TMI: Colon Cancer

"The drums march along at the clip of an I.V. drip
like sparks from a muffler dragged down the strip.
I really hope you'll come around.

It's sunny and 75. It feels so good to be alive.
Come on baby don't stay inside.
Everybody's coming out tonight."

DCB

Take care of yourself, PP. I was really shaken to read this thread - love to all of you.

this thread is heavy, i hope you know PP that we all really appreciate you sharing this with us. and to echo Ned's point, this is an incredible writeup.

I am still hoping for that last chapter of happy ending where cancer is 100% gone and PP will live a long and happy life with Sunny & Beeps.

Shasta <3 <3

ill write the chicks perspective on this soon. im too sleepy right now. yr all v. sweet, btw.

I would empahsize to anyone concerned that I wasn’t feeling any pain. I felt horrible and sick, but I can’t say I was in any pain. They tell me that radiation treatments can make your skin feel like it’s frying. That sounds like pain to me. Nausea and that other stuff has to fall into a different category.

Still, it put me out as well as put my wife and daughter out as well as my workplace. In the beginning of the treatments, I would go into work the next day, wearing my little pack. It was a little strange being around all these new people and having this invisible gorilla following me around. Not only was I the “New Guy”, but I was also the “New Guy With Cancer”. Fortunately, the situation I was in made for a nice ice-breaker. There was even a salesguy who came up to my desk and shared his “testimony” about having colon cancer. He had noticed that it hurt when he sat down, got diagnosed, and had his rectum removed. I came home and told Sunny that I had found a “sponsor”, like in AA.

Fridays are a big day for me at the office. I have to upload the entirety of two newspapers we publish onto the web. Somehow, the timing got off and my boss would have to do those tasks at home during the weekend. Everyone was completely cool about it. Even after working at the same radio station for eleven years, I don’t think that I would’ve received the same treatment.

By about Treatment 5 or 6, I was getting confused at my desk, mixing up projects and catching myself staring into space. I’d go into the bathroom stall and rest my head on the handicap bars. After awhile, I started missing those days of work.

The fatigue was the biggest side-effect. I know we’ve all been tired and can’t get out of bed, but this was something else. It was like having every ounce of energy just sucked out. And the sleep I got wasn’t deep or good; it was mostly like being passed out after drinking too many whisky shots. I’d hear the theme song from “The Wonder Pets” coming out of the living room, and the next moment, the clock would say 3 a.m. I’d switch sides to sleep on, remembering to move my pack and not get the cord tangled up. Sunny slept in the baby’s room.

Sunny got the worst part of the deal. Yeah, my workplace lost a worker on those days, but my family would temporarily lose its husband and father. Sunny would have to pick up Beeps. Feed her. Change her. Play with her. Bathe her. Rock her to sleep. All by herself. Even a potty break was out of the question sometimes.

Even when I’d come out of it, I had to lean on my wife. Another side-effect was an aversion to cold. If I touched something cold, it would feel like an electric shock. My limbs and nose and ears would always feel asleep, complete with what I oh-so-cleverly called “stingles”, tingles that stung. If I drank something too cold, it would feel like sand on my lips and tongue. Swallowing felt like I had an icy toothpick stuck in my throat. Of all the effects, these are the hardest ones to really describe. There’s nothing comparable to it.

So Sunny would have to come into the kitchen and get things out of the refridgerator for me. She’d pour some juice and I’d let it sit for an hour until it got room-temperature. Once, I was trying to make a turkey sandwich and touching the meat felt like I’d been bit. I had to call her in again. She was happy to do it, but I’m not quite used to having to ask for help to make a goddam turkey sandwich.

Walking to work was painful on windy days. I’d have snot dangling out of my nose without knowing it until a co-worker would clear their throat and rub their nose. I’d have to make special requests for warm water at restaurants -- drinks were usually too cold coming out of the tap even without the ice.

When I’d yawn, it’d feel like someone was poking my eyes out. The Avistan medicine made my nose bleed. And there was the diahrea.

My memory started to slip, too. Stuff like forgetting the name of my neighbor across the street, a guy who’s lived there for six years and took a picture of Sunny and I in our yard the first time it snowed with her here. Once I was trying to answer a question from a nurse and got totally confused with what I was trying to say. I told her, This happens to me quite a bit these days, and she comforted me with Oh, you’ve got chemobrain, that’s all.

The nausea wasn’t too bad, I never threw up or anything. But I hated so much to finally get out of bed after three days and see a noticable difference in the way my baby daughter looked. During those months, she grew so much and I was so worried that I was missing out on it all. She never seemed to notice my absence, which only made me think about how she wouldn’t notice if I disappeared completely.

I lost some of my hair, but not as much as cancer patients usually lose. I did gain some gray hairs. And it’s weird, but when I comb my hair back, it stays there. It used to fall back into my face after it dried. Not anymore.

The doctors were confident that the treatments would kill the cancer, but then again, they had thought that I had had just an ulcer before too. The surgeon was confident that cutting out the bad piece of colon would seal the deal, and that hadn’t been 100% successful. I would tell my family to not worry about me, but to pray for me. In the back of my mind though, I knew that there were many people who had been prayed for and had died anyway. The Lord works in His own way.

(At one point, my dad wanted to bring over his Mormon bishops to “lay hands” on me. I had to politely decline.)

During this time, my best friend and his wife lost their son, who was born stillborn. It was an emotional time, and we’d talk on the phone about it. He’d stop every once in awhile and say that he had no right to complain to me, being what I was going through. I’d tell him that I’d take 100 years of chemo over the nightmare he was living through.

I mean, it was cancer, but I’d see these older folks in the chemo ward going through the same thing as me, except they were 40 years older. Some had to come in every week. Some had to wear the pack for four days, not just two. Some were going through the process not to cure the cancer, but to contain it. I made a few friends. Mr. Greer drove in from Lonoke and grew his own apricots. One woman raised and showed whippets. And over time, I’d come in one week and ask the nurses about so-and-so. After awhile, I stopped asking since the answer was usually that so-and-so hadn’t made it.

The worst part was just not knowing how it was all going to end up after the final treatment. In the meantime, we just fell into a routine. We didn’t have much of a choice, and all we could do is mark off the calendar days and do our best.

Fortunately, it seems to have paid off.

When was the final treatment? Did they tell you anything about the chances of recurrence?

whoah, you are going through so much! Thank you for sharing this with us. There are lessons to be learned from all of this. Whoah, sunny, you have been so strong with beeps -- and PP - whoah - starting a new job with all of this! My thoughts are with you! This kind of dwarfs my complaints of late. Whoever keeps asking about your diet - rock hardy? - shut up! -- it's not PP's fault or fast food's fault you got cancer. Here's hoping your vessel stays strong. You're a good man.

this makes me so sad. i'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this but even more sorry that it is you and sunny and beeps.

i had the "semi-colon" operation a few years ago, but not for colon cancer. that was hard enough for me - can't even imagine what the chemo was like.

amazing story. you're a strong, strong person.

oh man, I'm so sorry to hear this :( I hope you beat this cancer and make a full recovery.

PP mentioned his diet pre-cancer, and I asked about his diet post-cancer. I don't think that's reached "shut up!" levels, Maria.

id just like to interrupt for a sec to say that beeps is in all sincerity the greatest name i have heard for anything ever

best of luck to you all

tho i dont think you need it

Again thanks you all.

There's nothing wrong with asking questions. I certainly had about a million of 'em. The doctors never were able to tell me how the cancer got in there. They were only concerned about fixing it.

Fried food, sugars, and that kind of stuff doesn't help. Cancer can feed off of sugar. Ozzie Smith has been going around for years saying that you need to eat eight servings of vegetables to help ward off cancer.

But when it's all said and done, people get it anyway, veggies or no veggies.

The only dangerous thing I ever did was, as I mentioned, smoke. But I never smoked through my butt! My lungs and throat were clean. Other than that, I couldn't tell ya. My oncologist even said that it could've had something to do with living next to a river. To be honest, I kinda shake my head at that.

Sunny and I looked at our situation as just a big inconvenience. It was like I had to wear a body cast for three days every fortnight. We weren't trying to ignore that I had a disease that was fatal most of the time, but we didn't want to allow our lives to be dictated by CANCER.

In other words, we didn't try to belittle it, but we weren't going to get swept up in the maudlin tide that some were trying to push us in either.

But I never smoked through my butt!

lol frat initiation

PP, thanks for shining such a personal light on this. The more people are made aware and the process of treatment demystified, the less people will be terrified (and hopefully, more likely to take action) when one of the 7 warning signs turns up in their life. My father-in-law had ignored the symptoms for a very long time when his colon cancer was diagnosed 18 months ago. By that time, it had breached through the wall of his colon and invaded so much of his liver (and had metastasized systemically), there was nothing that could be done but keep him comfortable. All the best to you and Sunny.

I wonder if the swallowable camera is cheaper than a standard colonoscopy now.

I doubt it. Also, I'd want someone who knows what they are looking for to do my colonoscopies, not some roomba.

Thanks so much for talking about this, PP. There's a long history of this stuff in my family, but it's always discussed in hushed tones and with minimal verbiage ... I have learned more from what you have written than from a lifetime of relatives struggling with cancer.

i got a "virtual" colonoscopy

this virtual colonoscopy company used to be one of my clients but i never understood how it works.

how does it work?

Reading your posts made me sad - knowing you and Sunny had to go through all this - but also happy for the fact that you seemed to have, in the end, beaten that cancer. I hope everything will be fine with you three from now on.

Sorry, Rock Hardy ~ through some personal encounters I've become a bit allergic to people blaming diet for all illness. Obviously what you eat has a huge effect on health though. A friend of mine tried to convince me that if my kids never ate processed food they'd never get colds. That "shut up" would be better directed at her.

PP I hear what you're saying about not getting swept into the maudlin tide. I'd also echo what someone upthread said about staying away from Internet advice. My sister has MS and when she was first diagnosed I got her a couple of books about the disease -- they were really depressing, scary books about how to deal with loss of mobility, loss of sex drive, loss, loss, loss. The next day I asked if the books were helpful or just scary and she said they were helpful because she made a decision not to live a life of loss. She threw the books away. She refuses to live her life as someone defined by disease. She has done just that - she's still got MS, but I almost always forget it, because she refuses to give in to the maudlin tide. She has changed her lifestyle to avoid stress and to reduce her risk of exacerbations. She is realistic about it, but figures we could all get hit by a bus tomorrow, so you just got to keep living. I admire that strength.

PP and Sunny, you're an inspiration.

Best of luck, Pleasant Plains: I hope I can deal with it as well as you have,, if/when they time comes.Anybody know any good information sources (personal, professional) on Parkinson's? A friend may have it (hard to diagnose sometimes, according to a book by a Mayo Clinic specialist; I'm hoping to hell it isn't *too* scary, cos I got it for my friend)

oh man, i am glad you are okay and your awesome little family is doing well
thanks so much for sharing - i read some of it yesterday night and was so stunned & amazed & moved that i really didn't know how to respond - others have said things i would also say - it's hard to respond online with my usual which wld be hugs and like tea and cookies and just hanging out celebrating life

xp
there is a book called "the case of the frozen addicts" that is a good introduction to the symptoms of parkinson's, research into the causes, and treatment research. it's a little out of date but a good read. sorry for the digression.

Keep your heads up, Beepsters.

Here's the wiki on virtual colonoscopy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_colonoscopy

Is that accurate, moonship journey to baja? Did they try to have you hold your breath for 10 minutes?

(also, my thesis was about endoscopic images and health information + intrinsic emotional/personal nature of these things - i don't mean to sound crass or pat or anything when i say this, but i really appreciate the medical/surgical details you go in to and the way you've written about them in a straight-up yet still emotionally attached way - it's important, tough stuff all the way through. so glad you wrote it.)
xposts

PP, sunny, beeps, it sounds like you guys are doing an incredible job of staying sane through a really hard time. I hope, very much, that you've seen the last of this cancer.

pp, sunny, beeps, i'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. one of my best friends has had hardcore chemotherapy in the past year as well (with good results also) so i have some limited insight into how grueling this has been. your courage and your love for each other is extremely moving.
i'm glad your doctor said this can just happen, there is so much, i believe, misplaced focus on what people ate/drank/smoked/thought that made them get cancer. at one stage after going through all her fairly normal diet history etc. my friend for a time even blamed her own personality, which i love, for getting sick. well-meaning people gave her superstitious books and tapes and advice that fundamentally blamed her for her illness (thereby giving everyone else a chance of controlling the uncontrollable so long as they followed whatever advice the author had concocted).
i have made peace with the idea that this could happen to any of us and i just hope that if it ever happens to me that i will deal with it as graciously and bravely as you have.
when i read this yesterday i could feel a deep reverent silence across ilx. i'm sure there are many people here who don't know how to respond but want to give you their love and best wishes. so, love and best wishes to you all.

there are many people here who don't know how to respond but want to give you their love and best wishes.

Hi dere.

Wow.

Bravery can be tossed about a bit too glibly (he didn't die in that car crash! what a brave man) but the way you and your family are handling this is textbook bravery. You all should be very proud.

there are many people here who don't know how to respond but want to give you their love and best wishes.

Hi dere.

-- en i see kay, Monday, March 17, 2008 7:29 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

when i read this yesterday i could feel a deep reverent silence across ilx. i'm sure there are many people here who don't know how to respond but want to give you their love and best wishes. so, love and best wishes to you all.

estela is right, as always.

Thank you all for the well-wishes. Dan, en i see, I'm about as good at responding to good thoughts as you are.

To wrap this up, I had my last treatment in late January. Laying in bed, the chemo pack would start beeping, saying it was "low". After an hour of that (worse than a snooze alarm), the pump would sound an alarm saying that it was dry. This meant that I could finally disconnect myself from the pump.

Well, actually, that was Sunny's job. My wife would flush out the needle and port with syringes filled with -- I don't know, Clorox? -- and then (here's the best part) grab the yellow plastic butterfly clip and squeeze. This dislodged and popped the needle out of my chest. Then she'd give me a band-aid.

After she did this for the last time (we hoped), we just kinda looked at each other. It was over. Even if a new test showed that cancer was still there, my oncologist said that he wouldn't begin treatment immediately. For now, we were safe and I could be her husband again.

But at that moment, I think I just passed out.

I got another PET scan done, where they pass me back and forth through this giant tunnel and take 3D pictures of my body from the inside (I had two of these done since I forgot and ate an Egg McMuffin before the first one.) A week later, we met with the oncologist.

The same nurse who always saw me was weighing me, taking my temperature, and registering my blood pressure. I asked her if she had seen my test results. She said yeaahhh, but also said that she could say anything about it. Sunny and I were both a little scared, psychoanalyzing every facet of the way she said "yeaahhh" for clues.

The doctor made it in and quite simply said "You're done". Was it all gone? There was nothing on the PET showing any positive signs of cancer. Even the weird heart thing that never got officially diagnosed as anything was gone. That was it. I shook his hand, he said something how he was glad to give good news for once, and we made another appointment for July.

So even though I'm "clear", I'm still under the watchful eye of the doctors. I'm going to have to get annual colonscopies probably for the rest of my life. I'll be checking in with the oncologist and getting periodic PET scans done for at least the next five years.

My doctor wanted me to keep my port in for another year, you know, as a precaution. I had seen on some cancer messageboards where crazy people left them in forever, as some sort of twisted red badge of courage. I talked to my insurance lady (who I haven't even mentioned here, but did call me every two weeks just to check in), and she said that they'd pay to have it reinstalled, if I needed it.

So last week, I got that fucker pulled out of me, by the same doctor who sliced up my colon. This time, I was awake during the process. They numbed me up good though. As he pulled and tugged on the port to get it out, it reminded me of the feeling you get when the dentist pulls a tooth out.

My dad, someone who can get a little emotional and melancholy about his 34-year old son (and grandbaby's daddy) having cancer, suggested that I got the port taken out "to put it all behind me now." He couldn't be farther from the truth. I've lost 20-25 pounds in the last six months, and that thing stuck out like a motherfucker. I'd tote Beeps around and she'd smack it like she was hoping for no whammies.

This thing is never going to be put behind me. Yeah, I have a lot better odds of it reoccurring than most people. That said, I'm getting it checked a lot more often too. But I'm fully aware that I could go through all of this again.

But beyond that, I've come out a different person from the whole experience. Cancer to me has always been like leporsy. I didn't know anyone who had had it (except for some very elderly grandparents), so I didn't know about the whole culture of it.

At any moment of the day, there are some sick people laying back in chairs with tubes running into their chest. They don't know if they're going to live or die. They don't know if they'll see the next season of their apricots ripening. They're trying on wigs and looking at their changing faces in the mirror. They see their tumors growing and bubbling out of their skull. I only saw mostly older folks, but there's a whole ward of children across the freeway at the children's hospital going through what I went through. And we're all covered by insurance in an industrialized nation. There's also patients sitting in folding chairs or on the ground, and more likely, not getting treatment at all.

That's why I don't feel brave. I had cancer, and I was lucky.

Publish this. Where, how, I don't know. But publish it.

That's all I'm saying. The rest you can guess.

tre: you are the only poster to make me laugh and cry in the same thread.

Whoah, I completely missed this. Wishing luck your way, PP.

aww, i am getting all misty reading the conclusion to this story. so happy for you guys! my dad went through a cancer bout and was lucky enough to come out clean after surgery alone (and has stayed clear for 2 years now!), but i remember how petrified he was (not to mention the rest of us) at one point when he thought he might have to go through radiation. even though he ended up being extremely lucky, he still turned into a sort of basket case. i always think 'brave' is really cheesy, too, but you really ARE brave and your behavior and the candidness of your writing really do make this story that much more incredible. ned's right... i'm sure tons of people would love to read this.

Dude,

I don't even know what to say, but thank you so much for posting this. And, if you're comfortable with it, listen to Ned and publish. It's really harrowing reading, but it's both touching and informative (as chaucer would say 'sentence and solace') and a really sterling bit of history.

being on both sides of the spectrum, it is totally better to have cancer than to have a loved one with cancer. PP, congrats on beating cancer dude.

^^^ this. ss deserves massive props.

I don't know exactly how to phrase this, since it's kind of an odd reaction, but.. thanks. Thank you for going to the doctor even when you thought you might be able to brush it off, for staying it out throughout the process, and for posting your whole story.

I've had two grandmothers die from cancer -- well, the second one's a hard call. I have a side of my family (farmers) who have the "you're either healthy and you stay home, or you're unable to walk and you go to the hospital" mentality. By the time my grandmother went to the hospital with her "stomachache" she was so cancer-ridden that I have no idea how bad it really was. And when she came out of anesthesia after the first operation, her mind was pretty much gone. She may have had alzheimers all along, but who knows? For lack of any serious medical treatment or tests for years, she really didn't have a chance.

I get angry when I see that one in three people die of cancer, because I wonder how many were like my grandma.

Just saw this and read the whole thread. Glad you're over the worst, PP. I turned 50 last year and haven't had a checkup for this yet, but I guess I will now. (Or at least start thinking about it.)

I cannot stress enough how easy the test was. The worst part was having to spend half a day in the bathroom, but I did get a lot of reading done. The procedure itself is painless and you never feel a thing.

it does make you shout out for mello yello in recovery though

Not a #1 burger with tots and a cherry limeade?

PP just waking up in rocovery.
Nurse: "We have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite and Lemonade. What would you like?"
PP: "MELLO YELLO!!"
Nurse: "We dont have that"
PP: "Uhhh...Mello Yello!?!"

A man who knows what he wants!

Thank you for writing this, PP.

Ken - I just heard that song in Wendy's this afternoon!
Libcrypt - Had I received one, that would've meant that I now had four legs.
Rock - My butt never hurt, so that term just rolled off my back (so to speak.)
DP - Any time.

I'm also interested in publishing this only if Dan Lacey will illustrate it for me.

PP - I can only echo what has already been said by others, thank you so much for writing this and sharing your moving and important story.

I'm also interested in publishing this only if Dan Lacey will illustrate it for me.

That would be pretty damned cool.

PP, I haven't commented because I'm at a loss for words. You are so courageous (sp?) and so strong. I always feel as though I'm moaning about the little things - how the hell can a migraine attack be so bad, when you have cancer. I am extremely happy to see you three have come through it. YAY. :-)

Is the aversion to cold passing?

My fingers and toes are still numb and asleep. My typing isn't as good as it was. I'd probably be real good at snuffing candles with my thumb and forefinger, like a bad-ass Scout leader, right now.

Other than that, I'm bouncing back. Even had a hot fudge sundae this past weekend.

Ken - I just heard that song in Wendy's this afternoon!

full circle

virtual colonoscopies getting some run today

Hugs to both of you (and beeps).

Wow, I never knew about this til now. I hope you are doing well, PP!

For those still scared of colonoscopies, I had my first a couple of weeks ago. they gave me two shots of demerol + morphine and still couldnt get me under (usually takes one shot for most people). So I was conscious and chitty chatty through the whole thing. It wasnt bad at all. Going around the corners hurt like hell but that would be for a second only. Otherwise a very easy procedure.

For all the yayppisstillalive-ness this thread deservedly has, I feel I should also say WOW YAY at Suzy's still being alive and being the first child (!) to get such treatment.

Sure, I would do it. Sorry I never saw this thread until now.

^^ what he said. I have no idea how I failed to notice this thread until now. G. Baker, as Pittman and I were just discussing on Sunday, you are a great dude to know. Congratulations on becoming port-free! Sunny, congratulations on getting off so easy!

PP - I can only echo what has already been said by others, thank you so much for writing this and sharing your moving and important story.

― ENBB, Wednesday, March 19, 2008 2:46 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

^ this. My family history w/ cancer, combined w/ past levels of alcohol & bad food consumption, have had me paranoid for some time about colon cancer. At one point, a few years ago, certain telltale signs (which I will not get into) had me thinking that I might have actual symptoms, tho a consultation with a doctor thankfully debunked my suspicions. Since then, I've subjected myself to cleansing rituals a couple times a year, just to get rid of all the junk that can build up in the nooks & crannies (you'd be surprised!). It's basically the equivalent of this:

http://supercolonblow.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/colonblow.jpg

i will publish this, if PP and dan lacey are interested in pursuing this

Just had a colonoscopy ! Just a screening. They removed 6 small polyps. That anesthesia is strong stuff mang