Severe Anxiety

Not trying to diagnose you either, mind. All the best with it anyhow.

for me, anger & anxiety/panic are all part of the same ball of wax: not having a properly developed method of dealing with strain. some inputs make me violently angry almost instantly, while others trigger anxiety or panic.

HI DERE

It's probably not the best idea to have some critical breakthroughs (some recent reading and bizarrely: a WTF episode gave me some significant insights) about myself while you're simultaneously trying to rollout a major software release at work. My last 24 hours have been:

1pm yesterday: (meeting with production manager) "OK so that project that we only told you about last week, well it'll need to run through your production management software. Oh, it went live on the public site yesterday.

2pm yesterday: (meeting with new CTO who started four weeks ago. He started when I was on vacation so I had no idea I was getting a new boss until I found out that he was placed in my office and I was kicked out into the cubical farm). How's the integration going? I know it's a surprise, but don't blame me as this project was going before I was hired on.

6pm yesterday: went home and passed out in bed. Too exhausted to even bother with dinner or changing clothes.

2am: work calls and wakes me up... "your site is down. come in and fix it immediately - the remote plants are calling" Investigate for a hour and discover that Covad was running a test on their network. No one informed me ahead of time so I could warn the night crew. Fall back asleep

10am this morning: woke up and discovered my hands were uncontrollably shaking. Balance off. I feel drunk and am still tired. GF is worried. I'm worried too. Took a nap during lunch today and the shaking subsided, but fucking hell...

Meanwhile, I'm trying to help get a brand-new CSR package going (dev. time on this has been months)

Somewhat better now, but this week can seriously to eat a bag of dicks.

estela, you aren't shrinking away to us. You are a giant of this place, and so immensely present for us with your pithiness and wisdom. Thank you.

Surfing turned out to be very otm. the 'blah' feelings largely subsided as of this morning following two straight days of relaxation :). still a little comedown left to go, but happy to see it come back.

oh geez, Elvis, I totally feel you on that...ridiculous work project is what triggered my recent bout. and the hand shaking, man...that's rough. really hoping you can cope and deal with it as best as possible in light of a tough situation. it's always hard when it's work and you have no real way of escaping it for more than a few days a week.

Estela, that must be awful. Some people are just arrogant and ignorant assholes. Sorry, rude to say, but very very true. I hope you can manage to gain weight.

for me, anger & anxiety/panic are all part of the same ball of wax: not having a properly developed method of dealing with strain.

I hate putting the blame on someone, but I do realize I did not learn the necessary coping methods. My mother was a very strong presence. She definitely gave me the feeling she was always better at dealing with things and I leaned on her as a result. She still "hides" things from me. But that isn't a good way to deal with things imo. Anyway, yeah, whatevs. Pills help. lol

I'm glad you're picking up a bit, Neanderthal.

Elvis, that is is horrible. I hope your job isn't going to stay that stressful for long.

is anxiety just another word for fear

i am scared

they're pretty close neighbors. my disorder started amidst excessive irrational fear of health complications that were loosely lated to what the problem eventually turned out to be (mono)

Anxiety is only for fears that aren't immediate. If a monster has grabbed your leg, you feel fear. If you are worried about monsters under your bed, that could be called fear or anxiety. If you're pretty sure there aren't any monsters under your bed but you feel a bit fearful much of the time anyhow and sometimes get into a right flap when you're not even thinking about monsters, that's clinical anxiety.

What are you afraid of, surm?

I love the monsters-under-bed diagnosis.

I mean diagnostic tool. Doctors should have a cartoon of it on their office walls.

i didn't mean for that to sound so dramatic. but it's true - i just often feel dread. i mean i've learned to deal but ...

i think i'm most afraid of loss, i end up feeling like things that are worthwhile are going to escape me somehow. and i guess i am afraid of myself, because i am so hard on myself.

i've been thinking that i need to engage in things that do good for others as a way of dealing with this, but who knows if that's really the answer.

i also have a lot of fun, too, though! i promise!

thank you people for the kind words, i am feeling quite a lot better already.

<3

<3 yourself

no panic attacks per se, but I've been living in a really tense and overanxious state for weeks, on and off. I've kind of grown resigned to the fact that until the first leg of the project I'm working on is over (April - May, ugh), I'm going to be dealing with this. It's just more stress than I'm used to, combined with traveling and my body is yelling at me for not having taken a break because this is following a seriously difficult series of projects that ran for 5-6 months. I'm def taking a vacay in May.

Drinking more than usual, not alarmingly so (not even to drunk state), but I don't like the idea that I'm telling myself subconsciously that I have to drink to relax.

There was also a girl I was interested in, who i've been hanging out with a lot, and early positive signs that I thought indicated there would be potential have kind of fizzled...decided to give up last night, because I can't take the added stress of rejection and I don't know what kind of boyfriend I'd even be right now when I'm fighting anxiety/stress all day. I think "friend" is about the only role I can play to anyone right now, and even that's in a reduced state.

(don't take this to be all negative...I just like putting things out in the open because acknowledging them helps me defeat them in a way).

Yeah. The drinking under stress is a classic self-medication deal. Good that you're aware of it.

A vacation sounds like a most excellent idea. You're young enough that you probably won't need to crash/sleep for a week, and the best re-creation might be something that is active and takes your mind somewhere totally engrossing and different. Good luck with your porject.

thanks. the good thing is that the project does have the capability of catapulting my career, and thus far, I'm doing very well on it. It's just that there's risks involved that me nor my colleagues have little control over, such as client giving us things way too late or forgetting to give us things.

I usually take a mini-vacay in May each year for the local Fr!nge Festiv@l, need to just bump it up to a full week and chill with my friends.

ugh, should have said "neither I or my colleagues have any control over"

hmm. went to the movies this afternoon, afterwards a wave of peace kind of fell over me (maybe I should go more often). all these little things (I think they call them 'emotions') kind of came back, as if returning from an outage.

I enjoy this return to normalcy...hopefully it is considering a permanent stay instead of just temporary.

now if the eye twitch will go away....we'll be golden!

Does anyone here have any experience with Pregabalin?

Rough two days at work interrupted a week of anxiety free relaxation and sent me back to jittery land.

Decided to go to karaoke bar with friends as per usual Friday. Get here and girl i am interested in for no apparent reason starts bagging on me. Probably just meant in good nature but my humor-button is broken atm. So drinking and feeling lower than low and wishing normalcy would get here on a jet plane.

Oh hi emotional breakdown.. long time no c....

Ugh I haven't had to live with someone I wasn't in a relationship with for awhile, and here I am, almost 4pm and I don't want to leave my room because I'm terrified of having to explain why I'm leaving my room for the first time at 4pm.

DEAR MENTAL ILLNESS: How did you get so very fucking good at perpetuating yourself?

Is your roommate chill enough that maybe you won't have to explain?

here I am, almost 4pm and I don't want to leave my room because I'm terrified of having to explain why I'm leaving my room for the first time at 4pm.

I think you would get away with saying you have a migraine/hangover/severe cold/deadline/other assorted illness? So I reckon you should hold that excuse in mind, leave your room, and maybe go out for a walk or something while you're at it.

en eye see kay I know exactly what you're talking about. Skipped dinner last night as a result.

here I am, almost 4pm and I don't want to leave my room because I'm terrified of having to explain why I'm leaving my room for the first time at 4pm.

this describes too much of my life

so funny because i think my anxiety issues are minor because i'm usually a-ok and know simple ways to deal. but like, then i accidentally break all these rules for living with low anxiety levels:

don't get tired
don't get hungry
don't get stressed
don't get hungover
don't have dreams that wake you up in a panic
don't pack your schedule too tight
don't look at your computer/phone within 10 minutes of waking up

anxiety is bizarre. everything i was worrying about an hour ago is all relatively minor and can be dealt with. so says the beer i'm drinking. and that beer is correct.

man i TOTALLY feel u -- yesterday and today have been wrecky.

ready for it?

tell me when you're ready

ok hit me

yeah, i knew yesterday was building up to something, just bc i could feel the tiredness + nervous buzz mounting even though yesterday was a good day. yet today was a more productive day, but i chalk that up to ability to focus on work with deadlines while compartmentalizing the suddenly mounting worries.
i should even be doing work right now but i'm just, no, it's going to have to wait until tmrw morning. mental health is more important!
xps

i'm sure that reading about shooting sprees and global warming death forecasts didn't help today

otm

http://i.imgur.com/6fr5c.gif

fuck you pabst

yeah it's weird to talk about anxiety issues when there's so much big bad shit going on in the world but if we can't take care of ourselves for a minute and get our ability to reason and problem solve on the bigger issues back on track, then we're even more fucked

deal w/that beer, then deal w/the world

do you see the pabst's infectious smile yet?

was thinking of making clear beer cozies w/ cartoon shades on them, "pabst glasses"

you could do a whole line of characters

Well this sucks.

Seeing a doctor this afternoon, but in the meantime tips/tricks/encouraging words are welcome. First time I've ever experienced this--it's AWFUL!

anything in particular trigger it?

although, seeing as it has been 10 hours since you posted and when i so helpfully replied, you're probably past the tips/tricks phase. hopefully the doc was helpful!

tell us yr woes quincie