Why are demands about male sexual performance quite so acceptable?

Really though, if someone isn't getting what they want, they need to speak up or its (partially) their own damn fault.

I was actually thinking on the way home about watching tonight's sitcoms and tallying jokes about male sexual inadequacy versus women's, but then I decided that (a) the even split would be "jokes about men's sexual inadequacy" versus "jokes about women's visual inadequacy" plus (b) I'd rather go see Herbert.

What does that mean? Do you mean a woman can finish without the man gettin a chance to do the same? Why do I get the feeling it's usually the other way around?

Obviously people should be able to criticize performance for either sex if necessary. Geez.

Men do seem more "polite" though. My husband even asked if it was ok to talk about my sexual prowess to his guy friends. Gee, I AM glad he wasn't asking if it was ok to be negative/critical of me to his buddies because then he would REALLY have something to complain about.

And yup, there is something to be said for QUANTITY too.

Yeah for the quantity!

yes.

Isn't this what the whole thread is ABOUT?

See, in part I think framing sex as a male performance is bad for everyone -- because (a) what Nick said, and (b) it means young men have to go in and, like, learn to perform properly, and from what I've heard of young women's early sexual experiences these first few outings are fucking disastrous for the poor girls and half the time the guy is so pleased with himself just for getting there that he doesn't even notice.

Question: would sex be better for everyone if it were normal for late-teenaged boys to hook up with older women who gently introduced them to the things they could be doing? Cause the weird thing about the male-performance paradigm is that it can sort of leave women room for low-pressure "training" (yeah, I'm sorry about that term) but leaves men to the sort of trial and error that can scar their partners for life.

Obviously I personally never worry about this because of the many awards I've received and my impressively large genitalia, but I can see how other people might.

I'm trying to imagine sex without even a hint of skank to it.

Anyway, we're still fighting to discard these stereotyped ideals, but society is still a bit behind the times. And yes, I will admit that I'd find it easier to complain about a man's sexual performance than a woman's. But, at the same time, I don't think that complaining is the right approach to take. Much better to speak to sexual partner and discuss sexual difficulties and then set about rectifying them then to go bitching to "the girls" or to "the boys" about problems in the sack. But I realize that is not the acceptable/encouraged behavior at this point in time.

I regards to thinking about the pleasure of one's partner before the pleasure of one's self - I think this is most prevalent early in relationships, as one is hoping that if they *do* please their partner, then there will be more chances to get off, themselves. (Yeah, I know that's a cynical take on things.) But, at the same time, there are people who are, by nature, more concerned with the pleasure and happiness of their partner than with their own sexual gratification - I've heard it described as "I get off knowing that you're happy."

One thing I have learned, though, is the more a person brags about their sexual performance abilities, the more likely I am to be disappointed by them in bed. I've no idea if they really think that they're great and are bragging without having any real idea of the lecel of their skills or if they are hoping that by claiming that they're great they'll delude the other person into believing them.

Discussing someone's sexual, well, short-comings (sorry for that word choice), can be very emotionally touchy. I know I'd react violently emotionally if someone "criticized" my performance. And I imagine that many of you would do the same. Most of us are unsure about sex and our sexual attractiveness and our sexual skills and so forth - and anything that is perceived as being even remotely critical can drive us back into our caves of sexual shame (wow, I like that analogy!) If I am not being satisfied by a partner, I usually try to rectify things with gentle suggestions along the lines of "Oooohhh...yeah...a little more of that" an so forth - and sometimes a guiding hand. But that doesn't always work and then a more direct approach is required. Even then I try not to phrase things as being a criticism and concentrate more on "I like it when you do this" or "I think I'd really like it if you'd do this" and so forth. It can be an uncomfortable conversation, especially if you're early into a relationship and are afraid of alienating your partner. Well, actually, it can be an uncomfortable conversation no matter where you are in the relationship.

But, really, I think it's best to keep such discussions within a relationship instead of bitching (or bragging) to our peers. However, I also know that this is not an ideal world and that we're going to continue to talk to our friends about trouble in the sack. So maybe we just need to be more aware of the societal "norms" in what is acceptable to say about men and what is acceptable to say about women, and then consciously strive to eliminate such stereotyped differences (yeah, theat means bitching about both, equally, in similarly coarse terms).

Or, conversely, resort to masturbation and then you really can't bitch about the technique.

Where do we sign up to volunteer to make this a better world?

Ned - I guess that I have had good, non-skanky sex, but it's always been that lovey-dovey cuddling type - nice every now and then but not too often. What's that saying from the man who says "my wife and I make love only once a year, on Christmas Eve, in front of the fireplace. The rest of the year we fuck." Pretty much represents my feelings on the matter - though making love does have it's valued place in my world, of course.

BurmaKitty - I am with you on this one, completely. I do think the world would be better and happier and most people would be happier with their sex lives if we were gently initiated into the joys of sex and foreplay and fooling around and such. And yep, you bet I'd join-up! Isn't this like (the only redeeming feature in my mind) those sex scenes in Auel's books - I remember a scene from - hmmm - The Valley of the Horses I think, where there's a several - page description of the deflowering of a young woman. Hell, I wish I'd lost my virginity like that! And I think that in the follow-up book there was something about women who initiated young men, too, but somehow it wasn't as big of a deal for the boys as it was for the girls. Phooey. Crap, now I gotta go dig those books out. (I stole them from my mother's bookshelves at a tender young age and used the descriptions of the sex for many happy hours of adolescent fantasy.)

The reality is a lot less flippant than it appears.

GUY ONE: SO???
GUY TWO: Yep. WE DID the DEED.
GUY THREE: SCORE! (high-fives all around)

It's very uncool to say, yep, but the sex wasn't really all that. The idea is that any sex is good sex.

And I don't think women tend to complain about their partners in bed UNTIL they've decided they don't like him anyway. And a lot of the times, those poor guys might not have been that bad in bed to begin with.

But you thought they were assholes, right?

Or else the males realize "the sex was bad" will be taken as "I was bad in bed."

Is it? Is it?

That's called BAD sex.

he needs to sleep with more women

doppelbangers

I thought "mr x" was max and was like "oh no max"

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Monday, April 7, 2008 7:02 AM (11 hours ago) Bookmark Link

nooooooo

krang otm

http://filebox.vt.edu/users/mhemsteg/tmntnet2.mov

krang otm

Isn't the female equivalent to be called "frigid"? I don't think it's got quite the currency it used to have, but ... yeah.

I think "frigid" means "don't much care for sex" rather than "wants sex, but nervous about it".

Mandee, that guy you dated was crazy. In my opinion, everyone is different in bed. That's exactly why it's unlikely to have a perfect "performance" the first time you have sex with someone. It takes a while to learn what short of invidual your partner is in bed.

doing this new thing where i howl right before cave diving

thread revive of the century

Hope your cert. agency was NSS-CDS or GUE.

finished std-hiv negative magnum cum louder

omg! was this the thread where nabisco was not otm? my reality is shattered

holy shit yessssssssssss

^ that's what she said

uhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

why are demands about nabisco's otmness quite so acceptable

trust nabisco to turn this into a v.sly boast
― mark s (mark s)

i was wondering what we called them before harris wittels popularized "humblebrag"!