Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Stone Monkey, i know who you're talking about.

I’ve been quoted at also, it’s hard not to say “oh fuck off, it’s not even real”

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 16 June 2005 10:36 (twenty years ago)

Do lunch-stealers actually check what they are stealing before they steal it?

― caitlin (caitlin), Thursday, 16 June 2005 10:37 (twenty years ago)

a woman I can’t stand & who pretends to know everything is sitting next to me for the day & keeps asking me what to do. She’s also one of those people who says "I’m just gonna type this, I’m just going to the copier" in her loud obnoxious voice, like I care!

Also she’s just said "I don’t mind staying til after six"

FFS!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 16 June 2005 10:40 (twenty years ago)

Maybe they do it blindfold for fun surprises! (x-p)

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 16 June 2005 10:41 (twenty years ago)

Pop quiz:

Say you're the manager of a bistro. Is getting drunk after work and telling your assistant manager to "fuck off, you think you're so fucking clever, just fuck off" IN FRONT OF STAFF

a) Just fine?
b) An astonishingly stupid thing to do?

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 16 June 2005 10:50 (twenty years ago)

Depends if said manager is more popular than said assistant or not. Who were you in this scenario?

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 16 June 2005 10:52 (twenty years ago)

The assistant

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 June 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

We can assume you are utterly blameless, right?

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 17 June 2005 14:50 (twenty years ago)

"oooooooooh...posting on the in-ter-net!!! Aren't you so FUCKING SMART. Eat shit, eat my shit!"

― giboyeux (skowly), Friday, 17 June 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)

Regardless of blame it's ridiculously stupid, incredibly unprofessional, extremely bad for morale, and hopefully he will realise this when sober and make amends to all staff.

― Vicky (Vicky), Friday, 17 June 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

By being fired, hopefully, giving Matt the manager's job?

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 17 June 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

but if Matt got the manager's job he wouldn't be able to go to Clitheroe and find heavenly wines, would he?

― Vicky (Vicky), Friday, 17 June 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

um, new air conditioners have turned up so cow-orkers annoyingly dropped everything to unpack and set the gaia-destroying things up and turned the place into ice-station zebra. (and don't air conditioners need the rest of the windows to be closed?)

these same people will put milkbottles back in the fridge with two molecules of milk left in them in order to save themselves having to rinse them out and put them on the side.

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 14 July 2005 09:50 (twenty years ago)

like clockwork, horse (that's what we call her) will use the restroom close to my desk. we call her horse because that's what it smells like she eats. and then she tries to cover it with this lysol-ish spray, which only makes it worse. i gag everyday around 2:30 p.m. like clockwork. she does not shut the door when finished.

the same person, ugh, ok, i've been working on a dictionary and i've been storing everything on floppy. she took a magnet and rubbed on the floppy and asked, "does it really mess up these things to rub a magnet on them?" all of my hard work, destroyed.

i. can't. see. clearly. when i'm near her.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 14 July 2005 13:22 (twenty years ago)

I would say that last thing is a complainable offense. Like to a boss or something. FUCKED UP.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 14 July 2005 13:31 (twenty years ago)

the horse, she just doesn't think before she speaks or acts. i mean, she's nice, but really really thick. in a way, i pity her, but she makes me so upset. she also has a bad habit of picking up things off of my and another co-worker's desk and breaking them. like pencils, pens, STAPLERS. i contribute this to the fact that she's naturally hyper. oh, and the diet pills. good grief.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 14 July 2005 13:44 (twenty years ago)

this person sounds like she needs to be put down

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 14 July 2005 13:51 (twenty years ago)

I would say that last thing is a ~~complainable~~ punchable offense.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 14 July 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

Kill her. Eat her heart.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 14 July 2005 14:26 (twenty years ago)

they've closed the windows and it's hotter than ever unless you're stood < 5 feet in front of aircon. memo around this afternoon saying they'll get some fans to supplement the air conditioner. THAT'S ALL WE EVER NEEDED. what's the point in having aircon + fans when fans + windows open would work fine and keep the fuel bills down?

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 14 July 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

x-post

ok, right? and here i am, trying to learn patience and she gets sent my way. i would love to punch her in the throat, i would.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

even when she's on the phone with her friend, it's unnerving. i am going to angrily make copies, excuse me.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

she's naturally hyper. oh, and the diet pills.

― carbon (carbon), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

that's right, diet pills. but she was mental before those came along. it's such a shitty combo.

and one more thing, and i'm done. she practically eats pens. she leaves these chewed pens on my desk! all of the time. i have to use a tissue to pick it up and return it to her. the scary thing is is that these pens have been chewed down, meaning that they are a lot smaller than original size. i'm done. i promise.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

i've just had an e-mail from someone saying they can't open the plain text file i sent them. "what's .txt? it doesn't agree with my computer."

jesus wept.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

> she took a magnet and rubbed on the floppy
> all of my hard work, destroyed

yikes. part of me thinks that someone who trusts the only copy of their work to a *floppy* almost deserves to lose it. email copies to yourself regularly at the very least.

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 14 July 2005 16:12 (twenty years ago)

fair enough. yet it doesn't make her less stupid, less annoying, and less co-worker.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)

We have a new girl at work and she's the annoying 'why are you so quiet? why don't you talk more?' sort. Grrr.

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:06 (twenty years ago)

Tell her she wouldn't want to hear the things you'd want to say to her.

Working with anyone on diet pills is the worst thing ever. I had one of those at my first office job right out of college, and I thought I might kill myself. She was always shaking and snippy and frazzled.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:13 (twenty years ago)

Space is limited so I'm sitting at the desk of a director who has the day off and he wears so much cologne every day that there is a miasma of men's cologne floating around his desk that I can actually taste. And his phone gives me a headache.

― pullapartgirl (pullapartgirl), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

i don't have any recent stories about my annoying co-worker because he got let go for being extremely annoying.

but i want to hear more about the new air conditioning saga! as a texan i find british tales of air conditioning endearing.

― fortunate hazel (f. hazel), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

we have a bathroom bandit as well. she's a young woman with a hideous skin condition (think 'two-face,' the batman villain) and minor dwarfism. she also seems to have some abandonment issues (was born korean and left for dead, presumably due to her physical abnormalities, then adopted by a fundementalist x-tian couple who apparently have raised a wide range of similar cases) and is a complete nightmare socially. she says 'fire in the hole!' each day before she gets up to head for the bathroom, and is fond of the ace ventura style 'do NOT go in there!' she is completely oblivious to the fact that everyone that sits around her can scarcely supress gags.

stories are legion from female coworkers who, not realizing she was using the toilet stall (her feet don't touch the ground, see) walked in on her doing her business. she's also infamous as an office informant (someone once wrote 'narc' on her computer monitor in orange highlighter) and is absolutely impossible to communicate with.

argh

― feverdream, Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:34 (twenty years ago)

someone once wrote 'narc' on her computer monitor in orange highlighter

This sounds like a good story!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

oh it is. a guy from another department was visiting and had heard the stories, but didn't know her personally. she was taking her daily bathroom break and wasn't expected back immediately so he picked up the marker and went to work. i guess she finished early though because the pitter patter of her tiny feet alerted him that she was nearby, and so he scrambled to hide under an adjacent desk. she took one look at the monitor, scowled, and then SPRINTED to the PRESIDENT'S OFFICE, skipping about 5 links in the 'chain of command.' had anyone else done this they likely would've been escorted from the building, but given her condition he was sympathetic and thus began a weeklong investigation into the crime.

the perp was terrified that he'd be discovered and actually ended up quitting out of fear. thank f*ck i was out of the office that day, or i would've surely been fingered for it.

she's also an avid juggler!

― feverdream, Thursday, 14 July 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

jesus

― scout (scout), Friday, 15 July 2005 06:31 (twenty years ago)

i'm so glad i have an office to myself. so so glad.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 15 July 2005 06:36 (twenty years ago)

sorry, ai lien, you're right that you shouldn't really have to protect yourself from malicious idiots.

> but i want to hear more about the new air conditioning saga!

got in this morning and we seem to have reverted to using the windows as windows and the ac isn't even plugged in. (mind boggles at waste of money but is happy that we aren't wasting more).

― koogs (koogs), Friday, 15 July 2005 07:59 (twenty years ago)

tories are legion from female coworkers who, not realizing she was using the toilet stall (her feet don't touch the ground, see) walked in on her doing her business

Doesnt she lock the stall door?!?

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 15 July 2005 08:45 (twenty years ago)

THE SECURITY GUARD WHO SAYS HELLO TO ME EVERY MORNING HAS A GOOGLY EYEBALL AND SHRUBS GROWING OUT OF HIS EARS.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Friday, 15 July 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

THE SECURITY GUARD WHO SAYS HELLO TO ME EVERY MORNING HAS A GOOGLY EYEBALL AND SHRUBS GROWING OUT OF HIS EARS.

he sounds very polite.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 15 July 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

im not sure if he is saying hello to me though because of his googly eye.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Friday, 15 July 2005 13:16 (twenty years ago)

you never can tell which i to look at can you?

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 15 July 2005 13:22 (twenty years ago)

ONE GOES LEFT AND THE OTHER GOES RIGHT? IM NOT SURE HE'S EVEN LOOKING AT ME. I THINK HE IS SAYING HELLO TO THE TV.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Friday, 15 July 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

My annoying colleague wants us to get Linux in for all of our desktops and servers because she has heard that it's really cheap. She knows nothing at all about computers. She rings me up to tell me how cheap Linux is. Like I haven't heard all this years ago. Like no-one has ever suggested this to our company before. Like she's the first person to ever think of running Linux on the company's machines.

I hate it when I have to talk to people.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 15 July 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

He's sitting four feet away from me and dropping the worst assbombs and then just getting up to walk away... I'm on a conference call and therefore chained to my desk and sitting amid the stink oh god send help eyes watering death imminent ...

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 15 July 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

Cue the Gap Band.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Friday, 15 July 2005 17:07 (twenty years ago)

Why do my coworkers always give me spreadsheets to update but then not close out of them on their computers?! The dumbesT!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 15 July 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

I had an intern who was 5 years older than me, and a whole level-of-education up on me, and balding a bit--just enough of all of the above to make me feel utterly unqualified to be telling him what to do. Until I discovered he is utterly unable to do what I tell him to do. Or probably tie his shoes (albeit untested).

We once asked him to call a whole slew of actors to get their social security numbers, which he recorded on the spreadsheet from whence he got their phone numbers. This took 4 hours. The spreadsheet was sort of a public document, so we told him to take the social security numbers off there, as they are private, etc. Which he did, with success. Except he DID NOT RECORD THEM ANYWHERE ELSE. And then just left. Successfully undoing his entire days work.

He looks exactly like Buster from Arrested Development.

― now now now, Friday, 15 July 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

Some days I think I am working on a suicide hotline that operates out of a high school locker room.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 15 July 2005 18:11 (twenty years ago)

My coworkers are reasonably okay, a lot of overgrown sorority girls really. I just don't like it when they talk to me in their batshit approximations of an English accent (yes this old chestnut). They say "hallo A-dom!". I don't pronounce my name anything like "A-dom". Shut up you.

― L@@K !! *RARE*!! (nordicskilla), Friday, 15 July 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

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