I'm sad

ugh, normal ruins everything

I love that photo!

Z S that happens to me at museums too; in fact, I actively seek out that experience. I really enjoy it. I biked to the plant conservatory every Saturday over the summer and sometimes I would sit in the fern room (ie monopolize the bench in the fern room) for at least an hour just sitting there smelling plants and thinking about how ancient they were and feeling intense. It may have looked like I was just sitting there, though. I took a lot of pictures of plants too. Since then I haven't gone and I feel like the plants and I have broken up.

^^ This is what I do in order to cope with feeling nuts. Fortunately you have the Smithsonian! Anyway, I seriously wish you the best of luck with the therapist and know that people can see that you are a real person, not just a one dimensional gif machine.

See COrtazar's "Axolotl"!
This part of museums is
REAL

ZS I wish I could make you some tea.
You are so much beyond a cube or a gif or a gif of a cube.
All best on therapy, pushing beyond inertia is huge.

thanks...although I haven't received any response to the email I sent (the website I referenced above has a "email therapist to describe your terrible sadness and set up an appointment" link), so I'm guessing I'll wait until mid-next week without hearing anything and then give the non-therapy life another chance.

I'm gently envious of this talent some of you have for seeing the flip side of reality. I would see...plants. And then wonder what time lunch was. I like your way.

Z S are you eating ok? are you eating enough? sometimes tired + hungry + vaguely hung over is the worst emotional combo on earth and it feels real but it's (usually) not. easy to forget that those things really make a huge difference.

i'm generally eating ok, but not enough. but i've always been like that, that's not a new thing. i eat as much as i can, but i don't like stuffing myself, and i also have an absurd rate of metabolism.

I am holding a knot of sick, angry sad in my belly like a large stone, have been for about 2 days now. Its partly due to work - they've been slowly loading me up with this weird shit that never was part of my job and I dont know how to do (financial stuff... christ no) but I dont know how to protest it without sounding whiny and risking my (never payrise rewarded) job, so I sit and stew myself sick instead.

Partly its also because veganboy finally dumped me, insisted he wanted to stay close friends, but immediatrly stopped talking to me. Said this was spurred by meetng someone else, but had the KINDNESS to tell me only a week later that he was "crushed and heartbroken and not going into any further detail" which I assume means whoever this person was that he chased after blew him off. But no detail, no explanation what happened with all this or why, me with no idea what the hell I did wrong, and I feel like Im full of bile.

It sounds like not talking to him is probably best for you. You didn't do anything wrong; there is no explanation he could give you that would make sense of the pain. He is coming across as indifferent to your feelings. You do not need a friend like that.

This is a lesson I'm trying to teach myself more than anything tbh.

As for work, is there someone around who does know how to do these things? Can you sidle up to anyone and say "This is new to me, could you possibly take me through the best way to do x?" - you're not saying you have no idea, you are seeking their expertise.

Failing that start an accounting advices thread, someone round here will know that shit.

:( :( sorry to hear that Trayce

yeah, I've tried asking the boss, whos the one who should know the prices im meant to be checking -he negotiates them with our suppliers! - and he says shit like "you can work that out". Grrr. He makes a lot of asssumptions about shit going on and flies off the handle without facts. It is very very frustrating. I also havent had a payrise (not even a CPI increase, or a bonus) in almost 3 years and I'm feeling really unappreciated right now.

Money talks and I'm about to walk.

Looking for another job sounds worthwhile.

hey duane, cheer up

me with no idea what the hell I did wrong

Try "I did nothing wrong" on for size. I'm pretty damn sure it will fit this situation perfectly. Maybe get a tattoo of it, because it will come in handy many more times.

I've been like hardcore sad/depressed for three straight months and I just wanted to post to say that I'm starting to feel better :).

Trayce, without risking meta-TMI, I'll just say I feel/empathize with your breakup situation. Fuckin' sucks.

sorry to hear all of that trayce. the job thing maybe i could help with (for once):

tell them that the financial shit/extra stuff you're doing is not part of your job description. depending on how you feel about taking on extra stuff and how they respond to you raising the issue, here are the possible results:

a) you continue doing the extra stuff in exchange for a pay raise (i did this a few years ago at a shitty data entry temp job in chicago and got a 20% raise)
b) you go back to doing what you were doing and don't get a pay raise
c) for some reason neither a) or b) happens, and so you either threaten to quit (and get a pay raise as a result) or just quit (you successfully leave a shitty situation and move on with your life)

a) and b) are way more likely, i think, depending on your preference. sorry to analyze the shit out of this but when people get screwed at work i always want to help them fight back against the man. you don't have to take that shit.

OTM. If you haven't gotten a pay raise in three years and they feel they can get you to do more work in spite of that fact, don't be at all surprised when they try to pile even more work on your plate down the road...again, with no pay raise. If they can take advantage of you, they will. Do not go gently etc. etc. I speak from experience here.

also, speaking from experience (although i've only done it twice), it feels REALLY GOOD to ask for a raise and get it. you deserve it.

What Z_S said is real talk, but to back it up you have to be willing to leave the job. It doesn't have to be part of an explicit threat of "give me a raise, or give me less work, or I quit", because that will commit you to a timetable, but if you make it clear to your supervisor that the present situation is unacceptable and why, and nothing is done about it, then you'll know exactly what to expect from your employer: more shit and no compensation for it.

Just hoping someone will step in and make it better never works. If you want any improvement, you'll have to act. The important thing is clarity. Be clear to yourself and to your supervisor. As for "sounding whiny", that's not a function of the facts of the matter, nor of pointing out the facts, so it is entirely up to you whether you want to be whiney or just factual.

there's the wage that people actually deserve, and then there's what these terrible people pay you, and what they pay you is almost always less than you deserve. they get away with it because they know it's difficult for people to ask for a raise because they're not in a position of power.

that's right, managers all over the world, uniformly, are terrible people!

I actually worked for a good one, once. Long ago. It was like living on another planet.

Thanks guys, those are all good suggestions and I agree with em.

shoot up the place imo

lolol.

aw Trayce that sucks so much. work shit and boy shit is just ugh yahtzee of shit. But dudes are kinda otm here: the work thing is something you can actually tackle, in your own way. I know Orstraylian she'll be right is kind of the default mode, but asking for a bit of compensation to match your new workload doesn't have to mean being bolshy about it.

And as for veganboy...well, just poo to him. You are too cool of a chick to let an annoying albatross like that keep dragging you down. I know it's easy to say but don't let his failings make you sad. New chapter, off we go :)

- work situ turned a corner, I sat on my anger and just sucked it up, put my big girl pants on and worked out the thing I had to do. And did (with some help). I still need to demand my raise tho :(
- boy situ went all funny, got a long, explanatory but rather unkind and unpleasant to read email that basically said I am a very bitter, angry, unaffectionate person he found hard to deal with after a while. This was such news to me I am not sure what to think of it all (hes right on the angry, but it was being around him that made me cranky!)
- so net result, still feel p sad. Gonna go home and watch tv and draw sad comics.

- if there's one thing you _don't_ strike me as, it's unaffectionate. he, on the other hand, strikes me as an asshole.

^^^^

ugh i keep typing and then deleting long stupid posts but feeling this p bad rn

all i seem to be able to do in the evenings is ilx and sit on my couch listening to ladies of the canyon and watching traffic

oh lamp <3

just general sad, or...?

Thanks guys btw. And also, "ugh yahtzee of shit" is totally awesome haha.

lamp, trayce i feel for you. it's not fair. i like both of you a lot, obviously.

Aw feeling's mutual, Z! <3

basically said I am a very bitter, angry, unaffectionate person he found hard to deal with after a while.

He's projecting. He's an arsehole.

I'll cop to being a pretty whiny and/or cynical person at times, but its also part of my humour: taking the piss out of ads, that sort of thing. I am trying so hard not to take this crap personally because of all this yknow?

bitter, angry, unaffectionate

so not otm

yeah, it threw me for a loop :/

Every time i have tried to stay friends with someone, even after a super-casual relationship where i have really not been emotionally engaged and not bothered about it, there's been a post-breakup period of really disliking and resenting the other person. Which is difficult for my pride, because i like to think that i have control of vast reserves of givingness and empathy which enable me to always be the better man.

And often this resentment and dislike manifests itself in the belief that what is necessary is some Real Talk, like I, for the good of this other person, for their future happiness, should tell them what they did that made the r'ship difficult, or what is wrong with them. Because i like them, they're my friend, we're staying friends, i have their best interests at heart, etc etc etc: and all of this is bullshit. I am hurt and I am trying to cause hurt and I don't even know I'm doing it, and the version of events that in my head is so clear and truthful is actually warped by my sadness at this thing ending, my attempts to understand how it could end.

Staying friends is totally possible and a great idea and I do it and it makes me happy but attempting to discuss "what went wrong" post-breakup (w/in let's say a year of the breakup happening) is basically a short cut to the worst part of both of you. Why do you want an explanation from him? It's not going to be factually truthful because he's not going to be capable of that yet, it's going to be designed to make you sad because he's working through his own sadness, and no matter what he says what benefit could you possibly get from being told what you did 'wrong'?

also, demand your damn raise! sit down and write out your experience of being asked to do work not-in-your-job-descrip, the steps you had to take to complete this bit of work, and write that up into an example of how you are so good at your job and therefore deserve a raise!

Wow. You really hit a bunch of nails on heads there! D: thanks. Food fr thought. Also is thus thread deindexed and if not can it be pls?

C sharp is so absolutely devastatingly OTM here.

Ppl who feel that they just have to tell you ~all the things they know are wrong with you~ are not necessarily your friends. Especially when it's totally unsolicited. That's just stuff in their head and naught to do w you, T.

if anything has helped me and N to be strong for each other and stay friends through the last couple of months, it's the decision we made not to analyse what we thought had gone wrong between us

I have friends I have "sep" with, varous "you bastard" reasons.

Came back to one, years latr, had good time. Then spent a little "closure of these issues" biz, things got clarified, all good again.

Another, vaguely friendly, then found the issues that made me 'go off them' were still there. Retreated. Person was probably "oh! why he go?" but sometimes closure is not worth it, and 'leaving via the back door' is safest.

(none of that remotely sexual btw)

feeling all of this posts
i think "i am hurt and i am trying to cause hurt" is happening and i am bracing to be told i am a bitter, angry, unaffectionate person also. and like lamp i am sitting and watching traffic. there are all those sad things in common. my head hurts.

hugs for harbl and sad ilxors itt

:( i don't think you're bitter or unaffectionate, harbl! (you either, trayce!) i'm sorry you're feeling this way.

who are these mean ppl. SEND THEM TO ME. I'll show em unaffectionate >:(