I'm sad

OTM. If you haven't gotten a pay raise in three years and they feel they can get you to do more work in spite of that fact, don't be at all surprised when they try to pile even more work on your plate down the road...again, with no pay raise. If they can take advantage of you, they will. Do not go gently etc. etc. I speak from experience here.

also, speaking from experience (although i've only done it twice), it feels REALLY GOOD to ask for a raise and get it. you deserve it.

What Z_S said is real talk, but to back it up you have to be willing to leave the job. It doesn't have to be part of an explicit threat of "give me a raise, or give me less work, or I quit", because that will commit you to a timetable, but if you make it clear to your supervisor that the present situation is unacceptable and why, and nothing is done about it, then you'll know exactly what to expect from your employer: more shit and no compensation for it.

Just hoping someone will step in and make it better never works. If you want any improvement, you'll have to act. The important thing is clarity. Be clear to yourself and to your supervisor. As for "sounding whiny", that's not a function of the facts of the matter, nor of pointing out the facts, so it is entirely up to you whether you want to be whiney or just factual.

there's the wage that people actually deserve, and then there's what these terrible people pay you, and what they pay you is almost always less than you deserve. they get away with it because they know it's difficult for people to ask for a raise because they're not in a position of power.

that's right, managers all over the world, uniformly, are terrible people!

I actually worked for a good one, once. Long ago. It was like living on another planet.

Thanks guys, those are all good suggestions and I agree with em.

shoot up the place imo

lolol.

aw Trayce that sucks so much. work shit and boy shit is just ugh yahtzee of shit. But dudes are kinda otm here: the work thing is something you can actually tackle, in your own way. I know Orstraylian she'll be right is kind of the default mode, but asking for a bit of compensation to match your new workload doesn't have to mean being bolshy about it.

And as for veganboy...well, just poo to him. You are too cool of a chick to let an annoying albatross like that keep dragging you down. I know it's easy to say but don't let his failings make you sad. New chapter, off we go :)

- work situ turned a corner, I sat on my anger and just sucked it up, put my big girl pants on and worked out the thing I had to do. And did (with some help). I still need to demand my raise tho :(
- boy situ went all funny, got a long, explanatory but rather unkind and unpleasant to read email that basically said I am a very bitter, angry, unaffectionate person he found hard to deal with after a while. This was such news to me I am not sure what to think of it all (hes right on the angry, but it was being around him that made me cranky!)
- so net result, still feel p sad. Gonna go home and watch tv and draw sad comics.

- if there's one thing you _don't_ strike me as, it's unaffectionate. he, on the other hand, strikes me as an asshole.

^^^^

ugh i keep typing and then deleting long stupid posts but feeling this p bad rn

all i seem to be able to do in the evenings is ilx and sit on my couch listening to ladies of the canyon and watching traffic

oh lamp <3

just general sad, or...?

Thanks guys btw. And also, "ugh yahtzee of shit" is totally awesome haha.

lamp, trayce i feel for you. it's not fair. i like both of you a lot, obviously.

Aw feeling's mutual, Z! <3

basically said I am a very bitter, angry, unaffectionate person he found hard to deal with after a while.

He's projecting. He's an arsehole.

I'll cop to being a pretty whiny and/or cynical person at times, but its also part of my humour: taking the piss out of ads, that sort of thing. I am trying so hard not to take this crap personally because of all this yknow?

bitter, angry, unaffectionate

so not otm

yeah, it threw me for a loop :/

Every time i have tried to stay friends with someone, even after a super-casual relationship where i have really not been emotionally engaged and not bothered about it, there's been a post-breakup period of really disliking and resenting the other person. Which is difficult for my pride, because i like to think that i have control of vast reserves of givingness and empathy which enable me to always be the better man.

And often this resentment and dislike manifests itself in the belief that what is necessary is some Real Talk, like I, for the good of this other person, for their future happiness, should tell them what they did that made the r'ship difficult, or what is wrong with them. Because i like them, they're my friend, we're staying friends, i have their best interests at heart, etc etc etc: and all of this is bullshit. I am hurt and I am trying to cause hurt and I don't even know I'm doing it, and the version of events that in my head is so clear and truthful is actually warped by my sadness at this thing ending, my attempts to understand how it could end.

Staying friends is totally possible and a great idea and I do it and it makes me happy but attempting to discuss "what went wrong" post-breakup (w/in let's say a year of the breakup happening) is basically a short cut to the worst part of both of you. Why do you want an explanation from him? It's not going to be factually truthful because he's not going to be capable of that yet, it's going to be designed to make you sad because he's working through his own sadness, and no matter what he says what benefit could you possibly get from being told what you did 'wrong'?

also, demand your damn raise! sit down and write out your experience of being asked to do work not-in-your-job-descrip, the steps you had to take to complete this bit of work, and write that up into an example of how you are so good at your job and therefore deserve a raise!

Wow. You really hit a bunch of nails on heads there! D: thanks. Food fr thought. Also is thus thread deindexed and if not can it be pls?

C sharp is so absolutely devastatingly OTM here.

Ppl who feel that they just have to tell you ~all the things they know are wrong with you~ are not necessarily your friends. Especially when it's totally unsolicited. That's just stuff in their head and naught to do w you, T.

if anything has helped me and N to be strong for each other and stay friends through the last couple of months, it's the decision we made not to analyse what we thought had gone wrong between us

I have friends I have "sep" with, varous "you bastard" reasons.

Came back to one, years latr, had good time. Then spent a little "closure of these issues" biz, things got clarified, all good again.

Another, vaguely friendly, then found the issues that made me 'go off them' were still there. Retreated. Person was probably "oh! why he go?" but sometimes closure is not worth it, and 'leaving via the back door' is safest.

(none of that remotely sexual btw)

feeling all of this posts
i think "i am hurt and i am trying to cause hurt" is happening and i am bracing to be told i am a bitter, angry, unaffectionate person also. and like lamp i am sitting and watching traffic. there are all those sad things in common. my head hurts.

hugs for harbl and sad ilxors itt

:( i don't think you're bitter or unaffectionate, harbl! (you either, trayce!) i'm sorry you're feeling this way.

who are these mean ppl. SEND THEM TO ME. I'll show em unaffectionate >:(

<3

Im not sad today. Y'all are awesome and have cheered me up, and I'm reeling at how accurate every word of C#'s post was to my situation. And am giving it very very careful consideration for my own sense of wellbeing.

I'm always a little embarrased at how I can overreact to these situations.

you are human! I think anyone would be reeling, it's natural. <3

Deindexed this thread. Bestest wish to all sad ilxors.

Bless you Mr C xx

c# that post is distilled volumes of otm.

you are human! I think anyone would be reeling, it's natural. <3

yeah man, i think it would be potentially more disturbing if you just kinda shrugged it off. thank goodness you are not so cemented in that you can't be in touch with your feelings of hurt and disappointment. which are a huge and extremely legitimate and even salvific part of the human experience ime

_still giggling at the lack of understanding why those were zings_

"lack of understanding"

uggggggggggggggh

can i not leave the house for the next year please

Can I go back to 1990 and have another go, like? Regrets, I've got a few...

^^^exactly the year I would go back to for another pop

first year of university?

Year before university!

sorry things are rough zora

Year before uni for me, too!

I'm just in a hole because I tagged my ex in a photo from years & years ago on dreaded FB, and he untagged himself, didn't say anything, and I felt really shit about it. I mean, it's his prerogative, no question. But I'm here trying to re-integrate the past, which has been this tightly closed book (or in this case, shoebox full of photos) into my current life, because I feel rootless, disconnected, disenfranchised in a way. And this is like him saying "No, you cannot have this." /sigh. I don't know why I need his blessing. I always need somebody's blessing.

You can never, never never go back home again, no.

And if I can't have that 15 years back I might as well go right back to the first round of fuck-ups and try to get a few other things right!

Urgh, Smiths lyrics are never a good sign.

i don't wanna go back to the past; it was worse.

i had a bit of a nervous breakdown in my philosophy class today, started crying for no reason. i don't think anyone noticed and i'm not sure if i wanted anyone to ask. i went home and made some tea and felt slightly better, but still haven't shaken the feeling that everything is just arrogance and folly and vanity. i'm sure i'll get over it once something distracts me, but it's really fucking tough right now.

Year before uni for me, too!

you young pups

i dunno, there are all kinds of reasons why your ex wouldn't want to be tagged and almost none of them mean he's trying to disavow it or you. have you communicated with him recently or just tagged him?

anyway, i'm sorry you're feeling poorly! but you needn't let that particular thing be a drag.

Sorry to hear that, clouds. If you want tips for dealing, the depression and anxiety threads are more advice-y than this one. This is a good place to mope, though.

Are you sure there wasn't a reason? Crying jags tend not to be completely random, even if they've got FA to do w/ yr immediate sitch. Are you well otherwise?

Yeah mookie, I know. Just a bad moment. I've got flu, I can't sleep, unemployment is seeming a bit less awesome than it did a week ago, Goblin Boy's doing my head in. I haven't been in touch with my ex much lately. I don't dare. I miss him far too much.