Battleship...the movie

Y

to his proctologist:

"i want to have this thoroughly investigated"

The Mastermind box deconstruction thread already has the plot of Mastermind: The Movie.

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Rihanna-Wields-Multiple-Massive-Guns-Battleship-Images-29550.html

http://www.cinemablend.com/images/news/29550/Rihanna_Wields_Multiple_Massive_Guns_New_Battleship_Images_1329851832.jpg

"YOU CAN STAND UNDER MY UMBRELLA! AND BY UMBRELLA I MEAN MACHINE GUN-UN-UN-UN!"

rumpapapum rumpapapum shot a battleship down

Dolores O'Riordan is in this, too?

http://www.cinemablend.com/images/news/29550/Rihanna_Wields_Multiple_Massive_Guns_New_Battleship_Images_1329851796.jpg

this was the look on her face when chris martin called her to colab

doh
http://www.cinemablend.com/images/news/29550/Rihanna_Wields_Multiple_Massive_Guns_New_Battleship_Images_1329851796.jpg

i work with some guys who worked on this and claim she's one of the worst human beings on the planet.

i'm still trying to process how this whole film isn't a colossal joke.

wait...how isn't it

http://io9.com/5892888/liam-neeson-is-commanding-in-his-role-as-red-peg-in-new-battleship-trailer

That is truly a stupid two minutes.

Battleship Independence Alien Iron Man Day

hahahah ugh

this is one Tim Riggins movie I doubt I will turn the corner on

The trailer was on before John Carter OF MARS last night, and it looked like stupid, stupid, stupid fun. I was almost tempted.

Oh yay.

http://io9.com/5894180/our-first-look-at-battleships-mysterious-aliens

Alex interrupts him, and sends Cora to the control deck while he leads the alien out onto the deck. He gets the crap more or less beaten out of him, but he and Cora have a plan. He buys her time to aim one of the cannons point-blank at the alien's head. It turns around to see the cannon about to be fired. Rihanna quips, "Mahalo, motherfucker" — and the cannon blows the alien away.

Namaste, motherfucker

peace be with you, dickhead

Go in peace and love to serve the lord, motherfucker

So that's what a quip is these days

the movie's ... zany sense of humor

Alex tries to win her over by getting her a burrito in five minutes. Unfortunately, the convenience store next door is closed, so Alex decides to break in and get her the burrito anyway. We switch to security cam footage - complete with Pink Panther theme - to see Alex breaking into the store, getting the burrito, and subsequently wrecking most of the merchandise in his attempt to get back out. The scene ends in complete chaos, with Alex running away from - and getting tasered by — the cops, a sequence that causes multiple cars to crash into each other to avoid hitting him. But hey — he gets Brooklyn Decker the burrito, and a true love is born.

Fuck OFF!

"From Hasbro the company that brought you Transformers"

so this sounds like starship troopers done sincerely

the aliens are called "thugs"

Huzzah

http://io9.com/5899767/first-clip-from-battleship-shows-off-the-aliens-board-game+inspired-firepower

"B-27!"

this would have been so awesome if it had the exact same cast but was set at a Battleship tournament

battleship the board game involved chain whips? p kinky

haha wow i hadn't heard of this till now, this is easily the most half-baked idea for a movie i've ever heard in my life

it will make back the 200 million opening weekend probably

I can't see this being anything other than a total flop, but I've been wrong many times before.

yeah I think there's little likelihood of a John Carter-esque 'you won't believe this but it's actually really fucking great' turnaround.

But then again...Tim Riggins DOES star in this also

> there is a burned doll

how'd it get burned

lol

so in all the film has nothing whatsoever to do with the board game? What is the point in paying the money, I'm assuming there was a licence cost, for the rights to use the board game name?

just to have the name attached to the movie, I think is what Hasbro wanted

i don't think there was ever much intention to make a movie OF the boardgame - more to reassociate the boardgame with something whizzbang cool so they can remarket it or something idk

they should have gone the Tron route. Some kid gets 'sucked' into a real life Batteships board game and has to play the Grid.

Or like 20 people in a giant Battleship costume

That would be some shit-head indie comedy though.

Michel Gondry/Charlie Kaufman present Tweetleship

baahaha

Father and son play battleship, then son gets pulled into a Time Bandits-esque midget alternate universe.

Ned I'm still giggling over tweetleship

How about, (and this comes from currently watching Deathrace - although I'm remembering the original movie rather than this prison variation), in the future people play real Battleships with real ships out in the ocean. Pimped up aircraft carriers and submarines! Televised annual event. etc etc

battleships transform into giant robots and do battle in the middle of the ocean

when i first saw the trailer, thats what i thought was happening for a moment.

I hoped, but alas, twere not to be

http://images.wikia.com/transformers/images/e/e6/Micron_Shockwave_toy.jpg