Movies That Were Probably Made By a Spasm of Six Year-Olds on Acid: The Top 75 Action Films Poll Results Thread

the matrix is really accomplished visually and technically, but it's a p deece movie from a storytelling perspective too. it's not just a collection of visual gimmicks, it sucks you into its world and has some decent jokes and a cool mystery to unravel. its fun

Speaking of bad Matrix ripoffs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U6jYuqERXI

yup. i can never watch it again but it's pretty tight, it prob belongs even higher tbh

the soundtrack is probably the most embarrassing thing about it but i played it to death in 8th grade. every movie i made w/ my brother featured at least 1 track from the matrix soundtrack

Yeah, in a "canon" sense Matrix could be top 10, even though I can't imagine ever seeing it again.

true story: I made my windows xp background the scrolling matrix text for a while

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/lastcru.jpg

#35

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE

Steven Spielberg
1989
United States
(295 points, 10 votes)

last crusade is like the only action movie that manages to be really, really funny without giving up thrillpower.

― Jordan

Crusade; Scene on the airship where Vogel get's beaten by Indie, luzzed out the window and then actually shakes his fist at the Zeppelin as it lifts off. Cue cod joke "no ticket."

― Alex K

Last Crusade feels cheap - look at the FX at the end of Raiders versus the guy falling off the edge of the cliff in the tank. And the final scene is a very balsa-wood affair. It doesn't even move like rock would if the fury of the LORD was being visited upon a remote hidden cave. Tchoh!

― Dave B

Indiana Jones LOVE thread

Saw the Matrix opening night in I want to say Denver, and the theatre was half full. Want to say the movie came after a whole bunch of disappointing alternate world movies, like the Thirteenth Floor and stuff? Anyway, the Matrix is wild because it did not become a thing for months.

Like Def Leppard's Hysteria.

i do remember people talking about it like 'you gotta see this cool new thing' before it became a huge phenomenon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdNwaa7w3q8

i love last crusade but i remember being kinda bummed as a kid that it was so xian

compared to raiders' old testament fury

Last Crusade nearly made my 50 and wd have been the only Indiana Jones flick i'd've countenanced voting for if there weren't at least 50 better flicks i've seen. but imo action movies shd remind me of being 15, not 10.

yeah i wonder maybe i didnt actually see the matrix in 'limited release' maybe i just saw it before it was a thing. but man! i hadnt seen any previews or anything when my dad took us, had no clue what to expect, and it just completely killed me.

Reverse-Dirty Harry moment here - all the movies to come I'm going to be thinking "Really? This is better than the Matrix? Really?".

Helped a lot by context - there had really been a dearth of exciting action films by 1999, and this was the indie "have you heard about?" alternative to The Phantom Menace's bombast.

Also it was cool, which is kind of an uncool thing to acknowledge considering how terrible the sequels were, but the fact that it wasn't an aging Bruce Willis in a vest was not incidental.

(Blade, the year before, was kind of the Matrix's John the Baptist)

all three indies are gonna place, huh

That's surprising to you?

aging Bruce Willis in a vest pisses all over nerd fests

(Blade, the year before, was kind of the Matrix's John the Baptist)

― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, February 16, 2012 10:57 AM (40 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol so otm

lol I love Blade.

Lots of love for The Last Crusade as well - you are only ever 5 mins away from someone getting punched in that film.

sean connery is really great in last crusade.

Blade II is pretty ex. too

I can't believe I've never seen any of the Blade movies.

I never forgave the matrix for starting out with a rich, intriguing cronenberg/PKD premise and then devolving into the dumbest "shoot guns is cool" denouement, and this from a guy who liked T2

the soundtrack is probably the most embarrassing thing about it but i played it to death in 8th grade

haha i saw the matrix with my mom in suburban ct and the first thing i did after the movie ended was have her drive to the mall so i get the sdtrk

but i tried watching the trilogy again recently and thought it was just really corny

Some great gags in that movie, not least the Knights', 'He chose poorly' line which got the biggest laugh at the screening I went to.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/crank2.png

#34

CRANK

Mark Neveldine/Brian Taylor
2006
United States
(297 points, 8 votes)

This was basically the Scream of action movies. So unbelievablely ridiculous.

― Elvis Telecom

I bought this today, sight unseen, and it is, in fact, possibly one of the greatest films ever made.

― El Tomboto

The whole thing is a huge video game, and they have opening credits that actually look like a video game! I really need to watch this again.

― mh

Has Dr. Morbius seen Crank?

― milo z

doubtful. he should, tho

― impudent harlot

Come anticipate Crank with me (do not click if you hate Jason Statham action trash)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwXxxniIeQs

i'd seen some commercials for the matrix before it came out and i had an anticipatory priapism. i was an anime-crazy 13 year old and the matrix clearly had a similar sensibility. my recollection is that it opened strong and was a surprise hit theatrically, but then had an even bigger second life on home video

(Blade, the year before, was kind of the Matrix's John the Baptist)

― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, February 16, 2012 10:57 AM (32 seconds ago) Bookmark

yeah, otm. i dont have much hope for blade placing at this point but i gave it more points than the 'trix

in a way The Matrix and Blade et al are an attempt to take action flicks out of the hands of sweaty middle-aged working stiffs with bad attitudes and hand them over to dungeons and dragons kids. i just like sweaty middle-aged working stiffs a lot better.

there was a period where i was like YEAH CRANK, CRANK IS THE SHIT but i basically just think its douchebaggy crap now. neveldine/taylor might make an awesome movie one day though

I will absolutely defend the 2nd Matrix movie, solely because of the extended action sequence that ends up on the highway. The third movie was terrible.

also PHIL YOU MUST SEE THE FIRST TWO BLADE MOVIES AND NEVER, EVER, EVER SEE THE THIRD

One of my friends put on The Matrix the first time I dropped acid, that was unpleasant. I don't think I've seen it since.

So much love for the Last Crusade.

Last Crusade over ToD, big mistake.

i was kind of meh on crank but i will say that amy smart is crazy hot

I don't remember ever even hearing of Crank.

there was a period where i was like YEAH CRANK, CRANK IS THE SHIT but i basically just think its douchebaggy crap now. neveldine/taylor might make an awesome movie one day though

― RudolfHitlerFtw (Hungry4Ass)

basically agree, crank 2 is even worse imo unfortunately. problem i have (possible challop) is that i've come to find statham to be a completely unlikable screen presence, like actively douchey maybe moreso b/c he clearly thinks he's the shit.

Crank is one of my top movie-theater surprises - hadn't heard anything about it (hadn't seen any of the Transporters either), was the only thing playing at the right time and wound up being blown away at just how weird and hilarious it was.

gave 'the last crusade' 45 points, love the fuck out of every minute of it

had CRANK around the middle of my list although i almost feel about it the way s1ocki does the matrix

i was an anime-crazy 13 year old and the matrix clearly had a similar sensibility.

i think my big complaint with 'the matrix' was that it didnt really deliver on the kind of fiddly dm guidebook mythology that it promised

so much so it makes me think he must be a dbag irl xxp

haven't watched either Crank in a coherent enough condition to honestly vote for them but in my head they're arthouse masterpieces that have action in them

in a way The Matrix and Blade et al are an attempt to take action flicks out of the hands of sweaty middle-aged working stiffs with bad attitudes and hand them over to dungeons and dragons kids. i just like sweaty middle-aged working stiffs a lot better.

― dayove cool (Noodle Vague), Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:02 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

heh, well, i hear what you're saying, but i feel like blade is more in the steven seagal tradition. its a surly asshole martial arts movie first and foremost

you have to admit tho that Crank is hilarious

Morbs is going to blow a gasket if all three Bournes place, isn't he?

Morbs is going to blow a gasket no matter what

shamefacedly admit i haven't watched Blade cos i hate non-Transylvanian vampires

iirc the Matrix was the first really big DVD MOVIE. like, it became the thing that huge A/V nerds would put on their systems to show them off, like a Hi-Fi freak playing Sting as a "reference track" or something.

cannot imagine seeing it as a 13-year-old, i think it might have ruined my life