things your mom said forever

Also if you asked too many questions or stayed in the kitchen, she'd make you wash something.

Jesus, I have started having that exchange with my son at dinner time.

"Make yourself useful, and not just ornamental."

"Beauty is only skin-deep, but ugliness goes all the way to the bone."

The reason I get defensive is that I know he's asking because he know whether it's something he can complain about.

My mom's favorite of-the-moment profanity, inherited from my grandmother, was "Shit fire and save the matches."

Why do you think she wouldn't tell us it was "camper stew"?

They should put her on a boat and sink it.

(said of whatever pop singers were pissing her off at the time: Madonna, Sinead etc)

"Who's she, the cat's mother?" Because you said "she" instead of the person's name.

Yep!

I don't know in which cases "me and _____" would be correct.

Same cases where you'd say just "me" if "_____" wasn't present. "The teacher asked me and _____ to stay behind after school." Basically everyone on TV now says "_____ and I" in every single case. I try not to be a grammar pedant but at least here I can lay the blame on (incorrect) grammar pedants themselves.

(not to pick on yr mum, my mum said it too)

People are for loving, not for hitting.

In response to my three-time sneezes: "God bless you! God love you! God keep you safe!"

We must be parsimonious.

And when she was apologizing sarcastically, she would sing (terribly, she has a terrible singing voice) the first few lines to "I'm Sorry" by the Platters.

I don't know in which cases "me and _____" would be correct.

Same cases where you'd say just "me" if "_____" wasn't present. "The teacher asked me and _____ to stay behind after school." Basically everyone on TV now says "_____ and I" in every single case. I try not to be a grammar pedant but at least here I can lay the blame on (incorrect) grammar pedants themselves.

― ledge, Friday, February 17, 2012 10:41 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

People say the it's "_________ and I" thing so often than actually knowing when "me and _________" is correct is still difficult for me to this day.

The phrase "trauma and drama" to describe any unpleasant or unfortunate situation.

"Well you know your dog is a shelter-rescue dog, who knows what kind of trauma and drama went on in her life..."

"Finally, a Christmas without all the trauma and drama!"

'Home again, home again; jiggety-jig.'

'Well-- there the damn thing sits!'

'This too shall pass...'

"what you say may fade away, but what you write will never."

was that pre-messageboards?

"only fools names and face do appear in public places" wrt graffiti

"...take walk with frog" when announcing any and all imminent plans

this stems from all time literary classic

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/91/Frog_and_toad_cover.jpg/200px-Frog_and_toad_cover.jpg

in which Toad writes out a 'to do' list including the above

"Stick out your tongue"

If she thought I was lying she would make me stick out my tongue because to check and see if it was green because everyone knows that's what happens when you lie.

God how I loved Frog & Toad Are Friends

"only fools names and face do appear in public places" wrt graffiti

My grandmother said this! In her version it was "Fools' names, like fools' faces, are often seen in public places"

Which is like... what is the meaning there? That wise people stay indoors all day??

Which is like... what is the meaning there? That wise people stay indoors all day??

My understanding of it would be: fools go outdoors like everyone else, so their faces are routinely seen; however, with regard to names, only those of fools appear in graffiti.

Whenever I said I felt sick, she would feel my forehead and pronounce: "Cool as a cucumber!"

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGHT THOUGHT (in response to saying, upon getting in trouble, "but i thought..."). i still don't know what thought, thought.

you sound like a herd of baby elephants (walking too loudly around the house)

were you born in a tent?? (not closing the door after myself)

children should be seen and not heard (i feel like i heard that every day of my childhood)

(upon making a face) better be careful the wind doesn't change or your face will stay like that

if you ask, you won't get

don't get pregnant!

waste not want not

took me about 20 years to figure out what that one meant.

"but he started it" "well you carried on with it!"

you're not getting down from the table until you eat everything on your plate (she meant it, too)

there are children starving in ethiopia, so just be grateful you have anything to eat (it was always ethiopia)

"Why do you think COATHANGERS were invented?" (when I threw my coat in a corner or on the floor)

"I'm going to have to phone your school! They are making you way too smart for your own good" (when being a smartass)

"Because I say so!"

a lot of you have very poetic moms

"Funny how? Like I'm a clown, like I'm here to amuse you? Tell me--what the fuck is so funny about me?"

We all miss mom.

an exaggerated sassy "thank you!" when someone says something she considers particularly OTM

fight, ya buggers, fight!

Whenever anyone said " I don't care"...
"don't care was made to care, and made to care was hung"
Sometimes she'd sing it (badly) and add the next bit, " made to care was put in prison, made to hold his tongue"
Which makes no sense now I think about it .

a lot of you have very poetic moms

Jenny kissed me, when we met
Jumping from the chair she sat in.
Time, you thief, who love to get
sweets into your list, put that in.
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
say that health and wealth have missed me.
Say I'm growing old--but add
Jenny kissed me.

True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare
False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.

Recited all the time. ALL the time.

Don't be sorry, be sensible.

Nicole, I have been internally chortling all day at yours from v early on: "I should never have had children."

Mine would say, "There's no point in crying over spilled milk" and then tell the story of the day when her own mother, who had 5 kids, was alerted to one spilled glass of milk too many while trying to serve lunch, and instead of losing her temper she put all the kids in their coats and into their red wagon and walked around the block several times, pulling them behind her, until she cooled off.

She still says that every once in awhile! My favorite one is this:

"Want in one hand, spit in the other and see which fills up the fastest."

Who says this? She always used to say this if I was asking for a comic book or doll or something she wasn't going to get for me, and it still sounds like one of the strangest ways of telling a child no. xp

'What's fir ye will no go by ye'

"Save your pennies."

"Patience is a virtue."

"Want in one hand, spit in the other and see which fills up the fastest."

My grandmother prefers the more prosaic "Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up first."

I know this is moms, not grandmothers, but my grandmother is my mom's mother so I'll share a couple more of her good ones:

You're like a fart in a storm. (If someone is being restless.)
She's like a goat: hard head, stinkin' ass.
Your eyes look like two holes pissed in the snow. (If someone looks tired.)
Go shit in your hat and pull it over your ears.
He's too dumb to pour piss out of a boot.

Also my grandmother called farting either "shooting rabbits" or "shooting Indians." :(

If my Grandfather ever heard the time mentioned on the radio or TV he would repeat the time and say 'Seven O'clock and all's well, an Irishman drowned in the Clyde' where the fuck that comes from I'll never know.

"Want in one hand, spit in the other and see which fills up the fastest."

A whole bunch of the older farmer types I knew from the small town I lived in in high school said this, except it was "shit" in the other.

"You look like the Wild Man From Borneo" (hairstyle disapproval)
"This house/room looks like a cyclone hit it" (obvious)

that woman looks like mutton dressed up as lamb