Kenny Dalglish Won't Be Delivering the Module: English Premiership 2011-12

phew! i'm holding you to that Matt ;)

God have Fulham really signed Pogrebnyak? He's rubbish.

Defoe to Liverpool can't not happen, it's one of those rare moves where everybody's happy, even Everton.

Rangers confirm that Norwich City have rejected a bid for striker Grant Holt.

Like being offered a starboard side cabin in the Costa Concordia

long xpost to pandemic : as far as i'm aware, this isn't the first time spurs have shown an interest in loïc rémy. but it's not really a surprise that marseille would tell them off, they're in a bad spot attack wise : they have rémy who is doing quite well, fat gignac who's proving to be as useless as they come (there's so much to tell about this guy), brandao who's just come back after about a year away from marseille after he was accused of rape (dunno how that trial is going along or even if there's one) and jordan ayew who still has to prove himself in ways other than getting carded for stupid fouls just after having been subbed in.

The Mayor's office has offered £8.5million for regeneration around the new football ground.

thx jibe

spurs really only need lb/rw cover/challengers, would sacrifice a midfielder or two for that if necessary.

RIP corluka but even i can't deny walker's there on merit now.

We need a big striker who can lead the line in Adebayor's absence. Would take Rodallega for that.

Pogrebnyak's ok but i can't see him getting more than 8-10 goals a season. Dembele's not going to get any more. Maybe wages are putting them off but they could do worse than trying to take Pav on loan.

God have Fulham really signed Pogrebnyak? He's rubbish.

really? :( Don't go Bobby Z! :(

Guardian reckon Bobby Z hitting QPR up for 90G's a week so the deal might not go thru. There's still hope for you and Tracer!

£90,000 a week is the right wage for Bobby Z, but QPR is the wrong club. I'm torn.

whaaat

Wow, didn't see this one coming - Everton's Irish full-back/winger Seamus Coleman is on the move! Details to follow ...

oh it was a shit joke

i'm torn btwn wanting us to sign a couple of top class players to get us closer to third and thinking 'what the hell harry won't rotate anyway might as well offload the subs bench'

i'm torn between wanting Mick McCarthy to get Ebola and wanting Steve Morgan to get Necrotising Fasciitis

i'm torn between kirsty gallacher and dave beasant

Is the Saha deal on or not? News sites have been using future tense for a little too long now.

hang on, there's a fax coming through

faxes don't come through that quickly iirc

an' iv'ey did oi wouldn't 'ave a clue 'ow to work 'em

Ben Amos in goal for Utd

nice stuff from krancjar

they're cutting through us easily enough, happy to predict al habsi has 'one of those games'

jaysus what has Berbatov done to his hair

    Bale----->       <------ VDV
        Kranjcar       
       Modric        Parker
Ekotto                       Walker

awwwwgooooal

bale from modric cross, that was comin

modric half volley from just inside box

seven man attack ftw

sky showing everton ffs

Liverpool-Wolves is as you'd expect.

my stream broke immediately after sinclair's goal for swansea, without the benefit of replays i'm still torn between whether the back to the goal arcing volley into the top corner was lovely or if it was lucky.

Utd utterly dominant without threatening much. Kenwyne Jones appears to be playing in midfield

Hernandez pen

wow

anyone watching the everton game?

someone's just come on the pitch and handcuffed himself to the posts

never seen that in my life

bet he's swallowed the key as well

now he's kicking off at the police

he's off now

2043: I've never seen this before. A spectator has managed to get on the pitch at Goodison Park and has handcuffed himself to Joe Hart's goalposts. Plenty of day-glo clad officials surrounding him trying to free the intruder. They aren't having much luck at the moment. Extraordinary.

can't believe suarez went to goodison instead of the wolves game.

cant believe i went to get tea ffs

Tell you what lads, Scholes is rolling back the years etc.

pic: http://lockerz.com/s/179517224

(handcuffs pic, that is)

I guess he's taking the news that Saha might be leaving rather hard.

Carroll's doing alright but for all the support he's getting he might as well not bother. At least Defoe will make runs for him.

Haha, scores!

Brilliant cross, so good AC could practically roll it in on the half-volley with his sole.

Carroll for England!

who was the cross from?