pushes free speech limits in Russia

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/man-admitted-hospital-kidney-stone-discovers-hes-woman-110057308--abc-news-health.html

seriously would that ever be an onion article? not like an enquirer article or a wacky news of the world article or a human interest segment on the local news, but an onion article?

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7077/7157376649_c8297ed088_b.jpg

guh

haha, that same story also has a headline link on CNN that says "Dismemberment victim's head missing"

well, no shit.

imho it takes all the fun out of guessing which parts are missing

Detachable penis is missing

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/06/06/tagblogsfindlawcom2012-legallyweird-idUS379276591220120606

The confessions of an ex-sex kitten

http://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/french/PEN%202012/LisaDierbeck.jpg

Somali Islamists offer 10 camels as bounty for Obama
By the CNN Wire Staff

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/09/world/africa/somalia-al-shabaab-bounties/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Casey Anthony reading 'Hunger Games,' book about killing children

http://news.yahoo.com/casey-anthony-says-shes-gone-hell-232851938--abc-news-topstories.html

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/554662_515861844163_1094249877_n.jpg

OK that one *is* an onion article, right?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/

Nice work BBC!

Oh good lord.

more goodness from CNN ...

"Snacks on a plane"

http://www.wsoctv.com/news/online/site-information/lake-norman-high-school-yearbook-photo-story-corre/nPWGH/

wat

Ohshit yeah I read about that one on Popehat and I was so confused. The retraction sounds so backhanded. Also it implies no one ever even saw the photo in question and just ran with it anyway?

Ive seen the photo. It... really does look like a woman who flashed her bits. but by accident (slipped sideways gown) not on purpose. But its very hard to tell, as it could also be one of those bizarre illusory pics.

like, the one definite illusion is ppl saying she's "lifting her gown" - she isnt, she's holding a magazine in her lap.

bare genitals and private parts

sorry, that's BARE GENITALS AND PRIVATE PARTS

Yeah the level of detail is bizarre.

Player 'completes' Diablo III video game

"Just over a month after the release of Diablo III, a pro player has managed to complete the game on its hardest setting"

I am obviously reading different news sites, but that is an actual* news story. It's hardly Billy Mitchell, but still.

*I was going to say 'specialist', but then it sold 3.5 million on its first day..

http://menomoneefalls.patch.com/articles/woman-attacks-husband-for-having-the-shepherd-express-the-onion-in-his-car

The hell is with the comments on that article!?

strongly suspect that article is making appearances on 'men's rights' forums

yeah those are the kind of comments they make, I've seen a few on our papers website; this whole "ALL women only want you for money and will ruin you and dump you" bitterness, it is frightening

look i know a sub-ed is fucking around here but

http://cumming.patch.com/articles/these-salads-should-be-tossed-says-fda

speaking of which, before I clicked on the link I was having a hard time visualising what "for-having-the-shepherd-express-the-onion" might mean in that url

cnn does it again

Instagram down in mass power outage

Breakfasts everywhere went undocumented on social media Saturday morning because photo-sharing site Instagram is still down after a line of powerful storms caused mass power outages across the Midwest and Atlantic Seaboard on Friday night.

haha

i was at a very hipstery gathering yesterday and addressed the 3 or 4 girls i was with: "so let me ask you something..." and was promptly interrupted by one saying "was instagram down last night?? YES."

so then did you talk about what you had had for breakfast or is that news stale after 2 pm?

lol I read that earlier and thought about posting it here. hilarious.

more cnn

"Photos: Competing in the Hipster Olympics"

Not a perfect fit --- needs tweaking, but the sentiment expressed is pure Onion:

http://aminiatureclaypot.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/so-you-still-think-god-is-a-merciful-god/

FFS new york times!

According to a D.J. in Brooklyn who goes by the Twitter handle Lil Internet, he coined the term “seapunk” last June after having a surreal dream, which he tweeted about: “Seapunk leather jacket with barnacles where the studs used to be.” His friends added a hashtag to “seapunk,” and a trend was born, like Aphrodite from the foam.

“The surprising thing is that it really was cohesive,” Lil Internet said by iChat; he declined to use his legal name, saying he is now known solely by his Twitter handle. He also described seapunk’s vibe as “Venice Beach Acid Rave 1995,” and cited surf-wear logos, yin-yang symbols and round holographic sunglasses as part of its look.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/04/fashion/Seapunk-a-Web-Joke-With-Music-Has-Its-Moment.html

^^ all of the quotes are just ... no words

Great photo caption

ha that was the first thing i noticed

"no really, there's a good reason we took a picture of this guy"

The spacey electronic dance music borrows from Witch House, Chiptune, Drum & Bass and southern rap

As lol as that article is, I feel like I am finally starting to *get* the sensibility of the generation that has spawned chillwave, witchhouse, etc.