shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

A good comment from elsewhere:

When you read Marilyn’s review, try reading it in your head in the voice of actor Sam Elliott.

exactly

If anyone's got time to sit out there and nitpick, I kind of feel sorry for them. Get a life.

Surely this is an impending board description.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/08/marilyn-hagerty-olive-garden_n_1332753.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Not that the Grand Forks Olive Garden is resting on its laurels. When we asked to speak to the location's general manager, Donald Szutenbach, we were told he was in Italy, training at the brand's Culinary Institute of Tuscany.

when did the onion switch to a paid content model, that is fucking ridiculous

Ages ago! And yes.

the onion's whole website is shit now unfortunately

:D

Marilyn takes America by viral storm

And there's video!

The NY Daily News ran an item yesterday about the danger of illegally imported beauty products that contain mercury. This part struck me as Onion-ish:

Here are some ways to tell if your products contain mercury.

Check the label for “mercurous chloride,” “calomel,” “mercuric,” “mercurio” or “mercury.” If you find any of those ingredients in your products, discard them immediately in a plastic bag or leak-proof container.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/mercury-found-lotions-cosmetics-fda-products-sold-ethnic-neighborhoods-online-article-1.1034686#ixzz1odgfzcsd

<3 guilelessness, <3 Marilyn

"The website postings were because residents of more metropolitan areas found it amusing that a chain restaurant would be reviewed. In larger markets, newspaper reviews are reserved for exclusive, high-end eateries that offer fine dining"

seriously:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/mar/28/stuart-pearce-making-plans-england

http://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/defense-hazing-article-1.1059984

http://gma.yahoo.com/k-e-diet-brides-using-feeding-tubes-rapidly-080053646--abc-news-health.html

between this and the tupac hologram, what year am I living in?

http://queenanne.komonews.com/news/crime/739963-police-gun-pulled-following-poorly-attended-ska-show-queen-anne

we must stop this ska-on-ska violence.

(featuring former members of Smash Mouth, White Zombie and Bad Brains)

greag camp of smash mouth, qball of sublime lbc, ivan de prume of white zombie, isreal joseph of bad brains.

'longbeach rehab band' <--- code for sublime cover band, innit??

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2017999538_apusfrozencows.html

Isn't that just the weirdest thing?

feel terrible for considering that these cows are probably still edible

http://www.afp.com/en/news/topstories/breivik-tells-court-i-am-very-likeable-person

Lazer Woolf?!

I guess his mother really liked Fiddler on the Roof?

http://www.thechronicle.com.au/story/2012/04/24/mum-steaming-over-rude-surprise-burger-penis/

http://media.apnonline.com.au/img/media/images/2012/04/24/TCH_24-04-2012_PAGE_3_01_TWB200412burger08_t325.jpg

Classic pic.

kylie

that url is great

http://www.jta.org/news/article/2012/04/23/3093586/man-can-sue-over-anti-semitic-comments-though-not-jewish

NEW YORK (JTA) -- A New Jersey appeals court has ruled that a man can sue for enduring anti-Semitic slurs from former employers despite not being Jewish.

Myron Cowher, a former truck driver for Carson & Roberts Site Constructions & Engineering Inc., sued the company and former supervisors after allegedly enduring anti-Semitic comments for more than a year. His suit alleges discrimination that resulted in a hostile work environment.

The Appellate Division of New Jersey Superior Court reversed a Superior Court judge in a 3-0 decision. The appeals court stated that the “proper question” is what effect the derogatory comments would have on “a reasonable Jew,” not on Cowher, who is of German-Irish and Lutheran background.

hahahahhahahaha

And although this is a fight I can lose/
The accused is A REASONABLE JEW!

I used to get called "Jew" back in elementary school, but I never knew how to complain about it since it would somehow legitimize the word "Jew" as an insult?

It was the intent, I guess. Maybe I should sue and find some reasonable Jews as character witnesses.

isn't that the name of a Coen Bros film?

Denny's going to get sued by African-Americans who have been victims of anti-Candadian remarks.

Canadian.

It's just 'a reasonable man' who is Jewish

So you're saying I'm not reasonable then.

hamburger lady reminds me of:
http://i.imgur.com/X7PXO.jpg
http://www.sonsofstevegarvey.com/2007/09/hey-kid-pass-this-to-david-ortiz.html

http://www.spiegel.de/politik/deutschland/0,1518,829312,00.html

turns out, I do know how to speak German.

http://mo.accessatlanta.com/celebrities-tv/idaho-man-accused-of-1426299.html?cxntlid=thbz_hm

http://now.msn.com/now/0506-dolphins-heroin-overdose.aspx

"Dolphins died of heroin OD after rave at zoo, report says"

Sad and sick as hell, actually.

For animals with sonar hearing, a possibly dubstep-heavy event was already considered a strain.

http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/robert-schlesinger/2012/05/16/george-bush-writes-a-book-on-economic-growth-and-other-things-that-make-tons-of-sense

Jailed punk band Pussy Riot pushes free speech limits in Russia

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/man-admitted-hospital-kidney-stone-discovers-hes-woman-110057308--abc-news-health.html

seriously would that ever be an onion article? not like an enquirer article or a wacky news of the world article or a human interest segment on the local news, but an onion article?

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7077/7157376649_c8297ed088_b.jpg

guh