HEY JEWS

there was like a bunch of 13-something boys on a stoop wearing cowboy hats and smoking cigars and talking traaaaash

guy in my (like 60% Jewish) office brought in some meh hamentashen today. Non-Jewish secretary got really excited about them and I felt like sort of a douche for telling her that they weren't that good and that there are much better hamentashen out there. They were the kind made out of that really mealy fake cookie shit!

I mean you know, it's not actually fake cookie, it's just very mealy and dry cookie

Just looked at the newspaper's photo gallery of the kids in costume in the local Hasidic village.

I think there's an Easter Bunny.

My Giant grocery store was sold out of hamentashen. Ended up getting some from Trader Joe's. Not as good as my Mom's home-made ones

my wife makes the best hamentashen but i'm trying to be less of a stuff-my-mouth with unhealthy food slob these days so i only ate two over the entire chag. :( generally i'd eat 30-40 of them...

I ate a bunch of hamantaschen earlier in the week, and tonight I guess I should drink a lot!

Happy Purim, ilxjewsors!

Poppy seed, yay or nay? As a kid getting one of these always felt like being pranked with a "fake" hamentashen.

Mordy is your daughter's name Esther?

That's actually her middle name!

esther was our second choice middle name for our daughter

Poppy seed >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> prune.

Once in college we made one with a marshmallow Peep filling.

Awww I like prune! Peep filling is a great jew-christian combo.

Once in college we made one with a marshmallow Peep filling.

― tokyo rosemary, Friday, March 9, 2012 11:15 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Wow, that's traif on so many levels

from fb just now

http://i39.tinypic.com/zskdv.png

HEY JEWS

It is almost time. . .

Only a non-Jew could plan this for a Seder, but hey . . .

One of our favorite traditions at Dino is serving our traditional Passover meal in honor of my mother: Ella Gold. For many years, a huge seder was a part of growing up and helping my mom prepare it was one of my best memories.

Our Passover Dinner served Friday April 6 thru Friday April 13, 2012
We will open at 5:00pm Friday April 6 and Saturday April 7 in order that you can finish your meal by sunset {7:37pm} for those going to services. If you would like to conduct your own Seder, please bring your own Haggaddah. In any case, please plan on enjoying your meal in 2-1/4 hours in order that others can celebrate theirs holiday.

The Menu

Antipasti Per Pesach
served family style...

A Seder Plate is available the first two nights
by request

Haroset, matzo & horseradish

Dean's "Better than Ella’s" chopped chicken liver

"Jack’s Fish Market" gefilte fish

Spring Salads
an assortment of local greens & spring veggies

Primo Piatto...

Dean’s “Better than Ella’s” matzo ball chicken soup

Secondo Piatto...
entrees served family style...

Agnello con Aglio Verde
lamb cooked in red wine with green garlic

Petto di Pollo
chicken breast with lemon, mushrooms & marsala

Today's Fish al Mosaica
a sauce of tomato, garlic, parsley, spices in the Jewish tradition of Livorno

Entrees served with...

matzoh farfel
spring green veggies
tzimmes

Dolce:
Passover Cake, Chocolate Walnut Torta or Sorbetti
{or another selection from our dolce menu ~ we won't tell!}

I did, in fact, request a Seder Plate, though wtf I will do with it is ???

All of my Jew Study Books (including Haggaddah) is still packed from our July 2011 move :(

i was thinking about buying the new jonathan safron foer haggadah but then i was like, "eh."

He was just here (in DC) on a haggaddah book tour, but I did not go out of my way to attend. His mom is a director at an uber-outreach 'gogue in town (6th and I). That's where I took my first Jew class!

Mordy, I was just reading over this thread and thinking you'd be the best rabbi ever.

invited to a seder this friday with a family of Israeli jewelry dealers

Good opportunity to sell some gold?

xxp thanks, that's really sweet to hear :) (and much nicer to hear from you than from my parents)

we're gonna go cuz their daughter is buddies with my daughter but honestly have no idea what kind of situation I'm walking into

I have had this thread bookmarked since it started and secretly lurking for 2 years, finally worked up the courage to say:

Hi Jews I love you all <3

Jews rule.

Oh wait should be on is this antisemitism thread

also quincie I will cosign yr Mordy Would Make the Best Rabbi statement.

how do we make this happen?

since it's passover, and i don't think i've ever told this story on ilx, this is the craziest passover chumra (aka stringency) i've ever heard. i had a rabbi in yeshiva whose custom it was to draw water into all his bathtubs and storage containers before the holiday and only use water to cook + drink from that supply. why didn't he use a sink during passover? because there's a (somewhat obscure) law about kashrut. what do you do if you drop something trief into something kosher? it depends on the item, but there's a concept called batul (nullification). most items are nullified if they're less than 1 in 60 (and some if they make up less than the majority). but bread on passover is not nullified no matter what the ratio. so he draws all the water before passover, when bread is still nullified by being 1 in 60, because if he drew water on passover, and there was even a microscopic crumb in it, it wouldn't be nullified and he would be eating bread on passover.

nb, this is totally crazy and even very religious ppl like my parents + my rabbi, etc, all think it's OTT

Interesting, Mordy. Your post led me to this Q&A on the "Mystic Sixty": http://ohr.edu/ask_db/ask_main.php/195/Q3/

The Talmud and Midrash state: "Fire is 1/60 of hell, honey is 1/60 of the manna, Shabbat is 1/60 of the World to Come, sleep is 1/60 of death, and dreams are 1/60 of prophecy. Dreams are the buds of prophecy."

On another note, I'm a little stressed b/c I haven't done my Seder food shopping (never mind cooking) yet!

Argh last minute Seder meal planning.

lol, so funny you posted that. i was inspired by the comedy poll thread to tell a friend tnite that watching movies is 1/60 of death (referencing that quote)

haha so many applications come to mind.

we're gonna go cuz their daughter is buddies with my daughter but honestly have no idea what kind of situation I'm walking into

― You big bully, why are you hitting that little bully? (Shakey Mo Collier),

Hopefully just a nice seder

mordy that story is so crazy but also kind of awesome

I love Jews. prob said so before but if i wasn't a bulletproof atheist and armchair Buddhist I would convert. also lazy and it takes a long time

I love us too. I love the way we know how to hold a grudge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZzZu8nLUNI

On another note, I'm a little stressed b/c I haven't done my Seder food shopping (never mind cooking) yet!

Argh last minute Seder meal planning.

^^^ this.

Per usual, I forgot how soon it was until it was nearly upon me. And I'm still holding myself to my four-year tradition of hosting a seder chez moi instead of just spending one night with each side of the family.

All that and finals and term papers.

Good luck with that Alex! It's okay to get some of them store-bought macaroons, really.

Well I've got my shopping list ready at least now.

I've decided that the real miracle of Passover is how many freaking matzo balls you can make out of like a thimbleful of matzo meal. It's insane and downright spooky. Probably has something to do with that whole 1/60 ratio thing Mordy brought up ...

I was just reading about the chametz thing. I wonder if walking round my neighbourhood tonight ppl will try and offload free bread on me, ha.

See gbx I also considered myself a bulletproof atheist until I learned that I could embrace Spinoza/Kaplan/Reconstructionist Judaism with nary a change to my non-embrace of what my ex-Catholic husband refers to as "sky faries" and my hairdresser calls "Space God." These guys basically re-defined divinity in way that makes sense to me.

Actually I would like Rabbi Mordy's thoughts on Spinoza/Kaplan/Reconstructionism. Very much.

I suppose I should at least familiarize myself with Spinoza, he seems to come up all the time

Also, I would like to repost this:

Hey Jews I wrote a little passover ditty, sung to the chorus of "Eye of the Tiger":

It's the
Bread of affliction
It's the bread of the Jews
Risen bread--it's not kosher during Pe-sach
And my boss--says "be careful! It is con-sti-pa-ting"
I-don't-care-I-just-ate-sev-en sheeeeeeeeeets
Of the mat-zah

― quincie, Sunday, April 12, 2009 9:44 PM (11 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― quincie, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 2:16 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^^^^

See gbx I also considered myself a bulletproof atheist until I learned that I could embrace Spinoza/Kaplan/Reconstructionist Judaism with nary a change to my non-embrace of what my ex-Catholic husband refers to as "sky faries" and my hairdresser calls "Space God." These guys basically re-defined divinity in way that makes sense to me.

― quincie, Thursday, April 5, 2012 7:40 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Well, except that I started off with parents raised orthodox-ish who then went secular, went back to an orthodox shul when they had kids and then left for a reform one because they couldn't answer the 'why can't i sit with mum' question i posed at 5. And then I proceeded to keep going to an orthodox-ish after-school hebrew school, be more religious than most of my immediate family, seriously considered going to (reform) rabbinical school for a good six years and then realized that calling or no calling, no matter how well my personal theology makes sense in my head, being a queer rabbi who thinks the human search for/concept of the divine is more important that the question/fact of G-d's existence and (at least compared to institutional Judaism in North America) is pretty outside the norm on Israel issues probably wouldn't really work out too well. But a lot Jewish ritual and theology are too meaningful to me personally to be to just abandon - and not in a cultural Jew Woody Allen and bagels way - like in a....tallis and fasting and prayer way...

'religious Jewish not-quite-atheist' doesn't really make sense, so i tend to go with under-constructionist.

But yeah - Spinoza/Kaplan/Reconstructionism are intriguing to me a lot of the time.

Overheard from a haggard mom shopping for last-minute Passover supplies at the local supermarket: "This would be soooo much easier if we were in New York."